Amayo no Tsuki - Vol. 13 Ch. 50.1 - Dreamlike Reality

[Vaertai]

Delayed or not, you are doing god's work. Thank you.

 

[Ilikedeadmemes]

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ITS SSOOOOOO PEAAAAKKKKKK EHEEEEEEEEEEE

 

[FoolTarot]

I'm actually a little surprised that Kanon's getting through to her.

 

[Resound]

better change the bed sheets afte that night

 

[Quaanxiii]

I was re-reading i want to love you till your dying day and just read chapter 15 ( If you know you know )
I was sobbing and decided to go to sleep....then saw the update

Anyway seeing this made me happy. Saki is adorable and what's with Kanon lol
I'm glad Saki finally ( at least for now ) overcame her negative thoughts

I don't know if i should be happy or sad ( I can't get over that chapter TT )

 

[himejoshi.cy]

how are people mistaking schizophrenia with DID/OSDD? i know i probably shouldnt ask this question.. given how little people think of saneism and/or what words mean but whatever we ball, this is not schizophrenia lol . Ill try and outline plural saki here as brief as i can

"evil saki" does a lot of persecutor alter things and is trying to protect saki, this is from the IFS framework of trauma and OSDD/DID work. persecutors often show up in those victimized in isolating ways, I mean lots of traumatizing things that can happen to a child are incredibly isolating, like the homophobic bullying (text) or worse (subtext at this point, but given her first crush being an adult... questionable). For Saki, her persecutor is the only one she can turn to that has her back/interests in mind, her one confidante, but it is also holding all her pain at the same time. Every appearance is a recall of that pain which of course can be a self inflicted twisting of the knife. That's what being in survival mode is like for her. So no she's not an evil alter or whatever but she's the part of saki wounded from her ostracization and literal brain chemistry altering trauma and this has kind of been spelled out well in advance of the last two chapters. We just finally saw her break headspace and take a more physical appearance in her room, where Saki probably feels safest

i was joking but thanks

 

[SocialFang]

Awww, Saki took her mom's comment about trusting others more, :')

 

[WaterSoluble]

I'm not a big fan of the shadow Saki narrative device tbh. Saki's negativity was explored with a bit more finesse before.

 

[MathMols]

My favorite yuri!

 

[pureyurionly]

so sweet so cute and pure

 

[JoeMama_1]

I like this representation of Shadow Self. Present, but not overwhelming; something that you can reason through with enough stability. That's how it usually is for most people I would imagine.

We had the overwhelming representation that was quite good imo (when Saki was talking to that girl on the bus), but this lighter form doesn't appear in stories very often. The only other example I can think of was in Shadow Slave.

 

[Siklaws]

Punching the air and kicking my feet! YES! Live and try to be happy, be sad if things don't work out go get your love!


Thanks for the translations!

...Also could we get some saki x negative Saki fanart? I think it could be cool...

 

[Orpheus7]

Come on gang we need an official name for Trauma/Shadow/Evil/Nega Saki

I like Evil Saki cause she's homophobic Shadow Saki sounds better tho
Nega Saki

 

[beepink]

That's absolutely true. But Saki has no idea how long Kanon's been agonizing over this, just turning her feelings over and over trying to figure out what "love" even is. I might be wrong, but the earliest I can trace it back to is Kanon getting knots in her stomach while they were just watching fireworks on the balcony. That had been going on way before Saki ever picked up on it.

I'm just glad Saki actually believed Kanon's words. Like a fog's been lifted for her. Kanon told her she wants to know and accept her most "impure" self, and honestly I can't even imagine how cathartic that must've been to hear. And the thing is, I don't even think her self-loathing is impure in the first place, because it comes from caring. Like, she hates the parts of herself that she thinks could hurt the person she loves. I don't think that's impure at all.

Thanks for the translation!

I don't think it's her self loathing that she thinks is impure. It's her desire for women, specifically Kanon in this case. She thinks it's impure to want her, to be gay. It's internalized homophobia. It's been her character from the first chapter.

 

[UncStatus]

I don't think it's her self loathing that she thinks is impure. It's her desire for women, specifically Kanon in this case. She thinks it's impure to want her, to be gay. It's internalized homophobia. It's been her character from the first chapter.

You're right, but I think we're essentially arguing the same thing. They go hand in hand. Her self-loathing is rooted in thinking her desire for women, specifically Kanon, is impure.

I say this because during the discussion of being pure and impure Saki states "Someone like me, in this state, isn't worthy of you Kanon." That phrase "in this state" is key. She's distinguishing between what she is and what she's going through. Being gay is a state of being. Who you are, and not something you can change easily. Self-loathing is a mental state. A condition you're in, something that can be worked through or healed. Unless Saki plans to stop being gay, and there's no sign she will, "this state" cannot refer to her queerness when she says she isn't worthy.

Bear in mind Saki says this after they've already confessed their love to each other. Kanon already knows she's into women. Thus, from my interpretation, the impurity she's clinging to isn't just that she likes girls. It's everything that came with hiding it for so long. The walls she put up towards Mashiro, the overthinking, the bitterness. All of it piled up into this version of herself she doesn't think deserves love, even when it's right in front of her saying otherwise. The version of herself that is consumed by negativity, that cannot be open about who she is, that hates herself for it, that is what is not worthy of Kanon. This is where the impurity truly lies. Not solely in her identity, but in the shame she carries for it.