5 years ago, I wanted to k*ll myself. I tried 4 times, but I couldn't go through with it. I never even got close to going through with it. And then in a single hour, all the reasons I wanted to die melted away. Like it never even happened. But that fear and anxiety never actually left. I was not the same and I could not get rid of the pit in my stomach.
The one thing I learned from that is that there is ALWAYS a way out. It is NEVER as bad as it looks. It took 1 hour to get rid of 3 months of stress, and even though that terror still haunts me 5 years later, I am alive and have a chance at a great life. I wish I knew then that my life did not end by my worst actions, so I could stop that pit from forming. Instead I carry this weight with me as it slowly gets lighter month by month.
Just tell someone. Anyone. Online or in-Person. Just force one word out. And let the rest escape.
They might get angry. They might treat you like you'll shatter. Or they might just ignore you.
But you WILL feel better. You will not be alone. You will matter. And you deserve that. Everyone deserves that.