Imasara desu ga, Osananajimi wo Suki ni Natte Shimaimashita - Ch. 41 - Everything, Falling Apart
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It would be a valid comment, if we didn't know what happened to both of them. HIKARI was the same and wasn't influenced by YAMII. But YUU lost her virginity.
He loses his virginity either with a random woman he won't see again or with his crush, from that moment on he enters another phase in his personal life.
YUU was innocent (when YUU was in bed and didn't know what to do with YAMI) whoever has been through this knows how first times work.
Even though he wasn't emotionally mature, he went through the physical experience of the relationship with two people.
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"Yuu didn't do anything wrong" head-ass. Mf didn't even try getting with Hikari before being easily seduced by some girl sitting ON THE SIDE OF THE STREET.
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Hikari is just seeking some clarity & authenticity in this fleeting moment and Yami goes on about “bind him with your body”, like wtf bitch? Can’t you just admit your sins and be honest for once in your life?
I mean, why not? The sooner she removes herself from this shitshow the better lol
Girl needs to find a healthy relationship, friendship and romantic.
"I have no plan from here" well it was good while it lasted, I guess. We've seen this before, a thousand times over. I would really prefer the author just take a hiatus to actually plan it out.Wow… just wow. So Yami really saw Hikari standing at the door and still went ahead and kissed Yuu. I’ve always had one of the lowest possible opinions of Yami, and yet I defended her—because that moment at the end of chapter 40 felt more like an after-the-fact narration than a clear admission that she saw Hikari there. And also because I genuinely didn’t think she was someone capable of doing something like that to her “best friend.” But boy, was I wrong... Yami is just an awful human being. And the things she said to Hikari when Hikari gave her a chance to be honest… wow.
If Hikari ever forgives Yami—first, that would be surreal and hard to believe. And second, I’ll be extremely disappointed in Hikari.
Here is an MTL of the novel chapter:
Episode 41: Everything Falls Apart
Late September, Saturday.
A night ruled by rain and darkness,
a night where it feels like everyone is crying.
Haru: “Aya, what should we do?! Hikari’s gone!”
Haru: “She suddenly snapped, dumped her boyfriend, and stormed out of the gym!”
Yami: “It’s okay, I found her. I’ll take her home. You two go on ahead.”
Yami: “I already let Haru know.”
Hikari: “……”
It was just before 8 p.m., after the after-party had ended.
A frantic LINE message from Haru arrived—not in the usual group chat, maybe because she was being considerate, but sent directly to me. I left the classroom to help search for Hikari, about five minutes ago.
And the moment I opened the door,
and saw her standing there, soaking wet—
that’s when I truly realized the weight of what I had done.
Yami: “Here, dry off properly. You’ll catch a cold.”
Hikari didn’t say a word.
With my towel draped over her head, her face was hidden.
But even without seeing her expression,
I could tell exactly what she was thinking.
That this—
all of this was the consequence of what I had done.
That I hadn’t just hurt Yuu…
I had hurt Hikari too.
When Yuu ran out of this classroom in tears,
I suddenly regained my composure—
and was hit with overwhelming regret.
I had done something I absolutely shouldn’t have.
And worse, Hikari had seen it.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Why did I go through with it,
even after I realized Hikari was right there?
No…
Was it because she was there that I went through with it?
If that’s the case, then seriously… what is wrong with me?
Yami: “I’ll call a taxi once you’ve calmed down. Until then, take your time and rest, okay?”
I could tell how forced and hollow my voice sounded.
Because deep down, I knew—this was all just a lie.
I knew how awful this was.
Everything I’m doing… it’s so disgusting.
I betrayed Hikari,
and I know she knows.
I know she knows—
and yet here I am, still trying to act like her friend.
But… if she’s willing to accept how things are now—
if she’ll pretend nothing happened and keep being my friend…
Then I swear, I’ll stop this.
I’ll pretend nothing ever happened,
I’ll never see Yuu again.
Just like before, I’ll support Hikari’s love.
But I won’t interfere. Not at all.
So please… forgive me, Hikari.
Smile like you always do,
and say, “Let’s go home, Aya-chan,”
just like you always do.
Hikari: “Hey, Aya-chan?”
Yami: “Hmm? What is it?”
But the first words Hikari said since coming in were—
Hikari: “…Have you been in this classroom ever since that kiss…?”
Yami: “…Ah—”
With just that,
she gently but firmly crushed the hope
I had clung to so selfishly.
