considering this is a newbie's work, not bad dude. everything looks neat, you did not make the rookie mistake of using thick blocky fonts that eat up space and look hideous, you did not use weird fonts that are hard to read, the texts are centered properly, and most importantly they make sense. 9/10 from me. my only issue is your font choice since it's rather thin. usually for manga most ppl use Wild Words as their font btw. have actually seen a couple fonts that are good for manga but i don't know what they're called.
if you're not sure what you translated is right, get a proofreader (like me, but please don't get me. i want to enjoy my holiday lol. V aint gonna level herself up).