yeah there's the obvious mistakes of getting genders and pronouns wrong for the female cast members, but also when a character is speaking you really should not also be using the text bubble to tell me what emotion is attached to their speech, that's what the drawings are for already.
It also makes me question, where you're getting the raw text from? because there's no way "I'm a man he shouted with pride, his voice booming and echoing through the room" is coming from the raw manga. that really sounds like something you'd get from the novel version instead.
Like obviously if you're going to continue translating this, then I can only cheer you on. But the current translation ends up reading really weirdly.