Though I May Be a Villainess, I'll Show You I Can Obtain Happiness! - Vol. 8 Ch. 1 - The Villainess Is Content With Her Beastman Servant
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NO WAY! SOMEONE FINALLY PICK THIS UP!
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New Chapters at last!
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King: My poor son. I hope he is well.
Son: Hey dad, I’m back
King: Who are you?! Wait is that you son?!?!
Son: Eeyup, and I brought my wife with me too.
King: Ah, it’s so good to see-DID YOU JUST SAY WIFE?!?!
Son: Hey dad, I’m back
King: Who are you?! Wait is that you son?!?!
Son: Eeyup, and I brought my wife with me too.
King: Ah, it’s so good to see-DID YOU JUST SAY WIFE?!?!
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Thank you for continuing this series!
First off, general problems: the accents in "fiancé(e) are not optional. (And the second "e" is is for the feminine and feminine only — and mandatory to that end, 'cause calling a woman a man or vice versa is after all a definite insult, regardless of how sex/gender is determined. The ending and proverbial "man" doesn't count, by the way, since it means "person/human" not "male," that'd be "groom" — SJW types and female chauvinists love to misconstrue and mangle language like that and label any dissenters sexists. Don't fall into that trap.)
Also watch your agreement! Try reading you work aloud: it'll definitely help.
Finally, it ought to be "consort" not "queen" — both her ex and her servant are princes, not kings. And post-Ancient Western settings don't natively have concubinage (polygamy in the Islamic world, but that's it), so unless the term used or setting specifies otherwise, the word translated as "concubine" should be translated as "mistress."
Page 3: Down with Start Case! Learn English Title Case!
The basics are easy: capitalize the first word of sentences, titles, and subtitles. Capitalize the rest of titles and subtitles other than short (3-4 or fewer lettered) conjunctions, prepositions, and articles. Done!
Page 5: "who enslaves beastman" ought to be "who enslaves beastmen"
"The Prince broke off their engagement to her" ought to be "The Prince broke off their engagement" or "The Prince broke off his engagement with her"
Page 7 panel 1: "The Prince breaks off the engagement?!" ought to be "The Prince is breaking off the engagement?!"
Page 7 panel 5: "What did you just said?!" ought to be "What did you just say?!"
"If that was the case…" should probably be "If that is the case…" (because An is talking about the present).
Page 9 panel 2: If you're talking about more than one beastman (as here) it needs to be in the plural, so "beastmen." Problem repeats on page 14 panel 4.
Page 11: Pick one pronoun to use for An at a time, both father and daughter refer to An with multiple pronouns. The following page, the father also uses "it" — pick one! One for the father, one for Victoria when she thinks An is female, one for Victoria once she knows An is male. (Also, even when being used for the singular, they/them always takes the plural.)
Additionally, don't forget articles; it should be "Just because they're a beastman?!"
Page 20. Panel 1: "the royal family is still kept quiet" ought to be "the royal family still keeps quiet" Panel 5: "It's been quite some time since we meet…" ought to be "It's been quite some time since we met…"
Page 23 panel 3: "In the end, me and An is just your tool…" It ought to be "In the end, An and I are just your tools…"
Page 26 panel 3: repeat of page 7 panel 5.
Page 27 panel 4: "I am the prince of Lesqvist" ought to be "I am a prince of Lesqvist" (page 28 mentions that he has brothers/siblings, so he's not the only one).
Page 28. Panel 4: "mannerism" ought to be "mannerisms" (the singular refers to style in the Arts). Panel 5: "carries a beastmen blood" ought to be "carries beastman blood."
Page 29: "reaping the benefit" ought to be "reaping the benefits"
Page 30. Common translation mistake of ignorance: "annulling" engagements. Engagements are promises/agreements, marriages are contracts; you break [off] or dissolve engagements, you either annul (render void) a marriage or divorce (break the contract).
Page 31 panel 5: "I would freed" ought to be "You would free"
"I was reckless" ought to be "You were reckless" (An is talking about Victoria in the first two bubbles)
Page 33 panel 3: "and never come home" ought to be "and never came home"
Since you asked.
