While I’m here I might as well say that people who are saying it’s unreadable probably aren’t native speakers or have problems with their English. I’m an English Literature graduate so I can definitely form sentences.
Not English Translation, Japanese Culture, or Japanese Literature. Your translations sucks, that's a fact. Your "I know English because I graduated as people who studied it" doesn't hold any merit in the actual translation scene.
You get the name order wrong, and the word nuances and contexts wrong and missing, and that not getting into other territories like visual quality yet which is terrible. Your "English Literature graduate" does not make sense in whatever you do here. It's unreadable because you wrote your fan fiction to replace the dialogue here.
If you are here just to be a jerk who thinks "knowing English" gives you the merit of being a "white knight" then you are not welcomed by us. Not only do you snipe this, but also think that everybody needs to owe you, but in reality, you are the one that pollutes the quality of the series.