Destroy It All And Love Me In Hell! - Vol. 3 Ch. 14 - Through the Looking-Glass

[ShekelyN]

kuwabara always cooking

 

[tbchillin]

That was a loooong two months for me lol. I only managed to forget the wait for the last week. Not sure what I was expecting but that was super satisfying. Usually I feel a tiny bit let down after waiting for monthly series to drop but not with this one!

I really love this series so much! It might sound crazy but I struggle to really even consider this toxic - these are two SERIOUSLY damaged girls who are trying (and failing) to find security and identity in each other. I wouldn't call what they're doing necessarily healthy, but I mean...I know grown adults who can't even call each other out for their arrogance and chauvinism like this. There's a surprising amount of emotional intelligence wrapped up in their destructive outbursts.

Violence and threats of self-harm are the only love language these two know, and it's really heartwarming to see them at least take the first step in directing that outwards towards the world rather than inwards towards themselves and each other. There's clearly no shortage of growing pains and external antagonists to deal with but where they are now from where they began is a huge amount of progress in understanding themselves better.

Praying for these girls to find healing and happiness with each other lol

I agree completely! Unfortunately this was one of the first "toxic" yuri series I read and was hoping there'd be more like it out there but I couldn't quite find any that feel as... healthy(?) as this one. There's not enough balance between the hurt and the healing I think?

It's like yeah these girls have clearly been broken by the people who's supposed to care for them and need help, but since that's not gonna happen they're doing their best to piece each other back together.
If that makes any sense? Anyway it's super heartwarming to me

 

[Bomang]

Oh man I love this series, worth waiting once a month for it

 

[WolfenLady]

She just felt so forgettably generic, my brain had already filtered her out after flashback ended 🫡

Wait, that was the bully with glasses? For real? Damn, if you didn't say it, I would've thought it was a whole new bitch coming to mess things up. So she just a recycled bitch

 

[TanyaTheEvil]

That was an awesome chapter, I learned a lot. Thanks for the translation

 

[Wachtail]

Thanks for the translation!

 

[Ninoren]

Maybe thinking that is why she bullied the girl with the cute hairband. And why she gave herself a makeover. She realized she was a background character.

Nah, was talking about the way she acted actually 😶

 

[enstoblue]

thank you for the translation <3

 

[rikahime]

Lol I find it a little cute how Naoi is shorter than Kurumi.

 

[kkakasih]

Yes, more

 

[KZO]

That was some surprisingly cute flirting.

 

[positivemangawitch]

This kind of shit sucks

 

[himi-cat]

Her mom and sister leaving without a word is only her subjective view of things and feels a bit strange based on what little we know of them.
I wouldn't it put it past the dad to have killed and disposed of them.

Naah, people like the dad generally aren't organised enough to do that kind of thing - if they kill it's in the heat of the moment, and then they tend to either collapse in a panicked heap because they realise they went too far, or just keep going until someone stops them.

I get the impression that splitting families down the middle when there's a parental breakup isn't uncommon in Japan, with some of the kids going with one parent and some with the other - that may just be from reading too much unrealistic manga/etc, of course, but the way it's generally portrayed doesn't make it seem like the reader is expected to find it odd or unusual. It's definitely odd and unusual where I'm from (Australia), and I think it's unusual in most anglo countries (not sure about other parts of the world) - keeping the kids together is the default, and has been for a long long time, it's only in cases where one of the kids is old enough to make a decision for themselves, or where there's some other factors involved (like an older kid not wanting to relocate in the middle of their final year of high school).

If splitting up the kids is an accepted thing in Japan then Naoi's mother leaving with only one of her kids is more understandable, particularly if she was leaving to go to a relatively precarious situation and wasn't confident she could support both of them. But if she was afraid for her safety or the safety of her kids, then running away while leaving Naoi with a violent abusive man is . . . . much less understandable, to put it mildly . . .

