Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise? I thought not. It's not a story the Jedi would tell you. It's a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life... He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying. The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful... the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. It's ironic he could save others from death, but not himself.
Did you ever hear the Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Lit? It’s a Stoner legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Stoners, so high and so lit, he could use the Force to influence the marijuana to create…blunts. He had such a knowledge of the Lit Side, he could even keep the ones he cared about…from being caught by the police. He became so high, the only thing he was afraid of was losing his blunt…which, eventually of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his friend everything he knew. Then his friend called the police while he was sleeping. Ironic. He could save others from the police…but not himself.
Did you ever hear the Tragedy of Darth Jar Jar the Clumsy? It’s a Sith Legend. Darth Jar Jar was a Dark Lord of the Sith so clumsy and so stupid, he could use the force to influence the midichlorians to create… Poodoo. He had such a lack of knowledge of the Dark side, he could even keep the ones he cared about… From stepping in icky icky goo. He became so powerful, the only thing he was afraid of was the bigger gooberfish… Which of course he swam away from. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice absolutely nothing, and his apprentice appointed him a senator of Naboo. Ironic. He could save others from poodoo… But not himself.
Did you ever hear the Tragedy of TR-8R the Loyal? It’s a Storm Trooper legend. TR-8R was a Loyal Stormtrooper of the First Order, so powerful and so loyal, he could use the Z-9 Stun Baton to influence other Stormtroopers to stay… loyal. He had such a knowledge of the First Orders regulations, he could even keep the loyal Stormtroopers that he was squad-mates with…from dying. He became so powerful, the only thing he was afraid of was losing his loyalty…which, eventually of course, he didn’t. Unfortunately, he taught his squad-mate FN-2187 everything he knew. Then FN-2187 became a traitor, and got Han Solo to murder him while he was fighting traitors. Ironic. He could save others from treachery…but not himself.
Did you ever hear the Tragedy of Dat Boi the Wise? It’s a Memer legend. Dat Boi was a Dark Frog of the Reddit, so powerful and so wise, he could use the Force to influence the reddit posters to create…memes. He had such a knowledge of the Meme Side, he could even keep the memes he cared about…from dying. He became so powerful, the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power…which, eventually of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice, everything he knew. Then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. Ironic. He could save other memes from death…but not himself.