You have to accept that you don't knowIn my head canon, the wife both recognized both the unrequited love and the suffering the young woman had been through, and took it up as a personal healing mission. I don't know if the author intended us to guess that, but it makes her quite a saintly woman.
It's quite rare for a story to mention that wars aren't caused by a single thing, but many interconnected parts.
Even rarer in reality.