...Naoi's mom taking her sister and abandoning her is precisely where the "if you use violence in opposition to violence, you're just as bad" bullshit leads.

This seems like the only plausible explanation - her mother was afraid of both her husband and Naoi, afraid enough that she thought the only way to be safe was to get away from both of them. That's not impossible, though I'm pretty sure it's extremely uncommon in the real world, particularly when we're talking about kids who are pre-teen or early teenagers - kids just aren't physically capable of presenting enough of a threat to their adult parents to overcome their parents attachment. Running away from an abusive father/son pair isn't unrealistic, but only really if the son is mid to late teens, adult enough to be an active threat on their own; otherwise, it's really hard to see any plausible justification. Though there are all sorts of wrinkles when you start talking about abuse, too many to go into in any kind of depth without making this into even more of an essay, it's generally safe to say that a parent running away from domestic abuse will either take all their kids, or leave all of them (generally because running away with all the kids is impossible). Or, most often, they won't run away at all.

Which make this situation seem pretty weird. Naoi really doesn't seem to be particularly violent or aggressive - yes she's willing to countenance violence as a response to violence (which is totally normal after growing up in a violent environment), but we've never seen her be violent for the sake of it, or from just losing her temper the way her father does. We've seen her use violence with considerable thought and focus in the present, and in flashbacks we've seen her respond to bullying with violence, though not particularly aggressively - tossing a wet rag at a bully and then indicating a willingness to follow up with more force if necessary would normally be enough to stop things, it was the bully's response that escalated things further. There's clearly lots of stuff that we don't know about her past yet, but it's hard to see how she'd reach a point where her mother had any kind of justfication for being afraid of her at all, let alone afraid enough to justify abandoning her to an abusive father.

So what's going on here? Maybe we'll find out with more flashbacks or exposition in the next chapter . . .

 

[silverpetricof]

Thank you for the translation.

 

[deathpigeon]

That's not impossible, though I'm pretty sure it's extremely uncommon in the real world, particularly when we're talking about kids who are pre-teen or early teenagers - kids just aren't physically capable of presenting enough of a threat to their adult parents to overcome their parents attachment.

Ok, but this isn't about if she's physically capable of being a threat. It's about how her mother conceptualizes the world. In her mother's view, all violence, whether in self-defense or aggression, is equivalent. She said so directly to Naoi's face. She doesn't need to be afraid of Naoi to look at Naoi, willing to use violence in defense of others and herself, and Naoi's father, willing to use violence in order to enforce his will, and just see two people willing to use violence, and what she was running away from was violence.

She might not even care that Naoi would never turn that violence against her, that Naoi does violence in response to violence, that Naoi is not and probably never will be a threat to her because this isn't about a threat or even fear. This is about an ideology, a worldview, that does not differentiate between sorts of violence.

 

[Lustrist]

you guys would really benefit from a rage room

 

[himi-cat]

Ok, but this isn't about if she's physically capable of being a threat. It's about how her mother conceptualizes the world. In her mother's view, all violence, whether in self-defense or aggression, is equivalent. She said so directly to Naoi's face. She doesn't need to be afraid of Naoi to look at Naoi, willing to use violence in defense of others and herself, and Naoi's father, willing to use violence in order to enforce his will, and just see two people willing to use violence, and what she was running away from was violence.

She might not even care that Naoi would never turn that violence against her, that Naoi does violence in response to violence, that Naoi is not and probably never will be a threat to her because this isn't about a threat or even fear. This is about an ideology, a worldview, that does not differentiate between sorts of violence.

I'm not disagreeing with you, for the most part: her mother could have ended up seeing Naoi that way, and that could have contributed to her decision to abandon her, absolutely. However actually acting on that, actually abandoning one of her children in an environment where that child has already been hurt and is likely to be hurt again - realistically, that's going past simple ideological drivers.

