Dex-chan lover
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2018
- Messages
- 1,265
@HEXyren
To be fair, while both share blame, Tatsu holds a bit more of the blame currently. However, both are going about this all wrong, though that is very common and expected of a relationship built upon personal fetishes. It could be a bit closer, if they held the same fetish, or their relationship's foundation was something else.
I say Tatsu is more at fault, only because he is new to relationships and does not realize how some of his actions get portrayed. While you can't be faulted for ignorance, not actively trying to improve, not apologizing for mistakes you made, and poor communication (they both share this fault though) is. For example, only after she left did Tatsu really start to acknowledge he likes her.
For this entire time, he has been acting like he is hosting her like a guest visitor at his house, instead of living together with his girlfriend. Think of it like this. Would a person in a relationship, normally go on a date with another women who has obvious signs of liking them a lot, just because they lost a petty bet? No. Would a person in a relationship invite another women into his house to spend the day with him, on the day him and his GF dedicated to just each other? No. Does a man in a relationship invite a women to spend the night when GF isn't home? Yes, but that is because they don't like their current GF and are willingly cheating on her. Tatsu doesn't fit this. He does love Kotoka. He is just new to relationships. There are things you can no longer do when you get into a relationship. He did not learn this.
While Kotoka's actions are somewhat extreme, and usually mean the relationship is over, that isn't the case here. She very much still likes him. However, she has her own issues too. She struggles with asking directly what she wants and then one-sidedly decides major things for both of them without confronting Tatsu first. Her ban came seemingly out of nowhere for Tatsu, but for her, it logically made sense. She wants to make the relationship more about each other as a whole, then just about sharing their fetishes. So she cut out the fetishes to force focus on the other areas because he was seemingly not getting the hint like she wanted. He actually did get the hint once she told him, but he just didn't act how she intended. Which threw her off. This is what she has to work on. Asking for specifically what she wants, and then telling him when she is unhappy with something instead of just hinting about it or not saying anything. She needs to understand that this is still his first real relationship, and he is going to make seemingly obvious mistakes.
The good thing is that Tatsu agrees with her idea of expanding the relationship beyond fetishes. This is do-able, but he struggles because he is new to this, and has yet to learn a lot of the "do's and do not's" of dating. He also isn't great at recognizing and then deciphering the subtle hints and reading into the reasons for her actions. Many men actually struggle with this, especially those who have not dated for a long term relationship (like 2+ years), or those who have never been in one before. Tatsu fits both categories. You need time to learn each other's mannerisms and methods of "hint dropping" which only come either by spending a long time with each other, or telling each other directly.
So Tatsu is at fault primarily. Only because he has just now started acting like a person in a relationship. Like I said, you can't fault him for not knowing initially, but you can for him downplaying a serious relationship, not looking to change his actions when asked, not apologizing for his mistakes, and his share of the poor communication. There has never been a single relationship where there was never a communication issue at one point. Literally every relationship has them. Interestingly enough, the issue is usually about a small thing too. It just is that both parties do not express their desires in a direct, easy to understand way. They always seem to complicate simple issues. Instead of "Hey, it really bothers me when you ____, could you stop?" they say "Sure go ahead" while quietly staying annoyed. Or if they want something, instead of "I would like to ____, where we ____ and ____. Is that something we could try doing?" they drop hints hoping their partner picks up on it, but then gets frustrated when they don't.
To be fair, while both share blame, Tatsu holds a bit more of the blame currently. However, both are going about this all wrong, though that is very common and expected of a relationship built upon personal fetishes. It could be a bit closer, if they held the same fetish, or their relationship's foundation was something else.
I say Tatsu is more at fault, only because he is new to relationships and does not realize how some of his actions get portrayed. While you can't be faulted for ignorance, not actively trying to improve, not apologizing for mistakes you made, and poor communication (they both share this fault though) is. For example, only after she left did Tatsu really start to acknowledge he likes her.
For this entire time, he has been acting like he is hosting her like a guest visitor at his house, instead of living together with his girlfriend. Think of it like this. Would a person in a relationship, normally go on a date with another women who has obvious signs of liking them a lot, just because they lost a petty bet? No. Would a person in a relationship invite another women into his house to spend the day with him, on the day him and his GF dedicated to just each other? No. Does a man in a relationship invite a women to spend the night when GF isn't home? Yes, but that is because they don't like their current GF and are willingly cheating on her. Tatsu doesn't fit this. He does love Kotoka. He is just new to relationships. There are things you can no longer do when you get into a relationship. He did not learn this.
While Kotoka's actions are somewhat extreme, and usually mean the relationship is over, that isn't the case here. She very much still likes him. However, she has her own issues too. She struggles with asking directly what she wants and then one-sidedly decides major things for both of them without confronting Tatsu first. Her ban came seemingly out of nowhere for Tatsu, but for her, it logically made sense. She wants to make the relationship more about each other as a whole, then just about sharing their fetishes. So she cut out the fetishes to force focus on the other areas because he was seemingly not getting the hint like she wanted. He actually did get the hint once she told him, but he just didn't act how she intended. Which threw her off. This is what she has to work on. Asking for specifically what she wants, and then telling him when she is unhappy with something instead of just hinting about it or not saying anything. She needs to understand that this is still his first real relationship, and he is going to make seemingly obvious mistakes.
The good thing is that Tatsu agrees with her idea of expanding the relationship beyond fetishes. This is do-able, but he struggles because he is new to this, and has yet to learn a lot of the "do's and do not's" of dating. He also isn't great at recognizing and then deciphering the subtle hints and reading into the reasons for her actions. Many men actually struggle with this, especially those who have not dated for a long term relationship (like 2+ years), or those who have never been in one before. Tatsu fits both categories. You need time to learn each other's mannerisms and methods of "hint dropping" which only come either by spending a long time with each other, or telling each other directly.
So Tatsu is at fault primarily. Only because he has just now started acting like a person in a relationship. Like I said, you can't fault him for not knowing initially, but you can for him downplaying a serious relationship, not looking to change his actions when asked, not apologizing for his mistakes, and his share of the poor communication. There has never been a single relationship where there was never a communication issue at one point. Literally every relationship has them. Interestingly enough, the issue is usually about a small thing too. It just is that both parties do not express their desires in a direct, easy to understand way. They always seem to complicate simple issues. Instead of "Hey, it really bothers me when you ____, could you stop?" they say "Sure go ahead" while quietly staying annoyed. Or if they want something, instead of "I would like to ____, where we ____ and ____. Is that something we could try doing?" they drop hints hoping their partner picks up on it, but then gets frustrated when they don't.
