Eugene, that sentiment is called regret.
You've built up an entire mountain range of it by holding secrets from your family and Hari.
After all this, the other emotions you carry in your heart you still don't consider Hari as your sister. You've got romantic feelings for her, or complex feelings you would for an elder "Auntie" in your culture even though she's biologically younger than you.
But no matter how well she's treated you, or distanced herself from you... You've always made sure to twist the dagger in her side in your special way to make sure she's off-balanced and always trying to figure out just how she stands emotionally with you.
Her other brothers she figured out well just where she stood emotionally, but but she's had to step into fulfill your role as the elder-brother how many times now?
Suss her out properly.