Kasane to Subaru - Ch. 24

[Kaarme]

First off, I personally like this arc and I do find it mostly relatable even if it is a rather extreme case here. The overall point gets across, tho.

Same for your comment, I get and even agree with where your thought process ends up at but calling it a "desire to monopolise, especially when it comes to Kasane's hobbies" and then going even further into calling out that she should not "accommodate to his possessiveness too much" is heavily overexaggerated.
This is their first true relationship with infinitely more depth than anything they had to deal with until now as we got to know. They both are incredibly vulnerable by choice which is a good sign. He clearly, known to both of them, is more on the emotional side and more invested into the "usual" relationship aspects- some of it being "my significant other is my number 1 above all"-rose-tinted glasses or sharing everything with each other.
She is more realistic and sees their relationship for what it is, putting it on the same level as work and everything else that is concerning her herself. That in itself is fine and really healthy but this is where this being their first time comes into play- it is all about talking (like is about to happen) and making compromises.
He is kinda trying to monopolise but not possessive at all. He is scared for his place. At her side and in their relationship. She didn't make an effort at all to understand him here (until now) and he didn't communicate properly (as he admitted to himself). He just now realized what I typed before- he is not her sole number 1. She treats everyone the same, which makes her a beautiful human but can be a bit hurtful to a lover. This does happen in other manga, IRL and in other media.

Incredibly well done drama and even if overexaggerated for the medium and entertainment, it flows and feels organic. REALLY looking forward to how this plays out. They both need to make strives to improve as is nature.

Yeah, I did exaggerate it, though I did note their relationship is still fresh, thus they aren't overly used to each other or know their own or the other's boundaries (what they find comfortable or need to feel comfortable), in a manner of speaking.

I view monopolising and being possessive as the same. He finds it annoying, if not worrying, that she has a separate world he's quite ignorant of, and she has there like-minded people he can't replace. He ended up showing signs of jealousy due to it, the worst of it the passive-aggressive behavior he reprimanded himself for.

I'd say Kasanehad no idea what was going on. Maybe she now does, maybe not, but I reckon she will after they have a talk. It's not so easy to realise such a thing when it's something that has always been a part of her life, now also a part of her job. She didn't do anything wrong, though. The relationship is dead in the water if she needs to let go of her hobby. His hobby is what brought them together, for comparison. Though I don't expect him to ever demand such a thing. He merely needs to accept her hobby will take a portion of her time and it involves other, random people. Nothing prevents him from showing some interest in it either.

 

[laeus]

He's in love and doesn't want to see her sharing her attention with others, simple as that, so intrusive thoughts come that make no sense and pile up in his mind. To make matters worse, he's losing her attention to things he doesn't understand, so the conversation doesn't flow in person or on the cell phone.

 

[arimareiji]

yeah… currently going through this with my therapist and it kinda hit me when they told me “you constantly make room and make excuses for other people but give yourself none of that same credit, and in fact abuse yourself on a near constant basis- would you say the same things to a child who had been through EVERYTHING you went through but WAS NOT you.”

Made me start sobbing because the amount of pain I imagined causing the child was like a stab in the heart (something that doesn’t happen when I say those same things to “myself”

If it helps, that's one of the ways I try to tamp down the worst of it… realizing that we're only kidding ourselves that we're keeping it all inside.

We think of it that way, but all of the self-abusive self-talk isn't the final manifestation of a "flower"... it's a "stem" or maybe a "leaf". At the subconscious level, it'll keep feeding behaviors that flower out into hurting the people who care about us -- as we see with Subaru here. He can't keep it all inside, so he passive-aggressively acts out. And it fatally sabotages real trust, because how do you trust the motives of someone who incomprehensibly "deserves far better" and therefore will quickly abandon you / is only motivated by transient pity / etc?

