Haikei, Arishi Hi ni Saku Hanatachi e - Ch. 19.2
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Give the raws a like.
Igarashi's comments on ch19:
In 1993, Japanese author Tsurumi Wataru wrote "The Complete Manual of Suicide." It sold one million copies and is exactly what the title describes. In the postscript he notes, "To think that at the worst crucial moment, one can escape from the pain by committing suicide, one can live for the moment easier. So by distributing this book, I want to make this stifling society an easier place to live. That is the goal of this book. And I never intend to encourage readers to commit suicide." Tsurumi spent no time arguing in favor of suicide, however he questioned at many points "why one must live."
Suicide is a really, REALLY touchy subject. But it's one I linger on. A lot of the manga I've translated deal with themes of suicide and while I promise that's coincidence it's probably no coincidence I read things from like-minded authors. Suicide is of course a more prominent topic when dealing with Japanese culture. But Japan only comes 30th in suicide rates by nation. Not that it isn't an issue, but I think Japan's association with suicide is simply the result of a greater recognition of that issue. It's something the public addresses as a cultural failing rather than trying to ignore, though that cultural failing still goes uncorrected.
There is an infectious nature to suicide. Knowing someone who died by suicide is actually one of the highest risk factors in predicting another suicide. Paradoxically, there is an increase in suicide rates after stories of suicide, both fictional and nonfictional, reach mainstream audiences. In addressing the issue this contagion of suicide spreads.
As Tsurumi notes, suicide is an option. And simply recognizing that option can sometimes relieve pressure. Knowing that there is an eject button - one most should never seriously consider pressing. As Igarashi notes, the less options you have the more appealing that eject button becomes. That was Kasumi's situation. The full reveal of Kasumi's trauma is that Karin's death was the lesser part of it. It was how deeply Karin's words had joined her subconscious, how the unfocused thought of death felt so near and reasonable, and how Karin's death brought the horrific nature of it into unignorable clarity. Kasumi's own attempt came when her self-loathing and guilt were at their deepest.
And that door never really shuts again. Kasumi's spirit is still fractured, she's quick to bursts of emotion that always attack inward. Her 'shackles' are still her constant companion eroding her self-worth. What brought her back from the edge was thoughts of her family. But you could argue Kasumi kept living out of obligation to them. She still hadn't come to terms with failing to enter her target school. She still feels like a failure whenever her grades slip. 3 years of preparation was a long time and to Kasumi it amounted to nothing. The road ahead was devoid of meaning.
So it's important to look back at Haruyo under this lens. How important it is to Kasumi that studying with Haruyo isn't an obligation. How Haruyo is the one bright distraction in her life and how easily she falls to pieces without her. How worried Kasumi is that Haruyo might come to know any of the pain she feels.
Despite everything this is ultimately a hopeful chapter. That with Haruyo near Kasumi's abyss is gone. But it's never gone completely. This is surely not the end of the drama. If Arisaku is anything it is a rollercoaster of ups and downs. And Haruyo won't be sheltered from that darkness forever. It's been a while since we had a chapter from Haruyo's perspective. It feels like everything happens behind her back. Maybe it's better it stays that way, though it probably won't. Haruyo doesn't fully understand how delicate Kasumi is. But I hope she comes to realize how much she means to Kasumi.
Take care of yourselves, people.
Igarashi's comments on ch19:
In 1993, Japanese author Tsurumi Wataru wrote "The Complete Manual of Suicide." It sold one million copies and is exactly what the title describes. In the postscript he notes, "To think that at the worst crucial moment, one can escape from the pain by committing suicide, one can live for the moment easier. So by distributing this book, I want to make this stifling society an easier place to live. That is the goal of this book. And I never intend to encourage readers to commit suicide." Tsurumi spent no time arguing in favor of suicide, however he questioned at many points "why one must live."
