I mean it is not a normal way to think about your son. Wishing he was safe, but also despising him at the same time.
Like the longer she is with him, the more she starts to have trouble seeing what is "right" and what her husband wants.
Heck,maybe she sees Damian as cause of all the trouble with her husband,that he started to change right when Damian was born?
Who defines what is normal, there are many mothers who dont even care about their children at all. She cares about him, but she is a person who bases their life on rational. So the moment her husband was mentioned she came back to her rational thought. Her husband being a rationalist might be part of it, but it can simply be her environment or how she is normally.
Many years ago, I had a pet fish, and at one point due to I think my mistake the fish got injured and was dying. Unfortunately I was one of the more sensative people and because of it I couldnt sleep well, eat well and constant stress as the fish was dying. And being a rational person myself, a part of my mind felt hopeful that the fish would die so that the pain would stop. Aka, my emotions wanted the fish to live, my rational said the fish is better off dead as self preservation instict. When the fish died, I felt even worse for the entire month after and I still kind of feel bad thinking about it decades later.
While a child isnt a fish, I believe she is experiencing similar thing where she has been a rational person all her life, and her emotion is very strong. So while her brain is thinking logically what is best for her, her heart says otherwise
If you want an example which most people can probably emphasize on a simpler level, its like when you want to eat or do sonething, but your brain says you cant because it is bad for you