Asuperu Kanojo - Vol. 6 Ch. 40 - The Shimizu Family (Part Two)

[Juliko]

Uuugh...I'm not gonna lie, this chapter really rubbed me the wrong way, and I really didn't like it, mainly because it just seemed to imply that people who have trouble coping with trauma or cut themselves are just troublemakers doing it for attention (i.e. shits and giggles and to manipulate others) when that's absolutely not true. I mean, the husband claims his wife only did it to guilt-trip him and make him stay with her, and Shimizu is made out to be some troublemaker, especially with how Saitou says she "made trouble for him." This is disproved right away when Shimizu says her mother abused her and that she still struggles with controlling her emotions even in adulthood, but I hate that her husband just doesn't seem to be sympathetic towards her and that the narrative doesn't try to call him out on his toxic thinking, and this is even more important because at this point in time, we haven't seen Shimizu do what he claims she did, so we don't know for sure whether she actually did it solely for attention or not. Hell, the first thing he does is ask Saitou to show him her scars, which I hear is really rude to do because it's considered voyeuristic, and he just tells complete strangers about his wife's emotional baggage without her permission (The manga doesn't confirm whether she gave him permission or not). If someone just exposited my past and problems to someone I didn't know, I'd feel really humiliated and betrayed. While that's not to say there aren't people who deliberately cut themselves to seek attention or to manipulate others, they're mainly in the minority, and generally, people self-harm because they don't know of any healthier ways to cope with their trauma, or tried to seek help but were either refused or unable to do so, which is much more common. I have a friend who self-harms at times, and from the conversations we've had, all of it had to do with high amounts of stress and self-loathing, exacerbated by the fact that she is literally unable to get proper help for it because whatever services she knows of are too expensive. Basically, self-harm usually translates to a cry for help, not to get attention for the sake of malicious ulterior motive or shits and giggles or to manipulate others. The latter is such a persistent stereotype that's still being perpetuated in media nowadays, and I hate that this manga is contributing to it this way.

 

[Naltai]

@Juliko

As someone that has self-harmed significantly in the past (still do on occasion, though it's become far less frequent), it's always been my way of "coping." The reasoning isn't always the same, though it usually stems from wanting to feel something at all. Other times, it's because of a cry for help. And on the rarer end, I sometimes just felt like I deserved it, but that nobody cared enough about me one way or another to do anything to me themselves. You're right though, in that it's not usually attention seeking the way this husband (and mangaka, I would assume) thinks is the most common reason.

The husband definitely comes off as far too in-your-face, but it seems to work for his wife, who is already very direct on her own (you can see with how up front she is about every previous interaction with MC, regardless of how personal it may be for him), so I won't judge him too poorly just yet. You're right about the scars though; that's a very private, personal thing, and for him to just outright tell her to show him is pretty fucked.

 

[Juliko]

@Naltai: Thanks for the extra clarification and insight. I apologize if I brought up unpleasant feelings and memories in some way. I'll wait to read more and see what happens, but I just hate the fact that most media portray people who self-harm as little more than loony manipulators who enjoy being miserable and who are constantly told to get over it and stop causing trouble.

 

[Seraphus]

I hate the way they express this, but I love that I know this is how some people express this.
I think they're wrong, but that is just where they are, amd it works for them... so it doesn't matter if I think it's wrong, because it's such a small thing in the face of such overwhelming adversity.
Like, when every single day is a struggle to just have everybody alive when you go to sleep, you may not be doing it exactly the "right" way, but you're also not wrong.

And that's just my thoughts, of course; not judging the other comments that don't agree.

 

[Ced1106]

Pretty interesting how the characters in this manga aren't doing things "the right" way, like too many fictional stories do.

 

[herbatka_hime]

I hate people badmouthing those who cut for attention.
I have done that so I'll try to explain. I had a very bad fear of abandonment, so when he did something that I received as a try to leave me behind/other cases when I got hurt by an argument I felt such a horrible emotional pain (it felt as stones being thrown at my chest) that made me feel hopeless. I thought that he made me suffer so much I didn't have any other way to express how horrible I felt than cutting myself to show himself how bad I was because of the situation. I don't say it is a good thing to do, I simply haven't known any other way to cope with situations like that. I felt so hurt and not understood that in the moment blaming him by cutting myself was the only way out of the situation.

(Usually after that I felt gulity for hurting him on purpose which led to wanting to punish myself additionally.)

I have to add that cutting was also a way to ground myself and exchange the emotional pain for the physical one, which was easier to handle.

What I tried to convey here is that I don't think that people self harm for "attention" without their valid reasons. They can feel like it is the only way to keep a loved one with them and without them they couldn't survive or that this is the last possible way to show others that they are suffering or feel abandoned by the whole world. I don't think that a person without serious problems would harm themselves. (Not saying their behavior isn't toxic.)

 

[Naltai]

@Juliko

No worries, there's no feelings that you brought up that one can't expect to feel when reading a series like this in the first place. I don't shy away from talking about it either (I don't even hide my scars, generally I wear shorts and a t-shirt 365 days a year), especially in an online forum, as it's a decent way of accepting yourself and coping.

 

[Iggylevin]

People need to stop tripping out about how the family handle themselves.

Thanks for the translation btw can't wait to see the next chapter 😀

 

[Noisyboy]

@Shaolin_Funk man, they (Shimizu family) didnt want to hold a tea party, they wanted to share experience and know each other

 

[Ced1106]

BUT DID THEY HAVE TO PUT BELL PEPPERS IN THE PIZZA??? 🍕🍕🍕
Thanks for the translation!!!