Eiyuu Kyoushitsu - Vol. 5 Ch. 13 - Sexual Awakening

[sintas22]

poor him..trying to seduce an innocent child what are they thinking😂😂😂

 

[HuevoPodrido]

"Not a bubble" X'D

 

[Asynchria]

@ChocoPark lol, ahh. Hello proofreader! \o

Some of the mistakes I noticed on my first read through were the following:

Page 2: haven't looked at the JP raw so I can't say that they're different, but it could easily be a copy/paste error...but the text "But sometimes he's just a bit trouble-some" appears twice. Assuming it's an error since it doesn't seem like two people were meant to say the same thing in different bubbles.

Page 3 - "Blade-kun-" (second hyphen shouldn't be there).

Page 6 - 4th panel, 2nd bubble sounds...stilted. "I'm trying to make it easy to understand, no good?" Noone says "no good?" like that, at most they'd say "Is it/am I no good?" So something like "I'm trying to make it easy for you to understand. Am I no good?"

Page 7 - top panel second bubble: same thing with the "No Good?" line there. Also should have the rest of the text rephrased to: "Aren't you getting excited?" then maybe add the "Am I no good?" after... 2nd panel, second bubble: Don't you realize that I'm talking about "that" place?!

Page 8 -2nd panel, first bubble: "What do you do when a demon revealing their bodies?" is also unnaturally tilted/using the wrong words... "What do you do when a demon reveals their body?" would be the correct usage.

Page 8 - 4th panel, first bubble: "Since when you able to do that..." - best guess I can think of for what she's trying to say here, is "Since when have you been able to do that...?" so there's a few words missing there.

Page 9 - 2nd panel: she's wearing one towel, so plural 'towels' isn't right. Also missing punctuation... 3rd panel 3rd bubble: "Using it is" ... using it is...what? This sentence sounds like it's cut off.
3rd panel: "We're not a bitches!" ... what? "a bitches" doesn't go together grammatically. "We're not bitches!" would be the right way to use the words, but then it still sounds weird (I'm assuming "bitch" in this case is some kind of Japanese slang for a slut, or something similar...that might not be well known to people, so could either use a TN note or a different word in there. "We're not sluts!" or something would sound better)

Page 10 - 5th panel. "You decided that the chance of winning in the visual psychological warfare were slim" isn't quite right. "the chance" should be changed to "your chances" or even "your chance", assuming you change the "were slim" text to "is slim". Correct text would look like: "You decided that your chances of winning the visual psychological warfare were slim." or "You decided that the chance of you winning the visual psychological warfare was slim." ... must say I prefer the first one, with "your chances" there.

Page 11 - "Is it awaken" in the bubble in the middle isn't right either. "Did it wake up?!" or "Has it woken up?!" would be better there.

Those are just a handful of the issues I saw :x There were definitely more, but I didn't really want to go through 35 pages and provide personal nitpick notes for them all unless it was really needed. Also, pretty much every single page has at least 1 bubble that's missing closing punctuation in it. I've seen some series from other groups where they only put a ? or a ! in bubbles, otherwise they leave the periods or commas off... but in this, some bubbles have a question mark, some have an exclamation point, while some have a period. There's no consistency with them, and once or twice something that seemed like a question didn't have any punctuation at all, or had a period instead of the question mark. So...yeah, pretty confusing to read.

My apologies for seeming like I'm overly anal with this nitpicking, but I'm an editor for my irl job so it's an unfortunate bad habit (literally paid to nitpick things)...so seeing something like this with a lot of obvious errors in it made me pipe up and question whether the proofreader (you) even looked at it. Not liking the series is probably why you didn't look too closely at it, and I can absolutely sympathize with that! lmao. I do a few female romance books (lonely housewife stuff...ughhhhh) and it really starts to hurt your brain after a while, so proofing something like this, where it's a fan project and not your actual/full-time job, I'm definitely not blaming you for skimming it and just making sure there are no typos. But it would be good if you could try...hrm, something like: "try to avoid actually reading the story, but evaluate each sentence/bubble on its own. You should be able to see if something sounds right (like something someone would actually say) without actually letting the asinine story sink into your mind so you have to think about how stupid it is." That's something I've had to learn with the female romance/lonely housewife stuff...evaluating the text without actually letting the story sink into my brain so I can avoid trying to think of how godawful it is.

 

[ChocoPark]

@hezkezl tbh i did notice that there was a lot more to fix, not anything specific but every sentence felt off. I dont like how the author does the conversations, and it does not help my motivation to pr it good. But i will start trying harder. I dont mind critisim, so youre free to make any comments. I do have a question though, no period or include periods?