Suicide is a really, REALLY touchy subject. But it's one I linger on. A lot of the manga I've translated deal with themes of suicide and while I promise that's coincidence it's probably no coincidence I read things from like-minded authors. Suicide is of course a more prominent topic when dealing with Japanese culture. But Japan only comes 30th in suicide rates by nation. Not that it isn't an issue, but I think Japan's association with suicide is simply the result of a greater recognition of that issue. It's something the public addresses as a cultural failing rather than trying to ignore, though that cultural failing still goes uncorrected.
There is an infectious nature to suicide. Knowing someone who died by suicide is actually one of the highest risk factors in predicting another suicide. Paradoxically, there is an increase in suicide rates after stories of suicide, both fictional and nonfictional, reach mainstream audiences. In addressing the issue this contagion of suicide spreads.
As Tsurumi notes, suicide is an option. And simply recognizing that option can sometimes relieve pressure. Knowing that there is an eject button - one most should never seriously consider pressing. As Igarashi notes, the less options you have the more appealing that eject button becomes. That was Kasumi's situation. The full reveal of Kasumi's trauma is that Karin's death was the lesser part of it. It was how deeply Karin's words had joined her subconscious, how the unfocused thought of death felt so near and reasonable, and how Karin's death brought the horrific nature of it into unignorable clarity. Kasumi's own attempt came when her self-loathing and guilt were at their deepest.
And that door never really shuts again. Kasumi's spirit is still fractured, she's quick to bursts of emotion that always attack inward. Her 'shackles' are still her constant companion eroding her self-worth. What brought her back from the edge was thoughts of her family. But you could argue Kasumi kept living out of obligation to them. She still hadn't come to terms with failing to enter her target school. She still feels like a failure whenever her grades slip. 3 years of preparation was a long time and to Kasumi it amounted to nothing. The road ahead was devoid of meaning.
So it's important to look back at Haruyo under this lens. How important it is to Kasumi that studying with Haruyo isn't an obligation. How Haruyo is the one bright distraction in her life and how easily she falls to pieces without her. How worried Kasumi is that Haruyo might come to know any of the pain she feels.
Despite everything this is ultimately a hopeful chapter. That with Haruyo near Kasumi's abyss is gone. But it's never gone completely. This is surely not the end of the drama. If Arisaku is anything it is a rollercoaster of ups and downs. And Haruyo won't be sheltered from that darkness forever. It's been a while since we had a chapter from Haruyo's perspective. It feels like everything happens behind her back. Maybe it's better it stays that way, though it probably won't. Haruyo doesn't fully understand how delicate Kasumi is. But I hope she comes to realize how much she means to Kasumi.
Take care of yourselves, people.
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seeing Igarashi say that the backgrounds were both a chore and the sole motivation to push through this necessary, and necessarily heavy chapter is interesting, because I kept getting caught up on them more so than I think I ever have in the past.
The intensity of the water splashing and gushing, to dribbling, to draining into empty white across 12 to 15 was arresting. Igarashi knows the magic of mood and emotion found in the details and sensory aspects of illustration and composition; she's shown it off time and again throughout this work, and the dual nature of creating almost illuminated manuscripts for her work while working as a backstop of symbolism to whatever narrative is playing out is inspired and inspiring. It's been discussed into exhaustion here already, but highlighting how important it was to this chapter, and this chapter's completion, just drives home how ever facet of the work--from the characters, to the story, to the way each spot of ink is placed upon the page--creates something wholly more than the sum of its parts.
Kinda like how each person in one's life touches them, building up on handprint over another, into a tapestry that renders a person a universe of experience, even when we don't know it. They mark you, you mark them, and the presence or lack thereof is an echo that sounds through time.
Anyway.
I'm glad Haru has found her way into Kasumi's life. As big and justifiably terrifying as life and this world can be, someone who makes the sky a pretty backdrop for some tasty barbecue and a simple quiet afternoon spent hand-in-hand? Even the Abyss will feel a little less daunting, and a little less absolute.
The intensity of the water splashing and gushing, to dribbling, to draining into empty white across 12 to 15 was arresting. Igarashi knows the magic of mood and emotion found in the details and sensory aspects of illustration and composition; she's shown it off time and again throughout this work, and the dual nature of creating almost illuminated manuscripts for her work while working as a backstop of symbolism to whatever narrative is playing out is inspired and inspiring. It's been discussed into exhaustion here already, but highlighting how important it was to this chapter, and this chapter's completion, just drives home how ever facet of the work--from the characters, to the story, to the way each spot of ink is placed upon the page--creates something wholly more than the sum of its parts.
