Fechippuru - Bokura no Innocent Love - Vol. 3 Ch. 31 - A Fly in the Ointment

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The e-begging isn't such a big deal to me, as long as you guys don't mess with the actual chapter pages cause you didn't like an arc like the last group
 
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Thx for picking up, I was waiting and you delivered as promised :3
 
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THANK YOU FOR PICKING IT UP!!!!!!! I GOT SO TIRED OF GOOGLE TRANSLATING THIS MANGA THAT I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT IT lolol

I’L FOLLOW ERZA W/ ALL MY HEARTTTTT
 
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Wait, they have no dad? Did we know this because I seem to remember everyone trying to find out what the dad's fetish was going to be
 
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Hey, I have a few typos or really awkward things to report since you asked:

On page 1, it should be "salon" instead of "saloon" (that's a bar in the Wild West)
On page 4, calling the hair "my clump" sounds really weird for some reason. Like something you might dig out of a drain. I might call it "the leftovers" or maybe "the chunk" but definitely not "my" anything.
On page 6, "template tsundere little sister" should probably be "textbook tsundere little sister." "Textbook" means something is a classic example, while "template" is a just a boring example you can customize, like a basic website.
There were some other awkward sentences, but those were the most noticeable.

Thanks for the translation!
 
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@pajamawolfie
Thanks for the comment ! We'll take it into account and try to improve for the following chapters.
I'm the proofreader and I try to do my best doing that and I know i'm still inexperienced on some things, constructive comments like yours help a ton my team and me to get better at it.
For the "saloon", i mixed up both words for some reasons and didn't go for "salon".
I didn't really question "clump" since it seemed fine to me but i guess not.
I had no idea for the "template" thing, so thanks for that.

I'll try my best to review the sentences to be less awkward in the future for some
 
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I was about to comment on the salon/saloon thing, but I see pajamawolfie has already addressed that.
It is a very common mixup in my country, Malaysia.
I've taken a look at the raw for this chapter, and I don't think "じゃあその髪早く捨てて?" should be translated as "Well then, can you hurry up and throw away my clump?"
I would translate it as "So then, could you hurry up and get rid of that hair?" since that's what it literally means.
Also, I looked into the scene before this, and I think the translations aren't following what was said quite as closely.
"どっちみち毛先は美容院で整えてもらうから", translated as "I can always go to a saloon to get any mistakes fixed." actually means "I'll be getting the tips of my hair done at the beauty salon anyway"
"過ちは゛死゛だ…", translated as "any mistakes are punishable only by "death"", actually means "failure means "death"..."
The title of this chapter, "Interlude 瑛乃の来訪", is not "A Fly in the Ointment". It is supposed to be "Interlude: Eno's Visit".
"A Fly in the Ointment" is the translation for the segment header, "玉に瑕", which is for the page in which Eno shows her concern for Tatsu but sticks her head in between Kotoka's legs at the end of the page. "玉に瑕" literally means "flaw in the jewel", and the meaning this Japanese idiom is expressed in the English idiom "fly in the ointment".
The next segment header, "顔に出るのは素直故かバカ故か", which is for the page directly following the previous page, should be translated as well, but somehow the unnecessary explanation for "pot calling the kettle black" replaces it. The segment header means "Not sure if what's shown on her face is because of honesty or stupidity"
Kotoka's line, "絵面が変態すぎて全く感動できない…", which was translated as "That story's ending was so stupid that I couldn't feel anything...", is not entirely wrong, but rather than the story's ending, the description is for the story itself, and unfortunately it was the subtext that was translated rather than the main text; this is most likely intentionally done by the author: the furigana for "変態" is normally "へんたい", but in the raw, "バカ" was given. "変態" = "hentai" = "perverted" but in this case, the author wants to show "変態" and "バカ" at the same time. Thus, if I were to translate this line, I'd say, "The story is too perverted (stupid) that I can't feel anything..."
I didn't go through every single line to check for inaccuracies in translation; these are just the ones that caught my eye as I glossed over the raw.
I used to be a translator more than 10 years ago, and I would be more than happy to translate manga chapters, but now I'm too busy with work to do translations.
 
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@Maiorem This being my first chapter of this series, as you can clearly see... I kinda suck XDD
Thanks for the criticism! It'll help me get better in the future!

I'll be taking those into consideration for the next chapter I write!
 
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Future sisters in law is this chapter.


Future brothers in law is your average JoJo chapter.

Depends on length and neatness, I'd presume...And I don't want to think how feels about armpits... @LordFifthIsLife
 
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@Poke_Eterey I'm curious, what's your translation process like? Do you have access to the raws yourself or does someone provide you with the transcript? This is important because you need to be able to visually compare the context for the translation.

When translating, do you use a dictionary? I'm assuming you know how to read hiragana and katakana but you are not too familiar with kanji. This might pose some problems like the one I highlighted about the author using "baka" as furigana for the kanji for "hentai".

Do you go with dynamic or formal equivalence? For example, to translate "玉に瑕" as "a fly in the ointment" would be dynamic equivalence, and if you translated it as "flaw in the jewel" and then provide a TL note explaining that it's a Japanese idiom with the same meaning as "a fly in the ointment", that would be formal equivalence.

I'll try to find ways to help you be a better translator. For now, the above are the things you need to consider, besides your mastery of the source language as well as the target language.
Please don't take too many liberties with the translation.
 

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