 

[Asynchria]

@ChocoPark - periods are always preferred. Makes it easier to see if a sentence is supposed to end, or continue into the next bubble (my work usually has us using an ellipsis at the end of one that's continued into another one. "That's what..." "...she said." but the ellipsis thing is up to you Periods or ! or ? at the end of normal bubbles is deeeefinitely appreciated though! Not having one makes it look really weird/unprofessional/amateurish)

It's good that you at least noticed something felt off! Sometimes it can be hard to nail down exactly what it is that isn't quite right, so I usually start with "is this easy to comprehend?" after I search for any typos. If it is easy to comprehend but still sounds off, then I start thinking more about the story itself or like the action going on around the characters and I try to decide if the text in the boxes seems out of place for what's going on nearby. If it does fit the situation but still sounds a little off...then I might go do something else for a few minutes to let my brain relax/unwind from thinking about that specific problem, and I come back to it a few minutes later with a pair of semi-fresh eyes. Usually I find it comes down to just incorrect word usage making the way characters talk sound really unnatural/not how normal people would talk. Sometimes that's down to character specific traits (like -desu or similar things) so there's not a lot that can be done about that, but most times it's just down to a translation that's just slightly "off" (like saying 'This guy are sick.' which has the wrong word in it)

I wish I could read Japanese so I could get a better idea of how the author is making these characters sound But unfortunately all that we (the reader) have to go on is how you and the translator are making them sound. That might help you in the future if you get stuck proofreading/editing and trying to think of what to correct \o/

 

[DJKenji]

Good job Blade for being a man towards your best waifu!!,and it is rare to see girls not challenging except choosing the main girl as main wife while others mistress,huh nice😃

 

[StaticTransit]

These TL notes remind me too much of the guy who translated that summoned as a demon lord manga...and not in a good way lol. I think the quality would have to be a lot higher to get away with that kind of stuff. For example, proper grammar. The grammar actually isn't the worst I've ever seen and is plenty readable, but there are still a lot of glaring errors (e.g. "Is it awaken"). But yeah, as the others have said, proper punctuation goes a long way too.

 

[Epicredeemer]

@statictransit I actually found Whitepod’s shenanigans to be really funny especially when he did a “Hood” translation version of one of the chapters. He kept his jokes to the borders, but his translations themselves were, at the same time, good

 

[Hrien]

@ChocoPark

If every sentence is off, it's not necessarily because of the author, but usually because of how English and Japanese are vastly differently languages with very different quirks and translating them 1-to-1 is not very practical. That might also fall to your translator as well, but you should be catching grammatical mistakes. If Microsoft Word can point them out, you should be able to as well; "Since when you able to do that" is not something that should pass you by and should be the very first thing you're taking care of.

Second, there are some pretty easy tells that there's some wonk in the translating; p7, fourth panel, "Hey. Don't you get excited? No good?" is wholly incorrect English grammar in writing, and even conversationally is something you would never hear from a native English speaker. If you weren't told, the Japanese text is "ねえ。ドキドキしない？だめ？" and the translation is more or less one-to-one; there isn't anything technically incorrect about it. Word for word, the Japanese is, "Hey (Interjection). Do not excite (Imperfective Verb, Negative)? Bad (Noun)?" And in Japanese, it's perfectly fine because everything else is naturally understood from context, but in English, you might want to try and put those implied words back in: "Hey. Aren't (you) excited (by my breasts)? (Are they/Am I) no good?"

And as a proofreader, you shouldn't necessarily be doing that process, but you should be thinking about what they character is trying to convey and if that is how they would naturally convey it. A woman is trying to show off her breasts to excite a man; is this how a woman would sound saying it? No? Then of course it's going to sound off and of course it's going to sound off if the translation is a 1-to-1 literal translation. Your job is a proofreader is to notice that it sounds off (and that's one thing you've done), but then if you cannot comprehend the mood, the character's intentions, and what they want to say, it might be worth it to ask your translator what's going on and have a discussion between the two of you. A proofreader is ideally what a publishing editor is to a literary author: they are not the one who puts forth the ideas and meat of the substance, but points out what does not work well and what could be improved upon.

 

[banjomarx]

the english in this was sooo bad D:

 

[Rin2k]

oh, a hair weirdo yikes.

 

[_Captain_Kernel_]

i guess he improved a bit? it's really rare seeing a dense MC make the first move.

 

[StaticTransit]

@Epicredeemer Honestly, I was okay with his obnoxious amounts of TL notes because the TLs themselves were at least decent. The jokes themselves were, uh, very "I'm 14 and this is funny" level imo. The funniest parts of it, though, were people getting REALLY MAD in the comments, then him getting bullied into making comment-less versions lmao. Plus, I think he was the guy who also tried to make some EDM music and then got laughed at for how garbage it was. That last bit might have been a different obnoxious scanlator though, so don't quote me on that one.

 

[RudoRonuma]

Clay is an ally

 

[pepork]

So his power is somehow connected to his prostate ......??????

 

[Bidorchar]

"Not a Bubble"

 

[Abedeus]

@StaticTransit

His jokes and comments were dumb as fuck and distracting. He'd sometimes slap a "hilarious" note right in the middle of an important panel and act surprised when people DON'T WANT TO READ HIS THOUGHTS.

Also his music that he tried to promote was shit. That was him, too.

 

[StaticTransit]

@Abedeus Oh, glad I'm not remembering wrong lmao. I will say some of his chapters were a lot more obnoxious than others. Most of the time he'd keep the stuff to the margins so it was possible to ignore it still, but yeah some of his chapters would have that stuff in speech bubbles and stuff. Which was no bueno. A lot of his stuff was just BPT-style quips and one-liners but turned to 11 for what I assume was meant to be comedic effect.

But yeah, I think we can all agree that his music was painfully mediocre at best.

 

[XerxesBreak24]

Thanks for translating this!

 

[icam98]

not a bubble fucking blasted me lmao