Sekai Saikyou no Debuff Ukeoinin ~Nakama no Debuff wo Katagawarishiteitara, Itsu no Aida ni ka Muteki no Nikutai ga Kanseishite Imashita~ - Ch. 1
- Thread starter MangaDex
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This has some misplaced text and phrasing issues in the translation.
Like the hero girl's status was just a copy of the debuff MC and there are some awkward bits of phrasing where it seems like he's talking to himself or reading from his status.
Like the hero girl's status was just a copy of the debuff MC and there are some awkward bits of phrasing where it seems like he's talking to himself or reading from his status.
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Thanks for this new "Kicked out of the party" type of story.
The translation, though, is very choppy. Like in page 28, "Are you alive?" when MC is actually referring to himself. And many other spots. This looks more like a raw translation draft, if not MTLed with no proofreading.
The translation, though, is very choppy. Like in page 28, "Are you alive?" when MC is actually referring to himself. And many other spots. This looks more like a raw translation draft, if not MTLed with no proofreading.
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They're running out of "but it was the strongest" powers and now they need to make these contrived set ups that can exist only because authors go out of their way to make them work.
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I'll say this: at least he immediately explained how they would fall apart without him around instead of just sitting there like a shocked imbecile.
But yeah, this art isn't carrying such a mundane story setup.
"Debuff?"
"Inflicts burn damage on the user."
"That's where my unique skill comes in - I take on that burden. What?! [Debuff Contractor]?"
"アハハハ"
"Yeah that all sounds super natural, ship the translation."
"Should we maybe at least make sure the female character is referred to as 'her'?"
"Nah, we gotta get the ad revenue link out there asap. Go go go!"
"Inflicts burn damage on the user."
"That's where my unique skill comes in - I take on that burden. What?! [Debuff Contractor]?"
"アハハハ"
"Yeah that all sounds super natural, ship the translation."
"Should we maybe at least make sure the female character is referred to as 'her'?"
"Nah, we gotta get the ad revenue link out there asap. Go go go!"
This is just Point Gifter, with "XP" replaced with "debuffs".
And forget the bad translation, there seems to be missing pages,like when the FMC first showed up
And forget the bad translation, there seems to be missing pages,like when the FMC first showed up
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I will be sticking for a while, but I dont expect much
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I don't mind the premise, I'm into this kind of junk.
But this translation is just a gigantic mess.
But this translation is just a gigantic mess.
Okay, so I thought about it and you're like four days in and so maybe you're just not really aware of some of the problems being thrown up by your translation or the importance of doing PR passes. I'd rather assume people are doing things in good faith, y'know? So here's a full PR pass for you so that some of this stuff can be highlighted with examples in hopes that it provides some good feedback.
8.1 - 'Because we're an invincible, strongest duo' -> Right out the gate there's this really awkward piece of wording. Even if they're yelling this out of the blue for an establishing shot, you wouldn't say 'we're a strongest duo', you'd use 'we're the strongest duo', and you probably wouldn't use 'Because'. Given they just bopped a dragon you could go like 'You're facing the strongest duo!' or something like that.
10.2 - 'Yes, it's | goodbye between us today.' -> MTL marker no. 1. Awkward bubble splits like this are really common, where the MTL's literal translation cuts at the same position that Japanese would even if it makes reading it in English harder. It would flow much better to go 'Yes. | This is goodbye for the two of us.' - splitting the bubble at the natural pause.
10.3 - 'Since before...' -> 'Since when...". Literal translation that doesn't work in English.
11.3 - Bad bubble split. -> 'Be grateful I didn't abandon you earlier, | despite you only being good for menial tasks.'
12.3-13.2 - 'Debuff?' 'Inflicts burn damage on the user'. -> MTL marker no. 2. MTL is really bad at handling dialogue over page transitions, often breaking the context completely or mashing phrasing up. In addition, page 13's dialogue is very awkward just in general from an English reader's perspective. I think you would have licence here to essentially switch the panels around: 'Debuff?' 'Like I've explained before, the weapons and equipment everyone uses are powerful, but each has its own debuff effect. For example, Dain, the fire magic sword you're using inflicts burn damage on the user!" Instantly reads much better, and flows through into the second page where he's listing off the other heroes and their debuffs.
14.2/14.4 - Bad bubble splits.
15.1 - 'What?! [Debuff Contractor]?' -> Makes no sense in English. This is probably meant to be 'That skill! [Debuff Contractor]!' but you can just make it 'My unique skill!' since it's his establishing page and all.
15.2 - 'With me around, everyone else won't be able to fight as they normally do--' -> MTL marker no. 3 - things not making sense within the logic of the chapter because the MTL is translating them in situ or having trouble with japanese's lack of context. This 'with' should be 'without' because otherwise, yeah, sounds like they should fire the guy.
16.2 - 'M-- everyone?' -> Either pick 'M-- minna?' or 'E-- everyone?' but not both.