First off, general problems: the accents in "fiancé(e) are not optional. (And the second "e" is is for the feminine and feminine only — and mandatory to that end, 'cause calling a woman a man or vice versa is after all a definite insult, regardless of how sex/gender is determined. The ending and proverbial "man" doesn't count, by the way, since it means "person/human" not "male," that'd be "groom" — SJW types and female chauvinists love to misconstrue and mangle language like that and label any dissenters sexists. Don't fall into that trap.)
Also watch your agreement! Try reading you work aloud: it'll definitely help.
Finally, it ought to be "consort" not "queen" — both her ex and her servant are princes, not kings. And post-Ancient Western settings don't natively have concubinage (polygamy in the Islamic world, but that's it), so unless the term used or setting specifies otherwise, the word translated as "concubine" should be translated as "mistress."
Page 3: Down with Start Case! Learn English Title Case!
The basics are easy: capitalize the first word of sentences, titles, and subtitles. Capitalize the rest of titles and subtitles other than short (3-4 or fewer lettered) conjunctions, prepositions, and articles. Done!
Page 5: "who enslaves beastman" ought to be "who enslaves beastmen"
"The Prince broke off their engagement to her" ought to be "The Prince broke off their engagement" or "The Prince broke off his engagement with her"
Page 7 panel 1: "The Prince breaks off the engagement?!" ought to be "The Prince is breaking off the engagement?!"
Page 7 panel 5: "What did you just said?!" ought to be "What did you just say?!"
"If that was the case…" should probably be "If that is the case…" (because An is talking about the present).
Page 9 panel 2: If you're talking about more than one beastman (as here) it needs to be in the plural, so "beastmen." Problem repeats on page 14 panel 4.
Page 11: Pick one pronoun to use for An at a time, both father and daughter refer to An with multiple pronouns. The following page, the father also uses "it" — pick one! One for the father, one for Victoria when she thinks An is female, one for Victoria once she knows An is male. (Also, even when being used for the singular, they/them always takes the plural.)
Additionally, don't forget articles; it should be "Just because they're a beastman?!"
Page 20. Panel 1: "the royal family is still kept quiet" ought to be "the royal family still keeps quiet" Panel 5: "It's been quite some time since we meet…" ought to be "It's been quite some time since we met…"
Page 23 panel 3: "In the end, me and An is just your tool…" It ought to be "In the end, An and I are just your tools…"
Page 26 panel 3: repeat of page 7 panel 5.
Page 27 panel 4: "I am the prince of Lesqvist" ought to be "I am a prince of Lesqvist" (page 28 mentions that he has brothers/siblings, so he's not the only one).
Page 28. Panel 4: "mannerism" ought to be "mannerisms" (the singular refers to style in the Arts). Panel 5: "carries a beastmen blood" ought to be "carries beastman blood."
Page 29: "reaping the benefit" ought to be "reaping the benefits"
Page 30. Common translation mistake of ignorance: "annulling" engagements. Engagements are promises/agreements, marriages are contracts; you break [off] or dissolve engagements, you either annul (render void) a marriage or divorce (break the contract).
Page 31 panel 5: "I would freed" ought to be "You would free"
"I was reckless" ought to be "You were reckless" (An is talking about Victoria in the first two bubbles)
Page 33 panel 3: "and never come home" ought to be "and never came home"
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the "human kingdom permitting racism against beastmen despite the beastman kingdom easily being capable of bringing them to ruin" plot is rather silly, but at least the dynamic between the ML and FL is pretty good and ML doesn't fit a dog personality stereotype which so many ML's follow. So a pretty good chapter
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I get it. However, it isn't a beastman kingdom — An has beastman traits atavistically; his parents are human. The empire An's from is probably multi-ethnic/racial. The stupidity is there, yes, but downplayed to a semi-believable level. That said, the whole "humans=always evil" is even more annoying than "other race=always evil" since it makes the same generalizations but with a race we obviously have so much more contact with; it also has a mother-load of unfortunate implications, especially when the races presented are fantasy counterparts of actual cultures and groups on Earth. Determinism is one Hell of a bad thing.
Plus, An seems to be a felid-type (although he thankfully doesn't really follow the tropes there either).
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