……
……
Yami: “Uh, ah…”
Hikari: “……”
I don’t know how many seconds passed in that heavy silence.
You always hear people say “a few seconds that felt like years”—
yeah, it was exactly like that.
Yami: “Th-that guy… he’s just…”
Hikari: “Yeah…”
But no matter how long we sat in silence,
nothing was going to change for Hikari.
If I wanted her to be her bright, sunny self again,
I had to do something.
Yami: “He’s… just some old hookup of mine.”
Hikari: “—!?”
…And yet, what the hell is wrong with me today?
Yami: “Remember how I used to talk about all the guys I cycled through last year? He was one of them. We ran into each other by chance and I only just remembered his face.”
Confessing that he was a past hookup
in a dark, empty classroom at night…
And the worst part? It’s all lies.
Yami: “I mean, seriously, I don’t like him or anything! Not now, not ever!”
This is all just total, utter nonsense.
Yami: “I’m really sorry! My bad habit from back then just slipped out again…”
Well… I guess that part’s not a lie.
That old, awful habit—
the “lying bitch” part of me—is definitely rearing its head again.
Yami: “…So please, forgive me, Hikari.”
Even so…
this is all I’ve got left to lean on now.
Because there’s no going back to Yuu.
But with Hikari…
maybe I still have a chance.
If that’s the case,
then why the hell did I do something like that…?
……
……
Hikari: “Hey, Aya-chan.”
Yami: “H-Hikari…?”
After what felt like several years’ worth of silence packed into just a few seconds,
Hikari finally spoke.
Hikari: “I know you're not that kind of person, Aya-chan.”
Yami: “No, that’s not—”
Hikari: “Even before we met, I know you were always a kind girl.”
Yami: “That’s not true…”
Her words sounded so gentle and sincere—
but in reality, Hikari was carefully closing off every possible escape route I had.
Hikari: “So you don’t have to act so guilty. You could just own it… So why are you apologizing so much?”
Yami: “Because… because I messed around with your boyfriend…”
Hikari: “Don’t talk about Ta-kun like that. Don’t make him sound like a joke.”
Yami: “…”
No, this wasn’t gentle anymore.
Hikari: “A guy doesn’t go that far with a girl unless there are real feelings involved.”
Her tone was calm.
Her face still downcast, hidden beneath her hair.
Hikari: “So that means there were real feelings involved… between you and Ta-kun.”
Yami: “There weren’t any!”
And just like that—
I nearly blurted out the wrong answer to a trap question.
Yami: “There weren’t, I’m telling you…”
I almost raised my voice, but held it in, barely.
Yami: “It was just… just fooling around, that’s all…”
What Hikari was trying to confirm,
what she was trying to ask me—
there was no way I could be honest about it.
Hikari: “Why lie…? No… I get it. I know why you’re lying, Aya-chan.”
Even if Hikari already knew.
Even if she saw through everything from the start…
Hikari: “You’re lying for my sake, right? So I don’t get hurt… you’re covering up what really happened between you and him.”
Yami: “I’m not covering anything… He’s nothing special. Just a lame guy, that’s all.”
Even so—
I had no choice but to keep lying.
Yami: “I mean, come on… the only reason you fell for him in the first place was because he got better in bed after sleeping with me, right?”
Hikari: “Wh—?!”
Even if it meant demeaning
the first boy she ever truly loved,
the one she gave her whole heart and body to.
Even if shame and disgust
shook me to my very core…
Yami: “If he’d stayed the clueless virgin he was, you never would’ve even looked his way. He would’ve stayed just some loser.”
But still… I was wrong.
Everything I did—was a mistake.
Yami: “You should be thanking me, honestly…”
Hikari: “Don’t talk down about my childhood friend like that!”
Hikari’s face in front of me was a mess—
rage, sorrow, and confusion swirling together chaotically.
Hikari: “Just stop already… Stop lying like that. Stop hurting yourself, too…”
This might be it.
I might really lose her.
I might be alone again.
Hikari: “The truth is… you still haven’t gotten over Ta-kun, have you?”
What is she even talking about…?
I don’t care about Ta-kun.
The one I care about—the one I know—is Yuu.
Get it right.
No. Wait. Don’t snap at her, damn it.
This is Hikari.
She’s the one who saved me.
She’s my best friend… someone I love so much.
So please, let’s stop this.
I’ll do anything. I’ll beg on my knees, fake-cry if I have to—
I’ll erase everything that happened.
Because I don’t want to lose Hikari too…
Hikari: “You love him, don’t you…?!”
