Namaiki na Gal Ane wo Wakaraseru Hanashi

[BuyVelomobiles]

Admit that you made a mistake when writing it, it is better to accept mistakes to improve.

Stick to Spanish.

 

[GlyphXion]

Well that's a start. Any specifics? I can't get any better if you don't tell me what the problem is.

Just talking about chapter 1, there are a lot of text bubbles that end without any punctuation, especially in comics this looks very unnatural and off-putting.
as well as this, in regards to things like this there are certain ways you have to do it if you want to extend the length of a word in english, this should be 'sooo', it's the same reason greatttt doesn't work but greaaaat or greeeeeeat do. I guess most of the time, it should be vowels that are extended.
elipses doesn't make sense here, "even though she's so hot, what a waste." is a more natural example, but there are other ways to phrase it.
this is a literal translation of まんこ二毛作 that doesn't make sense, for most slang like this you can find definitions on pixiv dic, or in this case dic.niconico.jp (https://dic.nicovideo.jp/a/まんこ二毛作)
minor nitpick that doesn't matter but this sounds better as "that's all" rather than "all that's"
this is a really good redraw, nice!!
nobody calls their sister this in english, most people would prefer aneki but this is a personal choice, so not the most important.
This isn't everything and is just the first chapter, but it's the obvious stuff I could spot. About the typesetting, I apologise for that - I got your chapter mixed up with the other guy's, there's no problems whatsoever with yours!

 

[BuyVelomobiles]

Just talking about chapter 1, there are a lot of text bubbles that end without any punctuation, especially in comics this looks very unnatural and off-putting.

I can see how that would upset you. Though they don't appear in the original text, so I'm just staying faithful to that.

as well as this, in regards to things like this there are certain ways you have to do it if you want to extend the length of a word in english, this should be 'sooo', it's the same reason greatttt doesn't work but greaaaat or greeeeeeat do. I guess most of the time, it should be vowels that are extended.

Actually, that wasn't "extending" the word so much as punctuating it. Imagine the emphasis being put on the "O". Like "Wow, she's SSSO unfriendly." The point is to emphasize just how unfriendly she is by tone of voice, but I guess that doesn't necessarily come across well.

this is a literal translation of まんこ二毛作 that doesn't make sense, for most slang like this you can find definitions on pixiv dic, or in this case dic.niconico.jp (https://dic.nicovideo.jp/a/まんこ二毛作)

In my defense, I did look it up, but this is the first time Nico's worked for me. Every other time I've tried going on there, the site's hung completely. That said, now that I have this, I'll work on it. Thanks.

elipses doesn't make sense here, "even though she's so hot, what a waste." is a more natural example, but there are other ways to phrase it.

It's a standalone statement in Japanese; But even if I join it together with the previous one for flow in English, I don't know. That just sounds like the equivalent of "Can't be helped", but for "なのに”. It all sounds weird to me. Dunno. I'll think it over a bit. I'm sure there's a better way to do it regardless. That said, if I join it with the last statement, the colon would make even more sense since the bit after actually restates and clarifies everything that proceeds it. She''s hot, but she's mean, which the speaker finds unfortunate. So I might actually do that.

this is a really good redraw, nice!!

Thanks!

nobody calls their sister this in english, most people would prefer aneki but this is a personal choice, so not the most important.

You know what? You're absolutely right. I wasn't 100% about the "Sister" thing, but I went along with it anyway for some reason. It's not like I'm even against just keeping the terms in normally.

This isn't everything and is just the first chapter, but it's the obvious stuff I could spot.

Hey, keep it coming. This is the stuff I crave.

 

[pfjtnt]

There something diffrent about this them i remeber

 

[roninnonin11]

Isn't this the author who fought with her fans about semantics (rape or no rape, NTR or no NTR) while fans simply didn't like being baited into a NTR story?

 

[2hot4you]

new manga, same discussions, feels like home

 

[Kdrakon]

Turn around turn aroung turn around turn aroud turn around turn around turn aroud dont read, turn around, TURN AROUND.

 

[BuyVelomobiles]

Isn't this the author who fought with her fans about semantics (rape or no rape, NTR or no NTR) while fans simply didn't like being baited into a NTR story?

No, only NTR was in controversy with her. No sane person thought there was rape in the story.

 

[BakedBanana]

Archiving the score of 6.47 (Avg 5.7828):

 

[lamelamma]

Just read ch 3 and SHE DIDN’T GET R*PED. Didn’t think I’d actually have to say that, but let’s hope it remains this way

 

[BuyVelomobiles]

Just read ch 3 and SHE DIDN’T GET R*PED. Didn’t think I’d actually have to say that, but let’s hope it remains this way

Say what you want about Egaki, but I think she's drawn rape once, and it's that new fanbox she put out after this got serialized. It was a blackmail thing.