Kinda like how each person in one's life touches them, building up on handprint over another, into a tapestry that renders a person a universe of experience, even when we don't know it. They mark you, you mark them, and the presence or lack thereof is an echo that sounds through time.
Anyway.
I'm glad Haru has found her way into Kasumi's life. As big and justifiably terrifying as life and this world can be, someone who makes the sky a pretty backdrop for some tasty barbecue and a simple quiet afternoon spent hand-in-hand? Even the Abyss will feel a little less daunting, and a little less absolute.
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Goddamn that was a hard read and beautiful end of the chapter. I really do wish she moves on and start a new chapter with this new budding love of hers.
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There's something trully haunting in the presentation of a young girl attempting suicide from a "fly on the wall" perspective.
I could feel my heartbeat accelerate parsing one panel after the other. Real piece of art.
On a lighter note, it's pretty irresponsile to leave your daughter who just learned her friend killed herself alone while you go to work. I get that this is Japan and dedicating your life to making your boss richer is the norm... but come on!
I could feel my heartbeat accelerate parsing one panel after the other. Real piece of art.
On a lighter note, it's pretty irresponsile to leave your daughter who just learned her friend killed herself alone while you go to work. I get that this is Japan and dedicating your life to making your boss richer is the norm... but come on!
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Well, this chapter hit a little closer to home than I expected. To go with the translation comments and notes it is tragically relatable that when you start thinking of it as an option, it makes getting by just a bit easier, but it also makes it a risk. I have gotten away from that these last few years, but I only made as far as I have because of that same thought process. It is always an option, but any other option with anything positive should take priority, and sometimes that just sucks. The longer this series goes on, the more it means to me. Ty for the TL.
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I'll reread this chapter 19 while listening to The Oral Cigarette's Savior of My Life. When Paruyo appears in the next chapter, I'll read it while listening to that again. She's really Kasumi's savior from her regret of the past with Karin and her failure to get into her first choice of school. She's the fantasy of her Real.
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I can see optimism in the ending but to me it highlights how precarious Kasumi's mental state still is. She casts around for someone, anyone, and clings desperately to Onee-sama's letters. She seems calm, she's looking up at a bright sky, but she's still sitting on the edge. Holding Haruyo's hand in the dream, she's grasping the rose brooch in reality, like a fetish to protect from Karin's ghost. Any positivity is going to continue to feel insubstantial to me until and unless Kasumi can trust Haruyo with some of the sludge she's carrying inside.
Maybe I'm just being a downer.
Maybe I'm just being a downer.
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While I've come to terms with my own ideations, I dislike sources of information like what Tsurumi made because it can easily make the process concrete for those in a crisis, escalating what might only have been a vague idea of what to do into a situation where it becomes actionable. Context matters though, especially for that particular book, and not discussing or exploring it at all is much worse.
As TL notes, it is a slippery slope, which in and of itself is why its such a sensitive topic.
That being said, I can't believe that I would be chewing on or even considering posting any of these thoughts in the first place, having gone into the first chapter of this beautifully raw manga without knowing anything at all about this author. Some of it's a bit melodramatic (lookin' at you, you totally toxic yet surprisingly functional gfs), and perhaps it might get more so down the line, but it is depicted and expressed from such a genuine place of emotion that makes it hit so much more harder.
It's absolutely phenomenal.
Thank you for the translation.
As TL notes, it is a slippery slope, which in and of itself is why its such a sensitive topic.
That being said, I can't believe that I would be chewing on or even considering posting any of these thoughts in the first place, having gone into the first chapter of this beautifully raw manga without knowing anything at all about this author. Some of it's a bit melodramatic (lookin' at you, you totally toxic yet surprisingly functional gfs), and perhaps it might get more so down the line, but it is depicted and expressed from such a genuine place of emotion that makes it hit so much more harder.
