Danjo-hi 1: 39 No heikō sekai de sumire no sakurasō (sakura sou) wa futsūjanai... - Vol. 1 Ch. 1 - Good Morning, Nee-san!

[MangaDex]

 

[caliche9700]

Ok, i support this fan comic

 

[RamblingWaspPunter]

Finally, we get to see her schizo posting!

 

[Geako]

I finally posted my Fan-Comic. I have target of 15 issue with each 30 pages, updated every months.

By the way, sneak-peak of volume 4 from Kisa-Sensei, We will see cover page by December.

 

[rei893]

Well well well, this is how my imagination gonna run wild
Mad respect Geako

 

[CrowGoesCaw]

Very fun comic, I look forward to future entries!

 

[Batias]

Ah, yes. The pattern of something happening and then experiencing psychosis. If the psychosis continues for like 3 more pages, it'll be like the real thing. Good work, King.

 

[dimox]

Okay... first the bad things.

1. Your English could use some polish. Don't get me wrong here, it's definitely readable but you tend to leave out words at times, there are several typos and some parts should be rephrased a bit to make them sound better or more natural. If you struggle with that because you are not a native speaker, maybe try getting a proof-reader. I won't list everything I noticed, but let me give you an example - I will pick the fat text bubble on page 21 - first, that thing is a bit... dunno, it feels weird to look at, so personally I would split that thing into three or even four smaller bubbles - maybe like:
   
   "Mom asked me to wake you up, Nee-san."
   "I called out to you and knocked on the door several times but you didn't respond."
   "So I had no choice but to enter your room without permission..."
   "Uhm... I'm sorry?"
   
   While we are at it - here you wrote "Nee-san" (which is correct) but on other pages you used "Ne-san", which is wrong.
   
   
2. Page 25 brings me to the backgrounds and text coloring... I think your backgrounds are good, but on P25 especially the resolution seems a bit low compared to the front part with the characters. The text colors for Sou and Sumire should be more distinctive and consistent. That speech bubble on P25 should be Sakura, I presume? Then the text color is wrong. Another one would be P18 - Sumire's bubble should be in her color.
   
   
3. I see that you re-used stuff from the original series, like Sakura on P26... but that's not necessarily a bad thing, it's just efficient if it fits in. No worries, it's fine, it was just noticed along the way.

Now then, I will leave it at that for my criticism.

Let me congratulate you on finishing the first chapter. Despite the small stuff I found while reading, this was a cute and quite the fun read - so yeah, I am really looking forward to see more of this.

Sumire getting a princess carry? Of course "Violet" has to share it. Not that anyone reading it will believe a single word. If there even is someone reading it at all (except Kana and Miku who will be seething with envy)...

 

[dimox]

By the way, sneak-peak of volume 4 from Kisa-Sensei, We will see cover page by December.

So Yuri and her splits on the cover? Well, it was about time. May they have lots of se... ehm fun.

 

[EchoGirl]

Ok, i support this fan comic

ngl lie surprised there aren't more tho i guess at most even a popular series like this would more so get fanart versus full on comics

 

[Geako]

Let me congratulate you on finishing the first chapter. Despite the small stuff I found while reading, this was a cute and quite the fun read - so yeah, I am really looking forward to see more of this.

Sumire getting a princess carry? Of course "Violet" has to share it. Not that anyone reading it will believe a single word. If there even is someone reading it at all (except Kana and Miku who will be seething with envy)...

I denfinitely need the proof reader for my English. I do not always right correct in first try, I need to review after sometime. If I compress the image in Jpeg. many time artifacts appear and sometime color changes. I will look into it.

About those backgrounds, they are hand crafted or made with editing the screenshots of assest store. Real Clip studio subscription will definitely help. I don't have money for that. I will arrange that from somewhere.

 

[dimox]

About those backgrounds, they are hand crafted or made with editing the screenshots of assest store. Real Clip studio subscription will definitely help. I don't have money for that. I will arrange that from somewhere.

Hai, wakatta. No worries. My first post (and even this one in parts) may come across like nitpicking, but I believe pointing out things I noticed is the appropriate thing to do if I'm going to give feedback. I look at your work and tell you my impressions and give my opinion. I do that because I really respect the effort you put in and seriously, I want to see you improve your skills with this project even further. The result will be more Sumire for us even if Kisa sets his focus on the school part.