 

[CainZakkart]

Why on earth is this on popular again? Now I have to look at this rubbish every time I come here again. I couldn't care less about the fact the the crap in the fanbox isn't canon. The fact that they made crap wouldn't change, and I will forever remember it every time I have to see this thing.

While I only hate the author's work originally, I would've respected them if they stayed true to their desire. I hate author's who create makes wholesomeish works upfront while selling NTR (EDIT: or anything similar) at the back. An example would be that manga about a ragged elf.

 

[BuyVelomobiles]

Why on earth is this on popular again? Now I have to look at this rubbish every time I come here again. I couldn't care less about the fact the the crap in the fanbox isn't canon. The fact that they made crap wouldn't change, and I will forever remember it every time I have to see this thing.

While I only hate the author's work originally, I would've respected them if they stayed true to their desire. I hate author's who create makes wholesomeish works upfront while selling NTR at the back. An example would be that manga about a ragged elf.

It wouldn't be NTR either way, since this timeline establishes that his interest in her is familial, not romantic. It wouldn't be NTR this time around even if the author found a way to triple down on the girl being an incorrigible whore.

And the ragged elf wasn't NTR either...

 

[CainZakkart]

It wouldn't be NTR either way, since this timeline establishes that his interest in her is familial, not romantic. It wouldn't be NTR this time around even if the author found a way to triple down on the girl being an incorrigible whore.

And the ragged elf wasn't NTR either...

Yeah, I know it's probably far of from being NTR. But I am quite mad about it. Not to mention, she's still an irredeemable whore. And about the ragged elf, while I know her past wasn't without those. I wished I didn't have to see it.

Either way, I still dislike both of them from engraving crap upon my brain. But I do think I should've worded what I think about the ragged elf better. It definitely wasn't NTR, I originally liked it cause it was wholesome. But seeing the past even though I knew what had happened pissed me of.

 

[BuyVelomobiles]

Yeah, I know it's probably far of from being NTR. But I am quite mad about it. Not to mention, she's still an irredeemable whore. And about the ragged elf, while I know her past wasn't without those. I wished I didn't have to see it.

Either way, I still dislike both of them from engraving crap upon my brain. But I do think I should've worded what I think about the ragged elf better. It definitely wasn't NTR, I originally liked it cause it was wholesome. But seeing the past even though I knew what had happened pissed me of.

Irredeemable whore? In the FB, she's literally being blackmailed, and in the main story, she outright pushes the guy off herself when he puts his arm around her, then tells him and the rape gang that she wants to go home before passing out. The closest we have to "whore" is the FB where the hearts appear halfway through. But she's crying too, and her eyes are all spiral-y, which suggests she's still not willing, but is also orgasming by sheer physiological reflex.

Though I can understand the ragged elf thing.

 

[BenjoKenzooie]

You have to remember that stories aren't real life: When characters say something, it's important. If this were an actual hidden-camera documentary of some slut's life, we could have a talk about how they're just talking shit. But when the author goes out of its way to bring something up, you need to listen. The woman is great at giving exposition. Realistically, this was just a nod to the older version of the work (The one that got her banned, since it involved rape and incest), but it also means she's foreshadowing the romance here too.


Honestly, who even knows what anyone was feeling in the first place? I don't think even the author knew with how badly she wrote everyone. All I know is that the author mentioned it when she literally had no reason to under the circumstances. It's not like she didn't take the opportunity to tell us they're not blood related in the next chapter anyway.

Considering it's a reboot of literal netori incest rape porn, it's not surprising she kept FMC as a whore: She didn't know how far to dial back the porn bits of the story, so she ended up not pulling back enough.

You say it’s NTR but isn’t the whole plot that she stops whoring around after the brother helps her?
That’s not exactly cheating much less NTR.

 

[BuyVelomobiles]

You say it’s NTR but isn’t the whole plot that she stops whoring around after the brother helps her?
That’s not exactly cheating much less NTR.

She very specifically doesn't stop whoring around until the end of chapter 4. The plot is that she whores around, her brother does the bare minimum for her, and then, after some unspecified length (heh. Length) of time, she decides to stop whoring around after deepthroating a guy, and seeing that her brother texted her about dinner immediately after.

Also, you say "cheating, much less NTR" as if "NTR" is somehow the narrower category; As if it's some kind of subset of "cheating". You do know what NTR is, right? 🤨

 

[MLGSwagmaster64]

Pog, she was saved from those douchebags
Brother for the win

 

[adsweety]

The English translation….. holy shit it’s awful

 

[BuyVelomobiles]

The English translation….. holy shit it’s awful

If you look carefully, you'll notice there are two. You read the one by @Michika . Try the one by @BuyVelomobiles instead.