I kinda feel sorry for the other group, but their translation WAS awful, and this is better by leagues. That said, I think the "how dramatic" doesn't work as well as the "you're exaggerating". From the perspective of "how would he word it" it sounds more believable, but the way Apple Guy responds to it makes less sense to me. Apple Guy seems to respond by saying something along the lines of "no, I'm not exaggerating, we're taking this level of precaution because that girl is a monster" by saying "how dramatic" he isn't really setting up to be told "no". A response like "Maybe, but" or "She's not just a grade schooler...", or instead of "how dramatic" saying something that warrants a "no" like "isn't that excessive?" would work better. Not that I'm a professional, or that those phrases would sit right with the personalities. I think though that this was the only spot where the translation even slightly fumbled, everything else was very well done.