And if it helps in terms of re-externalizing it, it really is a "stem" or a "leaf". The "root" is having been deeply hurt by people we trusted absolutely, so much so that when they abused us we couldn't even question whether it was wrong. They didn't deserve that trust, but we continue taking their word for it and echoing it. To the detriment of the people we should trust.

 

[MaCl0wSt]

Thanks for the chapter!

 

[Kaios]

Girl you have nothing to apologize for. You should not feel bad for anything. You've done nothing wrong here. The fact that we're even having a discussion about "wrongs" over something so mundane is what is actually wrong.

This is such an overreaction and that is what should be their discussion points, not her apologizing for... (gasp)...having a hobby and being excited!? Oh the horror...This is entirely his issue. I am also a major introvert, over thinker and anxiety bundle but I know that's my issue and would not expect an apology for something that's my problem to work through.

I really hope they don't make it seem like she didn't do something. He needs to work on himself and he is the one who should apologize for making what should have been a fun new experience for her into being about him again.

The fact that even I, while reading the chapter, felt a tinge of anxiety whenever Kasane would happily discuss her hobby or get excited because I worried about how Suburu would react, is itself a travesty. That should not happen. Kasane shouldn't feel she has to modulate her own happiness to appease his; nor should she decide to indulge in her hobby less. She barely did anything. This is not a "both sides" situation.

She doesn't have to apologize that's true, but at the same time it's Kasane we're talking about, of course she's gonna do it. At least for forgetting about their plans.
And yeah, Subaru is being unfair, but he's deeply aware of it, that's why he can't talk about it, and that's exactly why he's crying. (And yes, when you feel like you can't speak your mind, you start acting passive-agressive)

It's not a "both sides" situation, it's just a realistic situation. Let's wait and see how it will get resolved next chapter.

 

[KingCarna]

If it helps, that's one of the ways I try to tamp down the worst of it… realizing that we're only kidding ourselves that we're keeping it all inside.

We think of it that way, but all of the self-abusive self-talk isn't the final manifestation of a "flower"... it's a "stem" or maybe a "leaf". At the subconscious level, it'll keep feeding behaviors that flower out into hurting the people who care about us -- as we see with Subaru here. He can't keep it all inside, so he passive-aggressively acts out. And it fatally sabotages real trust, because how do you trust the motives of someone who incomprehensibly "deserves far better" and therefore will quickly abandon you / is only motivated by transient pity / etc?

And if it helps in terms of re-externalizing it, it really is a "stem" or a "leaf". The "root" is having been deeply hurt by people we trusted absolutely, so much so that when they abused us we couldn't even question whether it was wrong. They didn't deserve that trust, but we continue taking their word for it and echoing it. To the detriment of the people we should trust.

That’s very interesting and I will have to give that some honest thought.

 

[Mikubanzai]

I'm shy, insecure and tend to overthink a fuck ton. This chapter with Subaru and his inner conflict just hits straight home. So real holy shit.

 

[yoshiii]

It's hard to overcome yourself, especially if you're a person with low self-esteem. Glad he has a proper partner who is very emotionally intelligent

 

[Doutorfunga]

I can't find it relatable at all, but I can understand why he would behave like that. I can hardly judge this to be a good sign for their relationship, though, unless promptly dealt with. Of course it's still a new relationship, so perhaps he's just not too confident/feeling secure yet, but his desire to monopolise, especially when it comes to Kasane's hobbies (that overlap her job), is pretty bad. But then again, nothing's hopeless because he did immediately recognise he's, himself, behaving incorrectly here. Now I can only hope Kasane won't try to accommodate to his possessiveness too much. That's not the answer to anything, after all. She just needs to make him understand it's not away from him and everything's still cool and the same as far as their relationship goes.

