Hmm... I'm not a fan of this translation style. What's up with adding your own extra dialogue? And then, even removing some? Granted, I've only compared the first two pages against the raws so maybe it's more accurate afterwards, but this takes too much liberty with the TL than I'm comfortable with.
Edit: Forgot to add that the bottom first bubble on the first page isn't even right; it's supposed to be "It's the clear bonus for beating the Bolf Forest boss!" - hell, it literally says "Clear Bonus" in katakana, クリアボーナス AND he's already beaten the boss.
Edit 2: Okay yeah no, the second page is also trash after looking into it more. First two bubbles: "A monster isn't going to pop out from the gacha, right?" "You've got EX Luck, no way that sorta thing is gonna happen you know." Somehow the second bubble gets completely mistranslated. I'm super skeptical about the rest being accurate now...