For those that are confused they seem to have mixed in some 1900s English slang with Scottish sayings/dialect. The result is a barely readable mess lol
I assume this was someone’s personal preference when translating because you could easily replace the dialect with everyday English.
Update:
Just read further, I see this was a joke from the start. I’m out!
Thanks for translations! Although it's not your typical modern English, I still appreciate the effort of the the TL to do it like this, still prefer modern English tho