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lesbians aren't even real
Destroy It All And Love Me In Hell! - Vol. 3 Ch. 13 - If Only
- Thread starter MangaDex
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Yeah I don’t think there will be any sex next chapter haha. I think it’ll be a backstory dump from Naoi and that she took them to the hotel to primarily show Kurumi her scars in private. At the most Naoi might try to do something because she seems to handle kindness and her attraction to Kurumi about as well as an ice cube handles boiling water, but I don’t think Kurumi is any position to want to do so; she’s frustrated with Naoi and I don’t think she appreciates being dragged to some seedy hotel borderline violently and having her intentions misconstrued in such a severe way. I do like that Kurumi stood up for herself/her actions even in the face of Naoi’s scolding though. I also don’t know to what extent Kurumi’s worked out her feelings towards Naoi. There’s definitely attraction there but Kurumi also said she’d never really had any romantic feelings before when talking to Kokoro, so she might not even recognize what her feelings are yet
It’s a bit concerning that Naoi seemed to already know where this place was (it seems like she dragged Kurumi straight there) lol. I think her part time job is probably just a normal part time job though; she got in trouble with the teacher because someone saw her working, and I think she would have been in a lot more trouble if someone saw her possibly doing that sort of work, but I don’t think there’s a way to know for certain right now
I think it was really nice to see just how kind-hearted Kurumi really is at her core again. She stepped in pretty selflessly to shield Naoi and continued to try to defend her even as the situation escalated. I think she was frustrated less that Naoi got upset with her and more that Naoi seemed to imply she only did what she did to get something in return. Though she’s definitely frustrated about getting scolded too lol. The tragedy is that many of Kurumi’s issues seem to stem from her being a kind person even as a child; wanting to cheer her mom up, wanting to keep her mom from hurting herself, wanting to help Kokoro, not wanting to turn down others etc etc. Of course bottling that all up has led to her becoming bitter and very angry, but ultimately she’s still a kind person
As for Naoi it seems like she’s taking out her anger with herself on Kurumi; she looked absolutely devastated when Kurumi got hit and probably thinks that it’s partly her fault, saying something to the effect of “if you’d just gone home, you wouldn’t have gotten hurt” when what she’s probably really thinking is “if she hadnt gone out to meet me tonight she wouldn’t have gotten hurt”. She clearly doesn’t know how to handle her anger well (kicking the bathroom stall and choking Kurumi, deciding to blackmail kurumi in the first place, kicking the park equipment, punching Kurumi in the stomach and generally roughing her up all in vol 1, being very physical with Kurumi in general) and her coping mechanism in this case seems to be trying to put some unearned blame on Kurumi instead of admitting that what happened was really out of both of their hands and that Naoi doesn’t really have any control over her father’s actions
WHEEZE a lot to ponder on this time around haha
I honestly believe everything will work out in the end. The journey will be tough and toxic, but I think these two characters will come out on top and be better for it. I'm really enjoying the journey so far. This is what toxic stories should aim for: self-healing, helping others heal, and overcoming trauma.
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Loving this story.
Thanks for the translation!
Thanks for the translation!
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The toxic yuri is so good i wish lesbians were real
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To the people in the comments saying "ooo hot yuri sex next chapter": you're disgusting
Naoi obviously has an extremely skewed way of perceiving help and reward due to her traumas, there's nothing sexy or hot about it, it's a scream for help from an abused kid, not a sexual fantasy
Naoi obviously has an extremely skewed way of perceiving help and reward due to her traumas, there's nothing sexy or hot about it, it's a scream for help from an abused kid, not a sexual fantasy
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The haters bouta have copious amounts of discussion on the couch...
Oh boy...
Oh boy...
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That was an awesome chapter. Its nice to get some back story and things are starting to develop. Thanks for the translation
Seeing all relationships as transactional is a common abuse response. What better way is there to protect yourself from emotional abuse than to turn that abuse into one side of a transaction - not only are you taking back some measure of control by demanding "payment", you can even make your abuser into nothing more than someone you're doing business with rather than someone you care about. And strangely enough, a surprisingly large number of abuse perpetrators will play along, at least as long as it's not actively inconvenient - possibly due to being victims of similar abuse in the past, so that the transactional relationship model comes naturally to them . . .
