While the translation seems fine in terms of accuracy and it's neat to see someone continue with this series, the dialog feels pretty stiff. I think it's because you've got this kinda unfortunate thing where the text is very small in the dialog boxes and often very clipped and short, which makes it feel too sparse, and it's missing some of the little vocal tics that an actual English speaker would use.
Page 17 is a good one to compare with the previous group and the way in which they've padded out the meaning a little there - you could make the argument that you're inserting 'extra content' by doing this, but the flip side of the coin is that this is a kid speaking super enthusiastically about something he loves, so he's not going to just say the bare minimum, and it's a more conversation style that suits the page. Page 18.2 is also a good example here: you've translated the floating text as 'Computers or Streaming Equipments' which is accurate... but it's not what someone chatting with someone else is actually going to say in this situation, and the other translation of 'Like a PC and other things you'll need for streaming' flows a lot better.
I hope this isn't discouraging, I just wanted to give the feedback because it stood out to be really strongly.