The parent/child bond is easily the strongest emotional tie that exists in human life - obviously there are exceptions, but a parent caring for a child is one of the things that's most likely to break that parent out of any ideological thinking (even if only for their child, not more broadly). From a more distant and unemotional standpoint an ideology that doesn't allow any differentiation between acts of violence may be all well and good, but for 99% of parents that will be thrown out the window as soon as the violence is directly related to their children. It's not rational, it's not under conscious control for the most part, it's pretty much instinctive and automatic - seeing your child in danger triggers a response to protect them; and because humans are capable of forethought "seeing your child in danger" doesn't even have to be immediate danger, leaving them somewhere that you know they may suffer harm will also trigger that response. This is one reason why victims of domestic abuse don't just leave their kids - they know it's not a safe environment since it's not safe for them; that means it's not safe for their kids, either, and they prioritise protecting their kids as best they can with protecting themselves. Even if they don't necessarily feel entirely safe with their kids (if one of them has behavioural issues or something like that) it's still extremely rare for a parent to just abandon them in an environment they know is unsafe.

So yes, Naoi's mother may well subscribe to that rather stupid ideology that says violence is never acceptable and all violence is equally bad regardless of context, but for that to be the driving force behind her abandoning Naoi with her father there would need to be something else going on, something in her mother's past or her psychological makeup that made even a hint of potential violence impossible for her to deal with. Which seems really unlikely given she appears to have stayed in an abusive relationship for quite a while . . . which in turn makes me wonder what the hell is going on here - what made Naoi's mother actually decide to abandon her? Ideology probably contributed, but she'd have to be a really weird parent for that to be the only reason.

And yes there are exceptions to all of this in the real world, but invoking that kind of exception in a narrative context really needs some kind of justification, particularly in a story that's as carefully considered as this one - an author doesn't get to just say "oh, they were nuts all along", not if they take their work seriously. So I guess you could say I'm wondering which of the possible exceptions is being invoked by the author, and how they justify it.

 

[ShaneARang]

Naoi really doesn't seem to be particularly violent or aggressive - yes she's willing to countenance violence as a response to violence (which is totally normal after growing up in a violent environment), but we've never seen her be violent for the sake of it, or from just losing her temper the way her father does. We've seen her use violence with considerable thought and focus in the present, and in flashbacks we've seen her respond to bullying with violence, though not particularly aggressively - tossing a wet rag at a bully and then indicating a willingness to follow up with more force if necessary would normally be enough to stop things, it was the bully's response that escalated things further. There's clearly lots of stuff that we don't know about her past yet, but it's hard to see how she'd reach a point where her mother had any kind of justfication for being afraid of her at all, let alone afraid enough to justify abandoning her to an abusive father.

Just to slightly push back on this, I feel like Naoi has actually shown herself to be fairly capable of violence, especially in the first volume (sucker punching Kurumi in the first chapter, roughing her up in chapter 2, choking her in the bathroom in chapter 4, grabbing her to keep her from leaving in chapter 5, aggressively grabbing her in chapter 13 to the point Kurumi mentions that it hurts out loud). To me at least it comes across as her not being 100% in control of her temper, but I’d certainly agree that she probably doesn’t personally think her violent actions were out of line, seeing as how she’s been shown to be a very calculating individual overall.

Otherwise I think your analysis is totally spot on 👍! I’m also pretty convinced at this point there’s some major things we still don’t know yet about her history. We don’t actually know exactly when her mom ran off with her sister, just that it happened sometime after she was burned, so there could have been a point where she did possibly start getting violent with others; maybe at school or something, it seems extremely unlikely she would have hurt her mom or sister intentionally, like you said.

Kudou certainly checks off enough delinquent boxes with her glow up, so it’s possible there was either ongoing conflict with her or perhaps even that Naoi ended up falling into a bad crowd with her. Maybe they bonded over shitty family situations or something.