17.3 - 'Aaah, so painful' -> MTL marker no. 5, specifically image translation. It's a giant heads up when one thing in the middle of a drawn panel gets picked up by the reader and translated without translating other stuff around it, and it's just kind of left there with no explanation.
18.4 - 'Divine Protection / Debuff specialist' -> There's nothing wrong with this in and of itself, but stick a pin in it for later...
20.1 - 'Get lost now, or I'll burn you?' -> The question mark is kind of hilariously inappropriate for this panel as written. Either just use an exclamation mark or turn it into a proper threatening question: 'Get lost now. Or do you want to be burned?'
21.4 - See my comment on 17.3. The flipside of MTL marker no. 5 is that often text won't get picked up if it's too stylized. Despite being in a bubble, this is left untranslated, which makes it really stand out and break the flow of reading.
At this point your PR drops off noticably and there's way more mistakes with context and subjects. I'll go more rapid fire since we've covered the major points.
24.1 - 'Gathering jobs alone won't...' -> Won't what? Is there an implicit thing here you should add? This isn't necessarily a problem if he's being really cagey about his reasons for adventuring but there's been nothing to imply this so far.
26.3 - 'We need to run!' -> 'I need to run!'
27.3 - 'Dead' -> 'I'm dead.'
28.3/4 - 'Are you alive?' -> 'Am I alive?'
29.5-30.1 - 'C... This time I'm definitely dead!' -> See 16.2.
30.3 - '... not? Ow! Huh? I don't feel anything?' -> That 'Ow' is probably meant to be a noise of confusion 'Ah?' rather than pain, because he's just said he's not feeling any pain.
31.1 - 'Divine Protection' has become 'Divine Protection / Skills'. Given this is a status screen which is intended to be largely unchanging in format, you should probably align this and 18.4 so they use the same wording. Also, continue to bear this in mind...
32.1 - 'Your stamina has even reached...' -> 'My stamina has even reached...'
32.4 - 'The skill has boosted your stats' -> 'The skill has boosted my stats'
35.1 - 'A hero who can't even draw his holy sword' -> 'her'
35.1 cont. - 'You're the so-called 'Unyielding Hero' -> Sure, but why are they saying that? It's obvious that they're trying to use that as a reason to discredit her testimony. Something feels like it's been lost here, or maybe it'd just be better to use 'You're that so-called 'Unyielding Hero', aren't you?' or 'You're just a hero who can't even draw her holy sword!' - add some derision to it.
37.1 - 'You're okay?' -> 'Are you okay?'
38.1 - 'Divine Protection / Skills' has gone back to being 'Divine Protection'... but more than that, she has the same 'Debuff Protection' skill as he does. What a coincidence.
38.3 - 'Can I see?' -> 'Is it okay for me to see?'
38.4 - 'Okay' -> 'It's okay.'
39 - A mind-numbing page in general. Excessively wordy in a very awkward way, especially since they keep referring back to the debuff despite it already being the topic of conversation - Ariel doesn't need to go 'I couldn't draw it because of the debuff' every time it's mentioned. Wait, 不抜 doesn't mean 'protection'...
42.3 - 'It's out' -> 'It's here'
48.1 - So, yeah, listing her skill as 'Debuff Protection' is just a plain error. It's 'Unyielding Blessing'.
I kind of petered out at the end but hopefully some of this serves as useful feedback for the biggest concerns / markers to watch out for.
8.1 - 'Because we're an invincible, strongest duo' -> Right out the gate there's this really awkward piece of wording. Even if they're yelling this out of the blue for an establishing shot, you wouldn't say 'we're a strongest duo', you'd use 'we're the strongest duo', and you probably wouldn't use 'Because'. Given they just bopped a dragon you could go like 'You're facing the strongest duo!' or something like that.
10.2 - 'Yes, it's | goodbye between us today.' -> MTL marker no. 1. Awkward bubble splits like this are really common, where the MTL's literal translation cuts at the same position that Japanese would even if it makes reading it in English harder. It would flow much better to go 'Yes. | This is goodbye for the two of us.' - splitting the bubble at the natural pause.
10.3 - 'Since before...' -> 'Since when...". Literal translation that doesn't work in English.
11.3 - Bad bubble split. -> 'Be grateful I didn't abandon you earlier, | despite you only being good for menial tasks.'
12.3-13.2 - 'Debuff?' 'Inflicts burn damage on the user'. -> MTL marker no. 2. MTL is really bad at handling dialogue over page transitions, often breaking the context completely or mashing phrasing up. In addition, page 13's dialogue is very awkward just in general from an English reader's perspective. I think you would have licence here to essentially switch the panels around: 'Debuff?' 'Like I've explained before, the weapons and equipment everyone uses are powerful, but each has its own debuff effect. For example, Dain, the fire magic sword you're using inflicts burn damage on the user!" Instantly reads much better, and flows through into the second page where he's listing off the other heroes and their debuffs.
