this arc is hurting me way too much because it's hitting way too close to home. the only reason why i'm closeted is because of my family's pressure. i don't care about anyone else, but my family would definitely reject me and really they're all i have. sometimes i feel just like this lady in the comic, like wouldn't it be better if i was an orphan because it's extremely heavy and it's tiring to be weighted under this blanket.
I really want the two of them to end up together just because i want to see the happy ending. actually i just need to see huan wen have his happy ending. i feel like i really relate to him, because around friends it's okay to be out, as long as you're quiet about it. and if people come to know about your sexual identity it's just not prefferd not horrible, but you've also hardly ever said it out loud directly. you can tell from this chapter that huan wen has never been explicit about his identity as a gay man, from his body language to the look in his eyes to the way the words struggle to come out of his mouth. it's all new to him. he's not like yuyang who's open about being open about his sexuality, he's just always been putting the topic on the back burner. it's something to worry about later, and as he gets older it's getting harder and harder for him to deal with it.
this chapter hurts, from the atmosphere to the topics of the conversations being held to the art to the expressions to the dialogue. it's a really heavy chapter but it's also something that needed to be addressed. and this was a good way to put it. i hope huan wen finds his voice and finds the courage to take his next step. if his happy ending is being in a relationship that's great! if his happy ending is just being able to confidently say, "i'm gay" that's even better! i need him to be happy and take the next step forward, whatever that may be.