I’m pretty excited to see where things go with Kudou, especially with all the other craziness going on with the rest of the cast. Right now I think regarding her past the two most likely possibilities are that either:

She and Naoi remained antagonistic with each other up through middle school and she made it her personal mission to make sure Naoi was alone, which is why she’s mad when she sees Kurumi with her.

Or what I personally think is the more likely option:

She and Naoi reconciled at some point and became friends, possibly even getting romantically involved because drama dictates as such, but some other falling out occurred that led to Naoi to saying ‘fuck it’ and even choosing to go to a different high school on her scholarship and THAT’s why she’s pissed when she sees Kurumi with Naoi. This could also help explain what Naoi may have done in the past that seemingly pushed her mother away (becoming a delinquent or some such), though obviously I don’t think that excuses the mom’s actions leaving her in an abusive household. Maybe she started to see her father in her, however rational or irrational.

I definitely think the burn she received probably had a pretty horrific effect on her mentally. Getting boiling water(?) thrown on you could send an adult to the hospital, and she was a little kid at the time; she could have gotten seriously fucked up by what her dad did (I don’t know if that could outright kill a person but she was just a kid so any amount of 2nd or 3rd degree burns are very serious). It wouldn’t be surprising if that represented some sort of turning point for her mentally.

Ultimately it’s very sad to see that Naoi was a good kid, the type that would even stand up to bullies, get ground down by the toxic environment she grew up in into the deeply troubled girl she is now. Being with Kurumi has definitely been a good influence for her, and I imagine they’ll both continue to help fix each other, and hopefully weather whatever storms are on the horizon

 

[himi-cat]

Just to slightly push back on this, I feel like Naoi has actually shown herself to be fairly capable of violence, especially in the first volume (sucker punching Kurumi in the first chapter, roughing her up in chapter 2, choking her in the bathroom in chapter 4, grabbing her to keep her from leaving in chapter 5, aggressively grabbing her in chapter 13 to the point Kurumi mentions that it hurts out loud). To me at least it comes across as her not being 100% in control of her temper, but I’d certainly agree that she probably doesn’t personally think her violent actions were out of line, seeing as how she’s been shown to be a very calculating individual overall.

Yeah, she's clearly quite capable of violence, but it seems to be a tool for her rather than something outside her control. Which is why I'm trying to make a clear distinction between her and her father - my reading of his aggressive behaviour is that it's pretty classic anger management stuff, and most of his violence is simply about venting his anger, whereas Naoi is using violent/aggressive/forceful behaviour to achieve specific goals that she's consciously chosen. In a domestic abuse context the former is by far the most dangerous kind of violence; Naoi's type of violent behaviour is much less likely to harm people around her, though it can be extremely damaging when used by someone with sociopathic tendencies (which to be fair she has, but as far as I can see not to a particularly pathological extent).

Not much to add to the rest of your comment, except to agree that Naoi really got the shit end of the stick as far as her childhood environment goes . . . The equally horrible but enormously different environment Kurumi grew up in is probably part of why they're good for each other - the relatively undamaged parts of one complement the more damaged parts of the other, so they can support each other surprisingly well.

 

[MacinteuchPlus]

I really love this series so much! It might sound crazy but I struggle to really even consider this toxic - these are two SERIOUSLY damaged girls who are trying (and failing) to find security and identity in each other. I wouldn't call what they're doing necessarily healthy, but I mean...I know grown adults who can't even call each other out for their arrogance and chauvinism like this. There's a surprising amount of emotional intelligence wrapped up in their destructive outbursts.

Violence and threats of self-harm are the only love language these two know, and it's really heartwarming to see them at least take the first step in directing that outwards towards the world rather than inwards towards themselves and each other. There's clearly no shortage of growing pains and external antagonists to deal with but where they are now from where they began is a huge amount of progress in understanding themselves better.

Praying for these girls to find healing and happiness with each other lol

Yeah they definitely have some unhealthy coping mechanisms and approach going on but I wouldn't call them toxic either, they're just figuring things out as best as they can when most of their lives was tainted by abuse and betrayal