Tell us, what's bothering you ?

[sterven]

i miss the days when changing your pfp wasnt such a fucking hassle

 

[sterven]

forgot what i came here to do in the first place anyways idk why but everytime i see the art style of SL in new series i fucking cringe and don't read them even though i like the style but it reminds me so much of SL

 

[kohelemon]

Ahhhhh, and here we are again. Life has been life as usual. The past week or two have been nice, still. All the family together for a change, and I finished a BIG chunk of writing. I passed my first two bachelor courses with As and am returning to a project I've missed for quite some time.
Now the bothersome bits:
1. The Big Chunk of writing I finished revealed to me flaws in the entire narrative. this Specific project is one I've tried to get down for a decade now, so the Idea of a rewrite after all the fun I've had is saddening. Nevertheless, the same thing happened with my current largest project. The problem isn't the whole beast it's the missing concepts, the unexpanded ideas. The Main Story is good, the characters and their arcs need adjusting. Yet despite the rationale, it still hurts to have written nearly 250 pages in such a short time, even considering sending them to others for review to now begin the process of rewriting them. It's a rather brutal blow since this story is so dear to me.
2. Just the usual fear I find with others' expectations and my own. Is it odd to enjoy solitude yet wish for more? Something I came across recently in Black Myth Wukong has had me doing big thinks as of late: "Seek the Ease, but crave the Renown. They Yearn for Freedom, yet aspire to Buddhahood. Yet, Nobody can, and Nobody should." It's an interesting thought which has begun to grind down my dreamy expectations which is scary. My dreams are my drive, I've always known the road to them will be painful, uncomfortable, yet I didn't expect it to be so lonely. I am a strange creature, craving a group but being unsociable, finding comfort when alone yet still being lonely; being content with my life, yet still wishing for more. I perplex myself.
3. Lastly and tiny of them both is one of the two courses I have, which requires videos. A speech class. In order to pursue Professional Writing, I was made to pursue a BA in COMMUNICATION! A hermit's nightmare, I tell you.

Yet despite these issues, my University Journey has proven enlightening. The Path is not entirely clear, but there is a path. I have always feared change, I cling to even the tiniest shred of nostalgia, hoarding every memory (in my mind), and I fear to lose them. But, this is nonsensical. What I love to do will never leave me, but what I've truly begun to wonder is the biggest bother of all. It's... a difficult thing to describe and regards my writing and my time in writing. I enjoy the journey, all the ups and downs, I enjoy the process. But, that is writing. What I love is those stories I hold dear. Sadly, I've been reading and watching more and more things, seeing as well all the writers and directors fumble careers with passion projects which appeal only to them.
That leads to the question though that can't be so easily answered by one who can't simply sell a ranch to cover costs: "Who are these stories meant for?"
I love them, yet want the world to love them and fear the world will not. They are what i believe to be the best I can deliver. Which is why there's this tremendous fear in when one is complete, if it will indeed be received by anyone. I've had tiny, unrelated failings. Little passions I poured my heart and soul into which never amounted to anything. Things I've actually seen out there. The resilience to come back from failure I hear is a rare thing, but this is also not simply the worry of rejection, but the worry of invisibility.
I think I think too much. I've been getting more sleep than I ever have had, yet I always feel tired. I'm just not ever happy, despite all the things to be happy about. I wonder why I was cursed with this over-thinking mind, this harsh self-criticism which never relaxes. Some days I wish I could simply sleep and sleep and sleep.
I don't think this will ever go away, and honestly wonder sometimes why I think it's worth writing about anyway. There's always been this certain something in the way, and the answer is right there, and it's something I have to find, but for some reason I either don't want to find it or something.
But, here I go babbling nonsense again. The Positives should be all that matter! A Defined Road to Work on, on many fronts, Success in University, Success for Family, A New Kitten in the Family, things to look forward to. My trouble is funny: it's uncertainty, I am not certain about anything that is to come, not at all. That's terrifying, and amazing all at once.
Will those doors open? Will they not? Can I simply live in the moment? Should I agonize more?
I'll never know, at least not yet, and that's hard to come to terms with because, I may be content with myself, but I'm not really, and for those I love I wish to be more. There's only one thing I'm good at though, yet in order to do it there's just so much barring me from it.
One step at a time.
Makes me wonder what heaven will be sometimes. Not that I want to die, but, I can't imagine a day in recent years where I haven't felt pressured, tired, inept, and stupid all at once.
Something tells me I should stop divulging stuff in forums. Stupid brain acting on it's own again. My life is just fine, brain should shut up.

