@BB-62 page 3, I would change "Yuri-chan... went from wanting to be Miku's little sister, and now... wanting to be her daughter" to "Yuri-chan... she wanted to be Miku's sister, but now... she wants to be her daughter"
Page 8, you can remove "blood" from "blood sugar rush"
She's being stuffed with so much cream, what a glutton, and she's not even willing to share with her dear nee-sama. She must truly wish to indulge in it, if she keeps this up it's gonna take 9 months to lose all the extra weight she'll gain.
So she got a casual greeting at the start of class, she got the first hug, and now she's being cradled like a sleeping child while Sou whispers sweet nothings in her ear.
This girl is going to get killed by an envious classmate before the day is out.