Cupid no Hatsukoi - Oneshot

[MewOne]

Ahahahahaha thank you for the sl!

 

[Lord_Ad5]

I was kinda hoping the MC was gonna look more like zoro. Think it would of fit him more but anyways

 

[LordTartaros]

Sounds fun I hope it gets serialized

 

[looc64]

A good way to somewhat subvert it is that FMC thinks that her arrows work on everyone and instantly makes the people used on it a couple, but it's revealed that the arrows only work if there is already feelings for that person.

FMC already likes MC and just doesn't realize it, and uses the arrow as an excuse as to why she likes him.

Feel like you need to figure out something like that to make a cupid protagonist story work.

If love is only the result of cupid arrows then that makes things way too unambiguous. Maybe MC and FMC already liked each other -> Nope, they didn't act like they'd been shot with arrows so they couldn't have liked each other at all.

Meanwhile if love can bloom without cupid arrows then a) what's the deal with cupids and b) at least some cupids should have noticed by now.

Basically you gotta rig things so you can still do will they won't they kinda dynamics and cupids don't look like idiots for doing their jobs.

 

[JasonBourne117]

Jimmney fucking chirstmas the women are stacked and thiccc!!!

 

[isoycrazy]

Interesting. Has potential.

 

[CharlisonX]

My only request, If this is going to be serialized, is to make this the "Chapter 1" instead of "The Whole Story". I don't want another "Ruridragon" where it's been three years already and Ruri still didn't met her dad out in the boonies.
We want to see what happens next, not "what already happened but slower".

 

[warm_panties]

Good story, but goddamn the art irritated the hell out of me. Generally well done and composed but the author's insistence on giant boobs at every angle and opportunity really depreciates the character design. Give empty space a chance to breathe, ya know?

Wing design is absolutely top notch though

Empty spaces serve only to be filled by boobs. A chance to breathe? Nay suffocate me, smother me in bosoms so big they take a third of the wole page

 

[RKADE14]

Beeg.

 

[CulR]

I really love the cover art. It's like they are shooting from a bow. You can feel the intensity of their eyes aiming down sights.

 

[BP]

Rob Liefeld-ass chest proportions.

I was wondering how to properly articulate how to describe the feeling that the Female MC's proportions were off and you nailed it. Thank you.

 

[Yotomoe]

I really hope this gets serialized. This art is really good.

 

[JagdPanther]

This was good, but didn't like how "off" the proportions were. Yako's head looked way too small for the rest of her body in many frames, even accounting for the huge melons.

 

[Sarevents]

this is why i hate oneshot, damn it

 

[KyoShiro1277]

huh...

it's cute alright
but... serialization...?

I mean... where to go after that?

I'm afraid dragging the romance after that end scene, or adding more details in between for serialization might just decrease the charm.
Converting it to Shonen? with the boy as some kind cupid's assistant ?

There's a lot of potential if the author doesn't go for the cliché romcom that we see all too often. Here are the possibilities I see:



- The world of the cupids can be gradually introduced: hierarchy, missions, rules (anonymity, quotas), penalties for revealing... FMC and MC could be threatened by superiors because FMC's identity has been revealed.

- Other Cupids could appear (classmates, for example), each with their own personality, methods and limits.

- The fact that she fell in love because of an arrow makes their relationship unstable, with the MC constantly wondering whether her feelings are “real” or artificial. FMC feels love but wants to know if it's her or the arrow, and MC doubts the sincerity of her feelings.

- High school can remain a comic setting with students impacted by love arrows (one-way love, triangles, misunderstandings, misdirected arrow “accidents”).

- The childhood friend will be jealous of MC's interactions with other girls.

- Students might find out about her or the Cupids, and she'd have to act to keep it a secret.

- The boy could become an unwitting assistant, or a human linked to an angel (FMC's father is technically a cupid too).

- How will FMC's father react when he learns that his daughter's childhood friend knows her identity?

- FMC could be in danger of death (or obliteration) for loving a human and revealing his identity.

- FMC could gradually open up, become more expressive (she's very cold).

- ...

 

[undeed]

There's a lot of potential if the author doesn't go for the cliché romcom that we see all too often. Here are the possibilities I see:



- The world of the cupids can be gradually introduced: hierarchy, missions, rules (anonymity, quotas), penalties for revealing... FMC and MC could be threatened by superiors because FMC's identity has been revealed.

- Other Cupids could appear (classmates, for example), each with their own personality, methods and limits.

- The fact that she fell in love because of an arrow makes their relationship unstable, with the MC constantly wondering whether her feelings are “real” or artificial. FMC feels love but wants to know if it's her or the arrow, and MC doubts the sincerity of her feelings.

- High school can remain a comic setting with students impacted by love arrows (one-way love, triangles, misunderstandings, misdirected arrow “accidents”).

- The childhood friend will be jealous of MC's interactions with other girls.

- Students might find out about her or the Cupids, and she'd have to act to keep it a secret.

- The boy could become an unwitting assistant, or a human linked to an angel (FMC's father is technically a cupid too).

- How will FMC's father react when he learns that his daughter's childhood friend knows her identity?

- FMC could be in danger of death (or obliteration) for loving a human and revealing his identity.

- FMC could gradually open up, become more expressive (she's very cold).

- ...

all you said are still either:
cliché, dragging the romance after end scene, or coverting to Shonen

all which I already surmised in my original comment

could be good, sure
I still don't see it to be better than just end it there

 

[KyoShiro1277]

all you said are still either:
cliché, dragging the romance after end scene, or coverting to Shonen

all which I already surmised in my original comment

could be good, sure
I still don't see it to be better than just end it there

What would you say is not a cliché in this kind of story?

 

[Firemorfox]

plot twist
she already liked him and is using this as an excuse to confess

 

[Joey107]

Artstyle looks so familiar, literally from a hentai artist. Could be the same person under a different alias or was an assistant to the hentai artist

 

[Mah_Buddy_Keith]

Good story, but goddamn the art irritated the hell out of me. Generally well done and composed but the author's insistence on giant boobs at every angle and opportunity really depreciates the character design. Give empty space a chance to breathe, ya know?

Wing design is absolutely top notch though

Girl so big other characters notice...