Dex-chan lover
- Joined
- Feb 16, 2023
- Messages
- 464
Hello again, I am alive. Actually quite embarrassed after having a panic attack and thinking it was the end of the world now. It's been a good week, and I finished up writing more in a story, which may not get anywhere, but is still fun to write. That's what vacations are about anyways, letting loose, having fun. I guess my mind panicked thinking about the future or something. I used to have a lot more panic attacks when I was younger, this one just scared me to death.
At the moment, I'm trying to write a new story, well more so get a story I've been trying to get moving off the ground. I like it, another fantasy, coming off of working on a Dystopian, Hero, Mystery Story, but my issue is pushing forward.
I have my fantasy story, the one I'm somewhat proud of, and that took YEARS to set up. This one has some good supporting ideas from projects which were left archived or simply didn't make it past the spitballing phase. The issue there though is the struggle to find a coherent map, and knowing to make it would take time.
Then of course, there's my main project which is on the back burner, I'm forcing myself to stop. I spent all 2024 completing it's first third. I wanted to push into it's newest "Block" of writing, but realized this Block is the equivalent of the first third in size. No matter how I section it off, it'll take a decent year to finish. I want to keep working, but I know I'm pushing myself too hard.
There's this one video on youtube, i forgot the guy, but he makes these last day meal videos with celebrities and he had Gordon Ramsey on there who told the host that the host wasted too much time thinking about death. I guess that sort of sums up in a confusing way my mindset.
I'm like a shark, I keep chasing my goals, but while that's good, I'm not rich. The highest class meal I've even was at Red Lobster! I'm not a shark though, But every time I slow down, I'm like "STOP WASTING TIME".
Time is always an issue nowadays, even though I've proved to myself I can make the time for what I love, I still fear losing it. But, this Vacation week has been fun. Spent a lot of time with family, watching movies, gaming. And a new Morrowind Mod released which I'm enjoying, and the project I just finished up too; it's a bit of a darker project of mine, but it's quite interesting as it's a switch of perspective of another portion of the story, but it's happening at the same time. My plan is to get one more perspective chunk finished and then combine the chapters, figure out what works, and what doesn't. It's my most complex narrative yet, and is excellent practice for the future. But, moreover, the characters are familiar favorites of mine. There's this one who, even after 3 years of not writing her just takes off when she's introduced, i love that, though know it'll need some cuts here and there. And I'm always incredibly vulgar with my writing in the first passes.
Anyways, I just need to calm. The vacation is almost over, just the Harry Potter and John Wick Movie's left. Actually, starving myself out from writing is a good thing. I was doing nothing until this week started and I started and finished a chunk of writing already!
But, a New Year is approaching. Kind of scary. I'll be 22, with an Associates, and pursuing my Bachelors. I always told myself by 25 if I didn't have a story out there, or one that was successful I'd give up, so there's a lot riding on the next three years.
But, even with that thought, I look back a this year. It was a difficult one, had many lows, it's got to be one of my most hectic years. Going through tons of stress, drama, having to remain stone-faced around yapping lowlifes who jabbed at my family and me as well. But, beyond all that, I managed to do some of my best writing. And not in just one project too. I aced a Creative Writing Class right at the end of my Associates Journey, and I had to write freaking Poetry, I hate poetry!
It's scary sure, but I have reasons to be proud. I should not be so insecure about my writing, about what I do. Even the Professor told the class that writing can be pretty lonely, don't lose yourself in yourself. Which is a hard thing to do when you're raised to be a masculine creature and have oddly morphed into an outwardly "stoic" (not my words) creature, while inwards I'm soft as puddy.
I don't have to be strong all the time, no one can be.
At the moment, I'm trying to write a new story, well more so get a story I've been trying to get moving off the ground. I like it, another fantasy, coming off of working on a Dystopian, Hero, Mystery Story, but my issue is pushing forward.
I have my fantasy story, the one I'm somewhat proud of, and that took YEARS to set up. This one has some good supporting ideas from projects which were left archived or simply didn't make it past the spitballing phase. The issue there though is the struggle to find a coherent map, and knowing to make it would take time.
Then of course, there's my main project which is on the back burner, I'm forcing myself to stop. I spent all 2024 completing it's first third. I wanted to push into it's newest "Block" of writing, but realized this Block is the equivalent of the first third in size. No matter how I section it off, it'll take a decent year to finish. I want to keep working, but I know I'm pushing myself too hard.
There's this one video on youtube, i forgot the guy, but he makes these last day meal videos with celebrities and he had Gordon Ramsey on there who told the host that the host wasted too much time thinking about death. I guess that sort of sums up in a confusing way my mindset.
I'm like a shark, I keep chasing my goals, but while that's good, I'm not rich. The highest class meal I've even was at Red Lobster! I'm not a shark though, But every time I slow down, I'm like "STOP WASTING TIME".
Time is always an issue nowadays, even though I've proved to myself I can make the time for what I love, I still fear losing it. But, this Vacation week has been fun. Spent a lot of time with family, watching movies, gaming. And a new Morrowind Mod released which I'm enjoying, and the project I just finished up too; it's a bit of a darker project of mine, but it's quite interesting as it's a switch of perspective of another portion of the story, but it's happening at the same time. My plan is to get one more perspective chunk finished and then combine the chapters, figure out what works, and what doesn't. It's my most complex narrative yet, and is excellent practice for the future. But, moreover, the characters are familiar favorites of mine. There's this one who, even after 3 years of not writing her just takes off when she's introduced, i love that, though know it'll need some cuts here and there. And I'm always incredibly vulgar with my writing in the first passes.
Anyways, I just need to calm. The vacation is almost over, just the Harry Potter and John Wick Movie's left. Actually, starving myself out from writing is a good thing. I was doing nothing until this week started and I started and finished a chunk of writing already!
But, a New Year is approaching. Kind of scary. I'll be 22, with an Associates, and pursuing my Bachelors. I always told myself by 25 if I didn't have a story out there, or one that was successful I'd give up, so there's a lot riding on the next three years.
But, even with that thought, I look back a this year. It was a difficult one, had many lows, it's got to be one of my most hectic years. Going through tons of stress, drama, having to remain stone-faced around yapping lowlifes who jabbed at my family and me as well. But, beyond all that, I managed to do some of my best writing. And not in just one project too. I aced a Creative Writing Class right at the end of my Associates Journey, and I had to write freaking Poetry, I hate poetry!
It's scary sure, but I have reasons to be proud. I should not be so insecure about my writing, about what I do. Even the Professor told the class that writing can be pretty lonely, don't lose yourself in yourself. Which is a hard thing to do when you're raised to be a masculine creature and have oddly morphed into an outwardly "stoic" (not my words) creature, while inwards I'm soft as puddy.
I don't have to be strong all the time, no one can be.
