Hokuo Kizoku to Moukinzuma no Yukiguni Karigurashi - Vol. 4 Ch. 34
- Thread starter MangaDex
- Start date
Member
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2020
- Messages
- 193
Poor Ritz! He really is too soft to deal with those drunkards 🤕
A short rant on translation. Feel free to ignore.
I get that this is translated literally, and I know that some people prefer that. I don't, and I wish it sounded more like how people speak.
There's a lot of ways to adapt english speech to writing. From understated dialogue like Mamet to epic dialogue like Tolkein, but none sounds like this. Rather than belabor the point, I'll just give a small sample of what I mean. Take page 4. Here's the original:
Child: Uncle, are you some great person?
Mother: Hey, stop it.
Mother: I'm sorry, it's a different look to the people around here...
Hermann: No, I'm an ordinary uncle.
So, here's my thoughts. For context, I don't speak japanese and I've never been involved in translation work.
The child's line: This is likely "Oji-san," which in japanese can literally mean "Uncle." But Uncle in english simply isn't used that way. Oji-san is used generically to mean "older man." He also asks if Hermann is "Some great person," which I said out loud a few times to test and doesn't really work for me as dialogue, especially child dialogue. Given the speaker, I'd try this line as:
Child: Mister, are you a bigshot?
I'm not in love with "Bigshot." "Are you important" would be more faithful but is phrased awkwardly, especially for (again) a child's mouth. Regardless, I dislike the use of "Uncle" here.
The mother's lines: I don't love "hey;" taking such a casual tone when disciplining her child contrasts with her formal tone when speaking to Hermann. That's a preference thing, and I get that. Since she's trying to be proper in public, I'd try to adapt her chiding to her child to reflect somebody gentle yet firm. "Hey, stop it" seems like something you yell at a malicious act to me, not an ignorant one.
Her second line is more egregious. "It's a different look to the people around here" isn't how people speak to the point where it's not grammatically correct. "To" is the wrong preposition here. I can figure out what's meant, but it's not how anybody would say it. With those said, here's what I'd try:
Mother: Ssh, don't be rude.
You could take a lot of approaches with this line. This is more or less accurate to the original meaning (assuming that the original line translates to "Hey, stop it") and still sounds like something a gentle mother would say to her child in front of somebody important.
Mother: I'm sorry, you just stand out around here.
Again, many approaches. For a higher degree of interpretation: "I'm sorry. He hasn't met many people with black hair."
Hermann's line: As a callback to the child's line, writing this might depend on what you decided to do up there. But just to massage it into a more natural vernacular, here's two approaches, one more interpretive:
Hermann: No, I'm nobody important.
Hermann: No bigshot, just a man headed to work.
Once again, I'm not a translator and I'm getting this stuff for free. I enjoy it! I'm happy that it's being made. I just wish it sounded more like how people speak.
There's a lot of ways to adapt english speech to writing. From understated dialogue like Mamet to epic dialogue like Tolkein, but none sounds like this. Rather than belabor the point, I'll just give a small sample of what I mean. Take page 4. Here's the original:
Child: Uncle, are you some great person?
Mother: Hey, stop it.
Mother: I'm sorry, it's a different look to the people around here...
Hermann: No, I'm an ordinary uncle.
So, here's my thoughts. For context, I don't speak japanese and I've never been involved in translation work.
The child's line: This is likely "Oji-san," which in japanese can literally mean "Uncle." But Uncle in english simply isn't used that way. Oji-san is used generically to mean "older man." He also asks if Hermann is "Some great person," which I said out loud a few times to test and doesn't really work for me as dialogue, especially child dialogue. Given the speaker, I'd try this line as:
Child: Mister, are you a bigshot?
I'm not in love with "Bigshot." "Are you important" would be more faithful but is phrased awkwardly, especially for (again) a child's mouth. Regardless, I dislike the use of "Uncle" here.
The mother's lines: I don't love "hey;" taking such a casual tone when disciplining her child contrasts with her formal tone when speaking to Hermann. That's a preference thing, and I get that. Since she's trying to be proper in public, I'd try to adapt her chiding to her child to reflect somebody gentle yet firm. "Hey, stop it" seems like something you yell at a malicious act to me, not an ignorant one.
Her second line is more egregious. "It's a different look to the people around here" isn't how people speak to the point where it's not grammatically correct. "To" is the wrong preposition here. I can figure out what's meant, but it's not how anybody would say it. With those said, here's what I'd try:
Mother: Ssh, don't be rude.
You could take a lot of approaches with this line. This is more or less accurate to the original meaning (assuming that the original line translates to "Hey, stop it") and still sounds like something a gentle mother would say to her child in front of somebody important.
Mother: I'm sorry, you just stand out around here.
Again, many approaches. For a higher degree of interpretation: "I'm sorry. He hasn't met many people with black hair."
Hermann's line: As a callback to the child's line, writing this might depend on what you decided to do up there. But just to massage it into a more natural vernacular, here's two approaches, one more interpretive:
Hermann: No, I'm nobody important.
Hermann: No bigshot, just a man headed to work.
Once again, I'm not a translator and I'm getting this stuff for free. I enjoy it! I'm happy that it's being made. I just wish it sounded more like how people speak.
Dex-chan lover
- Joined
- Jan 18, 2018
- Messages
- 1,236
It's a nice touch to see Ritz doing a bit of PDA.
Also, @bekeleven, you have a good point. The translator probably needs more time to edit or have an editor look over the translation. There's also cases where English isn't the first language so adapting to our speech can be difficult. I want it to be better for sure, but that seems to be a luxury.
Also, @bekeleven, you have a good point. The translator probably needs more time to edit or have an editor look over the translation. There's also cases where English isn't the first language so adapting to our speech can be difficult. I want it to be better for sure, but that seems to be a luxury.
Dex-chan lover
- Joined
- Oct 16, 2018
- Messages
- 446
I guess we'll see Texas soon
Contributor
- Joined
- Jan 20, 2018
- Messages
- 79
FUCK 'EM UP SIEG!
Dex-chan lover
- Joined
- Jan 18, 2018
- Messages
- 16,902
Yeah, Ritz is a bit of a loser specifically when dealing with people like that. I do understand where he's coming from, though. There are lots of people in the world who are good and inspiring leaders when those under them do what they are supposed to do. However, when there are troublemakers present, such otherwise fine leaders might suddenly become helpless. Obviously what Ritz is doing isn't the correct way of dealing with those useless soldiers, but for some reason he's lacking the resources and will to deal with them one way or another.
Hopefully the new commander, who has experienced being wrongfully judged and thrown to the wolves due to politics, will put those waste-of-skin soldiers through a grinder. Otherwise Sieg might shoot them, haha.
Hopefully the new commander, who has experienced being wrongfully judged and thrown to the wolves due to politics, will put those waste-of-skin soldiers through a grinder. Otherwise Sieg might shoot them, haha.
Active member
- Joined
- May 22, 2020
- Messages
- 1,833
oh no wifey is mad
Dex-chan lover
- Joined
- Jul 7, 2023
- Messages
- 87
revontulet means northern lights in Finnish
Similar threads
