Harsen...like...I understand you, but also not?
Like...ok...let us assume you weren't quite sure how to deal with your depressed wife (understandable, anyone who says they know how to deal with depressed people, and aren't a qualified therapist, are probably full of shit), so you tried real hard to keep her out of dealing with crap, in order to not burden her and keep her stress at a minimum.
Since you're so smart and strategic, didn't you foresee how your people would interpret it as you keeping her in the dark and not trusting her ergo not wanting her involved ergo not considering her as important ?
And since you spent so many years undermining her position, how could you be surprised at people neglecting her?
Like, she was acting ridiculously spoiled, is still acting so.
I know it's not easy, but for the love of God, you should've known how to deal with the people around you and her at least, if you don't know how to deal with her 🙄