@labanina After looking at the raws (with my limited understanding of Japanese), there are a few things I noticed, some of them pretty nitpicky.
The first -- extremely nitpicky -- one is on page 3, the imaginary manga guy doesn't actually say "Ichi"; i.e., "Imaginary Ichi Kyoutaro ..." should just be:
Imaginary Kyoutaro/Kyoutarou ...
The second one doesn't really detract from what's happening, but it's kind of a cute moment.
On page 7, Ichikawa is a bit flustered when he's explaining about the bag. He says something like:
To keep dust off of it [the muffler], I put it in a vinyl bag
Ah, by vinyl bag, I don't mean a trash bag ...
It's one that can be sealed properly
As for his following thought bubble, I think he might just be mocking himself for upselling a Ziploc bag as "vinyl" or for describing a Ziploc bag in such a weird way. In which case, maybe it can be something like:
I'm describing a Ziploc bag like some weirdo ...
On page 8, when Ichikawa opens his window blinds, his thought bubble does say "Scary ...", but I'm not sure he means that the outside world is scary. My interpretation was that Yamada's order/command was kind of creepy (like it might be something that'd happen in a horror movie). I'm not confident on this one.
On page 11, the little footnote text for the end of the chapter should be more along the lines of:
The closer you get to Yamada, the further you get from restful sleep ... !!
As a side note, I didn't realize until a second read-through that the phrase Ichikawa wanted to get a recording of (on page 8) was probably of Yamada saying "lewd/ecchi", lol.