One thing I like is the load of intro pages about the series' background. Compared to the original this approach feels good. Ah, but you might want to change "Satou House" to something like Satou family's home (or residence). That's my personal taste, but Satou House sounds a bit weird in my ears. As for the project as a whole. It looks like this will be cute and fun, so just keep the general direction, it's promising.

I like that final page with Sumire posting. Not sure if you will re-use that for all chapters. But the general idea to show how Sumire is posting about her daily life with Sou (which the others will call "delusions") is cool. Maybe for the next chapter that page could not have Sumire but one of the serie's characters reading Violet's blog - let's start with Akira, because she told Kana about it, so she was likely the first one. Akire looking at her tablet with a worried expression. Later it could be Miku (shivering on her bed like a junkie) or Kana grinning and drooling while looking at her Smartphone. Well, it depends on the content, but I think that would be quite funny.

By the way, when you told us about this, I was wondering if you would make it full color but it seems you decided to go mainly mono with colored pages mixed in (and the colored ones probably focussing Sumire). That's fine. But in this case, try making a unified, distinctive text coloring - it's even more important because colored text on mono pages will really stick out. Maybe upload your work in png format instead, if jpg creates unwanted artifacts.

Let me give a final comment on the color pages at the end, I think they are plenty cute and Sumire's goofy side comes across quite well here - though her facial expressions during the princess carry were even cuter. A little more nitpicking from my side, though: On P28 one of Sumire's nails got skin-colored by accident.

Now then, I'll leave it at that.

Thanks for sharing this ♥

 

[GranEschaton]

Sumire bros finally getting a W, looking forward to the rest of the series and nice reuse of the hollow eyed art Kisa sensei uses to show jealousy

 

[Psychronia]

Sumire-nee finally getting a win.

The delusion-posting on twitter is gonna get worse.

 

[IvanT]

 

[Geako]

Maybe for the next chapter that page could not have Sumire but one of the serie's characters reading Violet's blog - let's start with Akira, because she told Kana about it, so she was likely the first one. Akire looking at her tablet with a worried expression. Later it could be Miku (shivering on her bed like a junkie) or Kana grinning and drooling while looking at her Smartphone. Well, it depends on the content, but I think that would be quite funny.

I have planned those scenes in extra, But they for another chapters. I written the script for 2nd chapter. It will be some world building but it will about establishing Sumire As Best Girl.

Unfortunately for the Fan-work thing, I will not be able to give my time to Fan-coloring.

 

[MarqFJA87]

@Geako: Why is Sô saying "Onee-sama! Good morning?" in page 25? He already told her "good morning" earlier, and I don't get why he'd use a questioning tone this time.

 

[dimox]

@Geako: Why is Sô saying "Onee-sama! Good morning?" in page 25? He already told her "good morning" earlier, and I don't get why he'd use a questioning tone this time.

I'm not sure it's actually Sou saying that... normally he shouldn't address Sumire with "-sama"... he's usually more or less polite with her but as far as I remember, he says Sumire-nee(-san) or simply Nee-san (maybe Nee-chan for special situations). That said, if it's him saying that, then his "Onee-sama" probably has a sarcastic tone because he carries her around like spoiled princess.

It could also be Sakura speaking (she normally uses Onee-chan, though)...

@Geako :
If Sou is talking on p25, may I suggest this instead:

Sou:
"ついに目覚めたか、お姫様？"

something like "(HAVE YOU) FINALLY WOKEN UP, MY PRINCESS?"

 

[Geako]

@Geako :
If Sou is talking on p25, may I suggest this instead:

something like "(HAVE YOU) FINALLY WOKEN UP, MY PRINCESS?"

It's " Are you awake now, One sama" in Japanese translation.


onee sama, Mou okita?

"mezame" is odd here, it is like she awakened some hidden power..

I have to redo some pages.

 

[dimox]

it is like she awakened some hidden power..

looking at Sumire's smiling face while getting her cheeks pinched... enhanced masochism, maybe?