 

[Greenfrost]

Ahhh I think it's because I no longer feel safe to sleep around her because I don't trust her enough anymore to show my insecurities or true thoughts rather than good boyfriend personas. I think when I've wanted to show more of what I actually think; I've had to apologise for it and she isn't as discerning or empathetic as she thinks it is, so it's been really easy just for me to drop the topics and give up or just be low mood but still have her blissfully unaware which makes me sad that she isn't someone that I feel I could trust.

I prefer dogs for companionship. You never know what someone else is thinking, and that make me uncomfortable. I always know where my dog's mind is though. Food and play.

 

[Teddy]

@Angry_Panda
@Painasbread
@Greenfrost

Thanks yall~

 

[sterven]

were the supporters names always blue or were they purple? this is driving me crazy

 

[Angry_Panda]

were the supporters names always blue or were they purple? this is driving me crazy

...yes. It's a pretty blueish purple - like blueberry purple. (I don't think it's changed recently, if that's what's troubling you.)

 

[OldVice]

The weather here is fucking with me again. I'm going from wearing jeans, a sweater and a jacket in the morning then changing into shorts and a tank top by the afternoon.

 

[sterven]

The weather here is fucking with me again. I'm going from wearing jeans, a sweater and a jacket in the morning then changing into shorts and a tank top by the afternoon.

Sounds a lot like Texan weather to me my condolences

 

[pandascepter]

...yes. It's a pretty blueish purple - like blueberry purple. (I don't think it's changed recently, if that's what's troubling you.)

its red

 

[OldVice]

Sounds a lot like Texan weather to me my condolences

I'm in the land of polar bears and igloos, where the weather and temperature can be as predictable as a rabid Raccoon on meth and the heat is humid and disgusting.

 

[Angry_Panda]

I'm in the land of polar bears and igloos, where the weather and temperature can be as predictable as a rabid Raccoon on meth and the heat is humid and disgusting.

Pretty sure that latter part is true of the entire middle section (between the Appalachians and Rockies) of North America. No Coast is the Best Coast.

 

[OldVice]

Pretty sure that latter part is true of the entire middle section (between the Appalachians and Rockies) of North America. No Coast is the Best Coast.

The only thing I'm actually grateful for is that there's barely any tornadoes and there's never any real earthquakes here.

 

[Angry_Panda]

The only thing I'm actually grateful for is that there's barely any tornadoes and there's never any real earthquakes here.

We get tornados here; if we ever get an earthquake a sizeable chunk of the continent is probably fucked.

 

[SuperOniichan]

People who do something and at the same time try to immediately blame you for it. If you consider this a reason for accusations, then why are you doing it in the first place?

 

[Doedoel]

Now that I have finished .hack//IMOQ and .hack//G.U. , I'm burdened with the knowledge that Bandai ignored the .hack series in favor of SAO (correct me if I'm wrong)

 

[OldVice]

We get tornados here; if we ever get an earthquake a sizeable chunk of the continent is probably fucked.

There was actually an earthquake here some year ago. None of us found out it was actually an earthquake until it was reported on the news later that day. I just thought a large dump truck drove by and rattled my house a bit.

 

[SuperOniichan]

Am I the only one who is starting to get tired of people with closed pages or few or no comments, who are therefore abusing reactions without fear of getting a response? Every time I see overvoting or downvoting of any comment, the majority of votes will always be from such people.

 

[BakedBanana]

Am I the only one who is starting to get tired of people with closed pages or few or no comments, who are therefore abusing reactions without fear of getting a response? Every time I see overvoting or downvoting of any comment, the majority of votes will always be from such people.

..Yeah?

 

[SuperOniichan]

..Yeah?

Yeah in what sense?