It's absolutely phenomenal.
Thank you for the translation.
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I can't believe what I read
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Kasumi testing the waters of suicide with a near-attempt hits so hard. It hits even harder when the only thing that comes to her mind is how much pain it would cause her family. Not that she wants to live because of the happy times with her family, although there may be some of that too, but the main reason being the obligation to live in misery so that the people around you don't suffer. That's it. That's why you keep living. Not because the pain is any more bearable. Not because you want to get to the end of the dark tunnel you feel stuck in as though the feeling will pass so just "hang in there kiddo. It gets better." No, that implies you have any hope that your heart will see the sun again. The only reason you keep living is to avoid being an inconvenience to those around you. Of course you love them but why should you have to suffer just so they don't feel sad. Is it truly so wrong to "cure" yourself of this plague that haunts you every day?
I'd say yeah it is wrong, but it's not that simple. To help someone hold on just a little bit longer when it feels like a demon is reaching into their stomach and tearing their organs apart every day is so difficult. That pain is so strong they want to puke but can't. That would be too easy. That pain would never be so accomodating as to give their body respite from it. It refuses to leave. You have to fight so hard to get it out: find a support system, take the right pills every day, maintain physical fitness to get those endorphines going, force yourself to get out of bed, get dressed in outdoor clothes to feel more alive even when you don't have anywhere to go that day, force yourself to go outside for a bit; what feels like a never ending list of chores to do just so you can feel marginally better.
Do we have a right to demand the people going through that to "just keep swimming." They're cramping, they're practically drowning with no shore in sight. When will they finally see land again let alone get to it. Isn't it cruel to ask these people to fight on just so we don't have to feel sad? We can justify assisted-suicide when a medical patient has no chance of surviving and keeping them alive as their body is slowly falling apart is causing them horrific pain. If we do that for physical ailments - why not do it for mental health ones?
I don't believe that's the correct choice either. I'm just posing the question, not advocating it be done. Saving someone from the agony that is a breakdown of their will to live. A complete loss of hope. A shattering of their soul. Mental anguish that manifest itself into immense physical pain. It's rough as hell. How selfish of us. That said, sometimes being selfish is necessary for survival. For our own survival and the survival of those around us. No matter how much pain it may cause them. It is unavoidable and necessary. Necessary to tell them, "I want you to keep living even though it's selfish of me to ask that of you. You matter to me. I care about you and that has to mean something to you, to us. Tell me when it hurts so I can hold your hand and let you squeeze to help you bare pain. Don't give up. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere! If you're drowning, I'll be your life-jacket and keep you at the surface. So let's hold on a little longer. One day at a time."
Now that's all good and well but would it really help kasumi to hear that from her family? Or would it add yet another weight onto her, dragging her deeper into the abyss?
I don't know the best way to help kasumi. But maybe we don't have to know the right words to say and the right things to do. Maybe just being there without saying anything at all is enough. As long as they feel that your presence helps silently lift some of the weight off. Maybe that's enough. Just being with her beloved seems to be working for her. For now. Kasumi definitely needs to find a road to closure still and I have a feeling her onee-sama will be there to help her brave that road.
God this really hit me right in the soul. I don't know anyone personally that ended their life, but I do know someone who suffers the way kasumi does. It's rough T_T
I could use a drink after this chapter
I'd say yeah it is wrong, but it's not that simple. To help someone hold on just a little bit longer when it feels like a demon is reaching into their stomach and tearing their organs apart every day is so difficult. That pain is so strong they want to puke but can't. That would be too easy. That pain would never be so accomodating as to give their body respite from it. It refuses to leave. You have to fight so hard to get it out: find a support system, take the right pills every day, maintain physical fitness to get those endorphines going, force yourself to get out of bed, get dressed in outdoor clothes to feel more alive even when you don't have anywhere to go that day, force yourself to go outside for a bit; what feels like a never ending list of chores to do just so you can feel marginally better.