14.2/14.4 - Bad bubble splits.
15.1 - 'What?! [Debuff Contractor]?' -> Makes no sense in English. This is probably meant to be 'That skill! [Debuff Contractor]!' but you can just make it 'My unique skill!' since it's his establishing page and all.
15.2 - 'With me around, everyone else won't be able to fight as they normally do--' -> MTL marker no. 3 - things not making sense within the logic of the chapter because the MTL is translating them in situ or having trouble with japanese's lack of context. This 'with' should be 'without' because otherwise, yeah, sounds like they should fire the guy.
16.2 - 'M-- everyone?' -> Either pick 'M-- minna?' or 'E-- everyone?' but not both.
17.3 - 'Aaah, so painful' -> MTL marker no. 5, specifically image translation. It's a giant heads up when one thing in the middle of a drawn panel gets picked up by the reader and translated without translating other stuff around it, and it's just kind of left there with no explanation.
18.4 - 'Divine Protection / Debuff specialist' -> There's nothing wrong with this in and of itself, but stick a pin in it for later...
20.1 - 'Get lost now, or I'll burn you?' -> The question mark is kind of hilariously inappropriate for this panel as written. Either just use an exclamation mark or turn it into a proper threatening question: 'Get lost now. Or do you want to be burned?'
21.4 - See my comment on 17.3. The flipside of MTL marker no. 5 is that often text won't get picked up if it's too stylized. Despite being in a bubble, this is left untranslated, which makes it really stand out and break the flow of reading.
At this point your PR drops off noticably and there's way more mistakes with context and subjects. I'll go more rapid fire since we've covered the major points.
24.1 - 'Gathering jobs alone won't...' -> Won't what? Is there an implicit thing here you should add? This isn't necessarily a problem if he's being really cagey about his reasons for adventuring but there's been nothing to imply this so far.
26.3 - 'We need to run!' -> 'I need to run!'
27.3 - 'Dead' -> 'I'm dead.'
28.3/4 - 'Are you alive?' -> 'Am I alive?'
29.5-30.1 - 'C... This time I'm definitely dead!' -> See 16.2.
30.3 - '... not? Ow! Huh? I don't feel anything?' -> That 'Ow' is probably meant to be a noise of confusion 'Ah?' rather than pain, because he's just said he's not feeling any pain.
31.1 - 'Divine Protection' has become 'Divine Protection / Skills'. Given this is a status screen which is intended to be largely unchanging in format, you should probably align this and 18.4 so they use the same wording. Also, continue to bear this in mind...
32.1 - 'Your stamina has even reached...' -> 'My stamina has even reached...'
32.4 - 'The skill has boosted your stats' -> 'The skill has boosted my stats'
35.1 - 'A hero who can't even draw his holy sword' -> 'her'
35.1 cont. - 'You're the so-called 'Unyielding Hero' -> Sure, but why are they saying that? It's obvious that they're trying to use that as a reason to discredit her testimony. Something feels like it's been lost here, or maybe it'd just be better to use 'You're that so-called 'Unyielding Hero', aren't you?' or 'You're just a hero who can't even draw her holy sword!' - add some derision to it.
37.1 - 'You're okay?' -> 'Are you okay?'
38.1 - 'Divine Protection / Skills' has gone back to being 'Divine Protection'... but more than that, she has the same 'Debuff Protection' skill as he does. What a coincidence.
38.3 - 'Can I see?' -> 'Is it okay for me to see?'
38.4 - 'Okay' -> 'It's okay.'
39 - A mind-numbing page in general. Excessively wordy in a very awkward way, especially since they keep referring back to the debuff despite it already being the topic of conversation - Ariel doesn't need to go 'I couldn't draw it because of the debuff' every time it's mentioned. Wait, 不抜 doesn't mean 'protection'...
42.3 - 'It's out' -> 'It's here'
48.1 - So, yeah, listing her skill as 'Debuff Protection' is just a plain error. It's 'Unyielding Blessing'.
I kind of petered out at the end but hopefully some of this serves as useful feedback for the biggest concerns / markers to watch out for.
Not just that, skill lender or several titles (some axed) are using same recipe but different label.
This type of slop main point is to see the downfall of the arrogant party, milk it well and it can rise up like a certain slop with shield.
That aside, thank you for the translation, despite still need polishing but its good enough.
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It's been a while since I've read a "Kicked from the party" sloppa.
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Messy translation is messy, but story-wise, I'd like to see where this is going, though it's kinda obvious with that former party.
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I liked the backpack one, before it got axed.
No one cares
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"Not until we're closer" lmao
Can't wait for next chapter, where we'll presumably see the generic cliche that they decide he clearly cursed them, rather than him telling them the truth, and try to murder him as a means of clearing the curse publicly, where he'll humiliate them openly. Wonder what unique minor changes they'll add to make not perfectly identical to every other story?