Yami: “If you’re scared of losing him, just tie him down with your body! You idiooooooot!!”
Author’s post on X:
Also, there was a post on the manga’s official X account announcing a hiatus:
Thanks for the chapter!
I don't think she did that because of Hikari watching, I think she did it mainly because it was Yuu, while the former part was just an additional weight. I know she is questioning this part herself in this chapter, but people seem to think she did it solely to spite Hikari.
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I think she did it to push Hikari away/test Hikari rather than spite, but I agree that she also did it b/c she's still in love with Yuu. Which is what I think Hikari is basically saying in this chapter - Aya chose this very messed up method to communicate to Hikari (and Yuu) that Aya is still in love w/ Yuu. All the things can be true - Aya is choosing this method to give Hikari an easy out (b/c Aya is being awful) & the easy out means Hikari would be rejecting Aya for the lies rather than the real person. It's a way to have the truth out there while also evading actual vulnerability.
ETA, which yeah right, Yuu basically took the easy out here of she's being awful so he's gonna dip instead of confronting her like Hikari is. Which I don't judge him for - like if he doesn't want a relationship w/ her, he shouldn't force one for the sake of being nice. But that's also what Aya is reading in his "let's keep in touch" b/c he's not confronting her.
Better watch out saying such true things, people really don't like it when someone stands up for themselves and refuses to stay a doormat. Incoming rant, because I'm in a mood today.
I have a ton of sympathy for Yami. I understand on a deeply personal level the impact of a troubled home life. I also understand it's not anyone else's responsibility to deal with my problems but mine, and that people don't have to have infinite patience for me. Her troubled past makes her present actions forgivable. I'm also willing to cut Yuu some slack. He's literally a kid still, so him not thinking past his lust is ultimately forgivable, too.
But that just means they are forgivable. It doesn't magically mean they didn't hurt Hikari or do something wrong. If they had done nothing wrong at all, forgiveness wouldn't even be in the equation. The fact that you need to be forgiven means you did something wrong.
I can forgive you for treating me wrong if you had an understandable reason to do it. But all that means is that I'll consider you a normal person instead of some cartoonishly evil asshole. That doesn't guarantee you access to me, especially not access on your terms. We're all allowed to have lines that people can't cross, and we don't have to put up with people crossing them even if we can understand why they did it. An explanation is not a justification, and you don't have to accept being hurt simply because the person can offer an explanation for why they did it.
If you treat me wrong in a way I can forgive but you crossed a line doing it, we're not friends anymore. Maybe we can be again at some point in the future, but it's going to be a new relationship. It won't operate on the same understanding or context. You don't get to treat me as though nothing ever happened. I can forgive you, but if you don't change then we're not a thing anymore. Simple as that.
As far as I'm concerned, the fact that Hikari still clearly cares about Yami and Yuu and is just trying to get Yami to be honest with herself while being so completely understanding and evne defending Yuu, when Hikari has every right to be mad enough to break off contact completely, just means she's some kind of super hero. Like, it's almost unbelievable how much grace she's giving them. But they are her friends, and sweet girls like Hikari do exist in the world.
That's the end of my rant.
Yeah I swearrrr hell nahhh Hikari needs to find someone else
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Same thing w/ Yuu. Like she also just wants him to be honest with himself and her. Like even w/ how angry she is at him, she still tries to reassure him/boost his confidence by telling him that she liked him and that she also struggled with confessing and that he shouldn't think so low of himself.
Can't say that yet maybe or maybe not we'll find out in the future chapts stay tuned till the next one
I agree with most of what you said (or at least think it might be true), but I don't think the "keep in touch" thing was the one that triggered her. I don't believe she thought of his attitude as of courtesy or being nice, it's more of a "he tried but accepted the rejection and didn't push further", which is the same as their break up, except this time he was facing her.
I am confused about what kind of point you are trying to make. So you agree with the notion that she needs to "remove herself from the shitshow" as means of standing up for herself and not being a doormat, but then you say that not removing herself from the shitshow is her being a super hero? So hero = doormat or what?
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I agree that I don't think it triggered her, what I meant is I think close to what you're getting at here. To Aya
it was probably confirmation of what she'd accused him of - what I meant by nice is going through the motions of offering to keep in touch, but not caring all that strongly if they do.
To be fair to Yuu, I think he was genuine in his offer and this was mostly communication style mismatch/immaturity/inexperience.
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Ok i might have missed something, where does it say that he didnt try getting with hikari?
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