Do we have a right to demand the people going through that to "just keep swimming." They're cramping, they're practically drowning with no shore in sight. When will they finally see land again let alone get to it. Isn't it cruel to ask these people to fight on just so we don't have to feel sad? We can justify assisted-suicide when a medical patient has no chance of surviving and keeping them alive as their body is slowly falling apart is causing them horrific pain. If we do that for physical ailments - why not do it for mental health ones?
I don't believe that's the correct choice either. I'm just posing the question, not advocating it be done. Saving someone from the agony that is a breakdown of their will to live. A complete loss of hope. A shattering of their soul. Mental anguish that manifest itself into immense physical pain. It's rough as hell. How selfish of us. That said, sometimes being selfish is necessary for survival. For our own survival and the survival of those around us. No matter how much pain it may cause them. It is unavoidable and necessary. Necessary to tell them, "I want you to keep living even though it's selfish of me to ask that of you. You matter to me. I care about you and that has to mean something to you, to us. Tell me when it hurts so I can hold your hand and let you squeeze to help you bare pain. Don't give up. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere! If you're drowning, I'll be your life-jacket and keep you at the surface. So let's hold on a little longer. One day at a time."
Now that's all good and well but would it really help kasumi to hear that from her family? Or would it add yet another weight onto her, dragging her deeper into the abyss?
I don't know the best way to help kasumi. But maybe we don't have to know the right words to say and the right things to do. Maybe just being there without saying anything at all is enough. As long as they feel that your presence helps silently lift some of the weight off. Maybe that's enough. Just being with her beloved seems to be working for her. For now. Kasumi definitely needs to find a road to closure still and I have a feeling her onee-sama will be there to help her brave that road.
God this really hit me right in the soul. I don't know anyone personally that ended their life, but I do know someone who suffers the way kasumi does. It's rough T_T
I could use a drink after this chapter
Last edited:
Yeah that was heavy but beautifully handled. Kasumi's still on the edge and a bit too dependent on Haruyo for her mental well-being... but those injuries take long to heal. She's not alone, her perspective is shifting, and maybe soon she'll be able to stand there by herself without seeing the fall as desirable.
Thanks for the chapter and the translation notes. Beautiful imagery again. I love this manga.
Thanks for the chapter and the translation notes. Beautiful imagery again. I love this manga.
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Wow what a few chapters of discovery.
Kasumi's attempt? (I'm not sure if call it a full attempt here it seems more like something done out of curiosity) was haunting, and worse than that I feel like Kasumi's shackles are the kind that are socially conscious enough that getting help won't actually help. She'll hide away her pain for the sake of others. She might even hide from counsellors and therapists.
I can't help but feel like Haruyo is an important piece of Kasumi's life, but almost too important; too foundational to Kasumi's sense of self worth. It makes me remember that Kasumi views herself as tainted when trying to give up Haruyo to Sayori.
I worry that anything that disturbs the equilibrium her and Haribo share will send Kasumi spiralling because her sense of self worth is external to herself. Having anything happen to that and it's be like taking out a supporting wall in a house, the whole structure might come down, or just a part, or it might crack slightly.
And if Kasumi does end up ultimately following through in the case of.ultimate collapse following a tragedy? In this story about cycles and chains of letters, what would happen to Haruyo?
Kasumi's attempt? (I'm not sure if call it a full attempt here it seems more like something done out of curiosity) was haunting, and worse than that I feel like Kasumi's shackles are the kind that are socially conscious enough that getting help won't actually help. She'll hide away her pain for the sake of others. She might even hide from counsellors and therapists.
I can't help but feel like Haruyo is an important piece of Kasumi's life, but almost too important; too foundational to Kasumi's sense of self worth. It makes me remember that Kasumi views herself as tainted when trying to give up Haruyo to Sayori.
I worry that anything that disturbs the equilibrium her and Haribo share will send Kasumi spiralling because her sense of self worth is external to herself. Having anything happen to that and it's be like taking out a supporting wall in a house, the whole structure might come down, or just a part, or it might crack slightly.
And if Kasumi does end up ultimately following through in the case of.ultimate collapse following a tragedy? In this story about cycles and chains of letters, what would happen to Haruyo?
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Remember when this was a corny story?
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