That's not at all what I got out of it, though. Seems like Subaru feels excluded from that growing camaraderie and feels like he's actually nothing special to Kasane, since she hit it off very fast and very intensely with the other guy. For folks with such battered self-esteem, it's really easy to jump to this kind of conclusion (ask me how I know). And remember, to Subaru and Kasane, the other fella is intensely associated with the hobby, she's attracted to one as she is to the other.

yeah… currently going through this with my therapist and it kinda hit me when they told me “you constantly make room and make excuses for other people but give yourself none of that same credit, and in fact abuse yourself on a near constant basis- would you say the same things to a child who had been through EVERYTHING you went through but WAS NOT you.”

Made me start sobbing because the amount of pain I imagined causing the child was like a stab in the heart (something that doesn’t happen when I say those same things to “myself”

Holy crap, I came for fluff and I got one hell of an insight on this subject. Thanks for telling us this, really

 

[KingCarna]

like he said, hes letting his pettiness get the better of him. at least this series will actually talk it out, instead of letting it sit and fester for like 5 more chapters

I agree and more than that, that the main character is someone who will initiate that conversation instead of LETTING it fester. Hopefully that’s a character trait that will continue

 

[weleasewodger]

Subaru is one jelly boy

 

[Kindablue]

Girl you have nothing to apologize for. You should not feel bad for anything. You've done nothing wrong here. The fact that we're even having a discussion about "wrongs" over something so mundane is what is actually wrong.

This is such an overreaction and that is what should be their discussion points, not her apologizing for... (gasp)...having a hobby and being excited!? Oh the horror...This is entirely his issue. I am also a major introvert, over thinker and anxiety bundle but I know that's my issue and would not expect an apology for something that's my problem to work through.

I really hope they don't make it seem like she didn't do something. He needs to work on himself and he is the one who should apologize for making what should have been a fun new experience for her into being about him again.

The fact that even I, while reading the chapter, felt a tinge of anxiety whenever Kasane would happily discuss her hobby or get excited because I worried about how Suburu would react, is itself a travesty. That should not happen. Kasane shouldn't feel she has to modulate her own happiness to appease his; nor should she decide to indulge in her hobby less. She barely did anything. This is not a "both sides" situation.

The problem he has isn't that she has a hobby it's that he thinks (perhaps irrationally) she doesn't value their relationship as much as he does, which isn't a minor issue. If you think your SO doesn't care about your relationship, how could you continue it? You're right that she doesn't need to apologize, but she does need to reassure him.

 

[SrNevik]

The problem he has isn't that she has a hobby it's that he thinks (perhaps irrationally) she doesn't value their relationship as much as he does, which isn't a minor issue. If you think your SO doesn't care about your relationship, how could you continue it? You're right that she doesn't need to apologize, but she does need to reassure him.

She's done nothing wrong, nor has she done anything to suggest that she doesn't care as much as he does. She can reassure him because she's a kind, empathetic person, but if this pattern continues it would become exhausting for anyone. She can't always be walking on eggshells around him. We're having this discussion just because she showed interest in her hobby with others who share her interest. That's all it took to create this mini-crisis. You can't get more innocent than that.

 

[Kindablue]

No she doesn't. She's done nothing wrong, nor has she done anything to suggest that she doesn't care as much as he does. She can reassure him because she's an empathetic person, but if this pattern continues it would become exhausting for anyone. She can't always be walking on eggshells around him. We're having this discussion just because she showed interest in her hobby with others who share her interest. That's it. You can't get more innocent than that.

She has to reassure him that she cares or the relationship will most likely end. Whose at fault or whatever is not important. Even if your partner is being irrational, you still have to take their feelings seriously.

 

[SrNevik]

She has to reassure him that she cares or the relationship will most likely end. Whose at fault or whatever is not important. Even if your partner is being irrational, you still have to take their feelings seriously.

And I'm sure she will but this can't become a regular thing and he has to come out of the discussion understanding that. Otherwise that's far too much pressure being put on her to watch her every step and measure the most innocent of decisions. That's not comfortable.

 

[favine]

love that they talk it out.

 

[gronkle]

The ol' Ikiru park swing of melancholy.