1. Smear vaseline all over it
2. Have my face sat on by it.
3. Tie it up a thick rope and hang it from the ceiling
4. Smack it with wooden dowel/spatula
5. several hours of shiatsu massage.
6. Drop hot candle wax on it
7. Tickle it with the softest feather in the world
8. Write "THICC MEAT, PROPERTY OF ME" with black marker on it
9. Performing ventriloquist like Ace Ventura with it.