That said, I don't think Naoi's father is that kind of abuser - he seemed far more selfish and entitled than transactional, and Naoi's response definitely wasn't transactional, it was flat out denial followed by angry capitulation. He seems like the kind of person who'll just take and take, and if you don't keep giving him what he wants he'll alternate between selfish whining or manipulation, and angry threats which will escalate into full on violence if he's in the right kind of mood. Trying to be transactional with someone like that is pointless, because they'll never accept that you're worth negotiating with - if you won't do what they want the easy way, they'll just switch to force. In that kind of situation the only way to take some kind of control of things is to be able to just accept the violence without giving the abuser the satisfaction of getting what they want out of it - let them hit you until they get sick of it and leave you alone, at least for a little while.
Which is what I think Naoi was planning to do, until Kurumi stepped in to defend her. When that happened all you can see on Naoi's face is horror at the thought of someone else taking on that abuse - there's none of the anger you'd expect to see at someone who's interfering with a business transaction, just concern, followed fairly soon after by disgust at her father transferring his demands to this new target. Only after that, particularly after it seemed like Kurumi might actually give him some money, did she get angry, and then I think it was anger at herself and her father, and at herself some more - Kurumi got the anger and self-hate that spilled over the edges, she was never the focus.
The transactional relationship bit didn't actually come up until it was the two of them, alone together, processing what happened. And I think that probably had more to do with Naoi's feelings about herself than anything else - she couldn't accept the idea that she deserved Kurumi's help (and the implication that Kurumi valued her enough to help) without Kurumi demanding something in exchange. Her father's parting words really hit home, and this very clearly wasn't the first time he'd said them . . .
So now Naoi is insisting on making a "fair exchange" because that's all she can do - accepting that Kurumi protected her because she cared about her, because she valued her enough to care, because she saw value in her at all, is just impossible. Rejecting that possibility requires that Kurumi receive an appropriate payment; Naoi has nothing of value left to give - no money, her friendship is worthless, heartfelt thanks are a waste of breath, all she can do is throw the last thing she has left on the table: her body. And she probably at least three parts believes that Kurumi's response will be disgust at the idea, because how could anyone think anything she had to offer wasn't utterly worthless? But that last part of her is perhaps thinking "maybe she does want me . . ." and hoping just a little bit that she could find a reason to hate herself a bit less . . .
But even in the middle of all that it's interesting that Naoi didn't push Kurumi down - she threw herself on the bed, and pulled Kurumi down on top of her. That makes it easy for Kurumi to reject Naoi and leave (exactly as she expects her to), but there's a limit to what Naoi can do from that position - it means that Kurumi would need to actively take control. So I think on some level it's not even "I'll offer up as payment this thing you might find some value in", instead it's "if you really think I'm worth something, show me" . . .
Or perhaps I'm overthinking things?
Regardless, I'm really interested in what happens next. I don't think either of them can actually engage in any kind of romantic connection at this point, though I do think at some level they both recognise that it could happen. I doubt anything much will come out of this seedy love hotel room, either, because neither of them has enough emotional capacity to give the other the comfort they need. So what will happen? What will it break, who will it damage?
Wait, you're disappointed that two teenage girls didn't do shit against an adult male who's clearly no stranger to physical violence? You like the idea of them trying to escalate things, taking the level of violence from a single punch being thrown to something even more serious?
Take a look at the panels where they're shown standing near him - the top of their heads barely come up to his shoulder. He's probably literally twice their weight. He could break their bones without even trying. If he got angry enough he could land them both in hospital with severe injuries, even if they were doing their best to defend themselves. Killing one or both of them is far from impossible.
Stupid little girls didn't do shit against him? Idiot. They got away without anything worse than some bruises. Far too many "stupid little girls" don't get that lucky.
So lets just ignore the fact that there is something called the police? Hell she even threatened to call the police, but for some stupid reason didnt do it and instead they gave him money🤦🏼♂️
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