page 11: "any" can't be said about an "ounce", the ending of the sentence should rather be "and doesn't have even an ounce of common sense." Alternatively: "and doesn't even have any common sense." However, "common sense" doesn't feel like it fits the best in context, I would have gone with "common courtesy", since this is specifically about manners.
page 13: "Why the hell does this girl speak with a condescending tone" as "does" demands that form. Also "every time" is more for when you want to list the times, as in "every time we meet". In this case, "Why the hell does this girl always speak with a condescending tone..." would fit the best.
page 21: "then I'll ask somebody else". Also I think "idea" or "plan" would fit better than "thinking" in that context.
page 27: should be just "got the rabbit used to her." There's no need for the "to get" there.
page 30: "I though I knew this" doesn't really fit in context, something like "I though I knew better" or " I thought I knew best" is probably closer to her meaning.
Page 31: "until it closes down"
page 32: "the ones who helped"
page 48: "treat guests that were referred by me kindly"
page 49: "No matter what kind of customers that stays here" just sounds incorrect, I think it should have been "Regardless of who our customers are."
page 50: "demons clientele" is incorrect, should be either just "demons" or "demon clientele". Possibly "demonic clientele" is the most grammatically correct, but that might cause a misunderstanding by implying the clients are evil or behaving horribly.
page 52: "descendants still lives" is incorrect, should be either "descendant still lives" if one, or "descendants still live" if many.
I think these are all of them. However, I'm not a native English speaker either, so I might have missed something. But don't be discouraged by the amount, for the most part the errors were small and did not detract from the reading experience nor confuse the reader. And overall the translation was smooth and pleasant to read.
