Ushimitsu Gao - Vol. 1 Ch. 9

[dogmeister238]

What? I'm not talking about Megumi. I'm talking about Megumi's friend, who looked at the husband with disgust. We all know Megumi did this to herself, it's not about that. It's also not about the friend cheating, which is what people are getting hung up on. The reason she looks at him with that "what the fuck are you doing" expression is because of what she saw, and getting hung up on the friend having an affair is missing the point.



Yes. He shouldn't just leave food outside her door and let her stay in her room for days. Lemmie tell you a story.

See, a while back, I was living alone. And having a bad time. One day, I just stopped bothering talking to people. I didn't sign on to Steam, didn't bother to answer the phone, locked the front door, and lost the will to do much of anything.

My brother and mom got worried, drove an hour and a half to the place I lived, got the spare key, and came in and found me. Because they were worried about me.
I know you've seen this play out in another story, cause I know you're also reading 13-sai no actress. When someone cuts themself off suddenly, the thing to do isn't to just let it happen. You step in, you intervene, you try hard to help, because you care about them. Megumi's friend is right. He's acting lame as hell here. Cause of course he is, that he's lame as hell is the whole point. None of this would've happened if he wasn't lame as hell.



Again, you wiff. The story of a lonely, unappreciated woman in a relationship being whisked away by an exciting and possibly dangerous man is literally one of the most core romance book plots, yeah. You're not missing that. You're not missing the hook or the setup.

What you're missing is that what makes the husband a problem isn't his lack of masculine frame or character or even his confidence. This story could easily play out the same, and even make him a less appealing character, if he had a strong personality and confidence.
The problem is that he isn't attentive. He doesn't take the time to understand her. He ignores what she wants, doesn't really care about any complaint she has and largely dismisses them, and even just pushes aside the biggest part of her character, that the lady can see and talk to ghosts.
That his flaw is that he's just kind of a fragile and insecure dude is what gives the story nuance. He's not a bad guy. He's not abusive nor even really means to be as dismissive as he comes off as. If he was stronger, was more assertive and confident, was more proactive and deliberate in his inattentiveness and dismissiveness, he'd be a harder character to feel bad for.

Is that part of the NTR storylines sometimes too? Sure. But usually that's when they're dude focused, so you can revel in the conflict he has between his despair and his arousal. The romance book setup usually has the husband deliberately and obviously cold and indifferent, seeing his wife as an object of convenience or a possession rather than a person. That, again, has nothing to do with confidence or power, but rather attention and care.
Because at the heart of the lonely housewife's heart being stolen by a devilish rake isn't that her husband isn't strong or masculine enough for her. It's that she doesn't feel loved. Is the devilish rake charming, handsome, and even a bit dangerous? Yeah, of course. That's the excitement, the over the top element that makes it a thrilling tale of forbidden romance instead of just someone having an affair. But the heart, the desire, is that the devilish rake actually loves her when her husband doesn't.
What's astounding to me is that you very clearly have read these stories and somehow missed what's being expressed. I don't know how you've managed to do this.

its misogyny. probably all that alpha grindset influencer culture. also some sort of weird cynical "trauma" from being a "nice guy".

at the core, these people are implicitly trying to argue that it's because he's an introvert and therefore it's the wife's fault for not making an effort (even when ironically she is). and maybe it is her fault (ima guy, i cant exactly speak on women all that much). here's the thing though; there's nothing fundamentally wrong about the husband's introverted personality.

it's the fact that he refuses to connect with her and communicate with her. he clearly doesn't like her or trust her. a relationship is mutual, and he's not reciprocating. the wife would've been better off with an autistic husband who has difficulty verbalizing his feelings because at the very least, that husband is putting in an effort and communicating something. i say this as an introvert; the right person will meet you at where you are, but that can only happen if you actually care and put yourself out there for them.

 

[Speederzdk]

to add on to your statistics, men are apparently more likely to leave women with terminal illnesses than women are to leave men with terminal illnesses.

This is true, but it’s not like only men do things like that. Women are much more likely to leave during financial struggles than men for example.

 

[dogmeister238]

This is true, but it’s not like only men do things like that. Women are much more likely to leave during financial struggles than men for example.

my main point with that original statistic is not to argue gender superiority, but to push back against the belief that gender roles are inherent to gender and push back against the idea that men are somehow victims to this "inherent gender belief". OP (hippo-whatever) argued that women are just using emotional and moral guilt to trick their spouses or something, while being quick to betray.

i argued that this is not inherent nature (and not true). instead, it is a reflection of a dysfunctional relationship stemming from toxic patriarchal gender roles. there is no "men are inherently victims" or "women are inherently disloyal"; men are more likely to leave women with terminal illnesses disproves that. however, i am not arguing that the vice versa is true either; im arguing a more nuanced point that these interactions are not reflections of inherent traits, but of breaking points from unreasonable societal norms.

my statistic is not meant to convince OP that actually "all men are trash", but that their own thinking only stems from their narrow, cherrypicked view. It’s just a counterexample.

fyi your statistic supports my point, too. in the studies with that statistic, women leaving men during financial struggle occurs mainly in traditional relationships, where the men is the breadwinner and the woman takes on "emotional responsibilities". when the man isn't making enough, and they refuse to share their struggle and vulnerabilities with their spouse, then, naturally, the relationship ends.

ofc, there are also relationships where women uphold the gender roles by breaking up even after the man becomes vulnerable with the woman. at this point in the story, there's no indication of that; most of the readers trying to argue that are just imposing their own personal experiences. the actual story has demonstrated no attempt from the husband to be emotionally vulnerable or willing to share more responsibilities. if he does that and she dismisses it, then yeah, it's her fault.