Imasara desuga, Osananajimi o Suki ni Natteshimaimashita - Ch. 45.5 - Sin, Punishment, And Reward

[chiruno09]

This is fucked up.
At the very least, she feels really guilty about it?

 

[Ignore]

Because she somehow feels "impure" for having had sex with Yuu—which is partly why she has a bad reputation at her school. Incidentally, he has a similar mindset. These concepts of purity reinforced in both of them the feeling of having done something "forbidden", especially since having sex in love hotels while underage is illegal in Japan —and worldwide.
That's why she sees sex as both positive and necessary, and at the same time forbidden and impure. They both act as if they've completely lost their innocence. This is partly why neither of them told anyone about the sexual aspects of their relationship, including Hikari. When Yami finally told Hikari and her friends, she distorted the events and portrayed herself as a slut when in reality she had only had sex with her boyfriend, whom she loved.
This also explains why her proposal to live together in chapter 28 was almost a marriage proposal, and why Yuu also wanted to commit to Ayami for life. Their romance is partly tragic because both of them—though much more so her—failed to communicate this to each other.
Hence, Yami almost put on Unravel while having sex with Yuu. This is why it's so important that Hikari does NOT share this view of love and sexuality, and why she feels ashamed of still being a virgin (chapter 5). This is also why she fell in love with Yuu precisely because he had gained sexual and emotional experience with Aya.

An elegant theory, but it does not explain events as well as a much simpler one. Yami hates being alive because she has mental illnesses and a broken home environment. She wants other people to tell her she's right about the way she feels. However, since she is young, female, physically attractive, has no visible health issues, from a family with money, academically gifted, is not interested in drugs, and lives in a wealthy, safe, country with worker shortages... she gets showered with kindness and opportunities instead of being validated. When she opens up about he inner feelings and things she has thought about for years, people close to her don't react with "you are brilliant, you are right, and I respect you" they react with "you don't understand yourself as well as I do, you silly, misguided, child". She hurts the people who love her to get them to say what she wants to hear "you are better off dead". Her first sexual experience is a result of a guy with a savior complex trying to make her feel better, and the guy with the savior complex continues trying to save her throughout their relationship. What's more likely - fantasizing about the person you love doing what you desperately desire, or fantasizing about some variety of pity sex?

 

[GennArc]

"Save me, Yuu. Come and break me more violently than any other time."

Well, do you remember a single time when he "broke her violently"? She is just referring to their sex.

It's explicitly stated she is fantasizing, not remembering

Stated where?

 

[Ignore]

Well, do you remember a single time when he "broke her violently"? She is just referring to their sex.

Stated where?

Fantasy = something different than previously experienced. "More violently than ever before" = something different than I remember.

Yuu has never broken her in any physical way. Would have picked up on her being a virgin after the fact if he had.

 

[story645]

Admitting that means that they are gonna fight for him, it means they become rivals, it means she won't just be able to step aside like she intended to.

The kiss already did that. Hikari understands that if Aya was really in a place where Aya could really step aside, then Aya would have. That's why Hikari is so insistent on Aya owning up that Aya isn't in that place.