@daisora It's good that you know what you are lacking in, and I strongly suggest you improve your English if you want to continue. I believe that translation should be a two-step process that involves 1) understanding a source language and then 2) interpreting it into another language; if either step is not done right then the translation won't hold up. It's good that you can understand Japanese, but if you can't express it properly in English then you might not be able to convey the correct message.
Take the first line which I pointed out previously, for example:
i am happy to have the honor to prepare some time for me
The mistake here is that it does not indicate that the soldier was referring to Sakuya. It reads as if he's happy to have some "me time." So if we insert "Sakuya":
i am happy to have the honor of Sakuya to prepare some time for me
... It gains a new meaning.
I'm guessing there is no mention of "Sakuya" whatsoever in that line in the raw, but that's the thing with Japanese: it has a tendency of omitting the subject. On the other hand English does not just omit the subject in the same way, therefore it is important for a good translator to recognize that.