Meguro-san wa Hajimete ja Nai - Vol. 9 Ch. 65.5 - Ought to make him unhappy

[MangaDex]

 

[RolandMayfield]

Thanks for the chapter!

 

[pluki7]

This is heavy stuff.

 

[idgi]

I guess these two have their own meaning of "love" between them. As long as both are happy, I guess there really isn't anything you could say.

 

[yummyyummy]

that insight into her mind, especially the second to last page, was some of the most vivid story telling ive ever seen. i think what she feels is almost love, or maybe it is and she just feels is in a different way than the rest of us. but ill be damned if its not amazingly written.

 

[ciera]

Thank you

 

[Grrmen]

I like this side story. I think it summarizes the arc nicely and reinforces my thoughts. Ricchan doesn't feel the same intense emotional love like other people. She does enjoy the attention of Gin, but does feel guilty that her emotions aren't at the same level though. She's acting cold, but I think part of it is that she is lying to herself because she thinks her limited feeling of love isn't valid.

 

[mayu_hojo]

chapters like these really do make me believe fujii is aromantic, and meguro being asexual

happy pride month y'all

 

[ConfusedYesMan]

If I had to guess about Ricchan, she doesn't seem to feel any concept of romantic or sexual love and it's probably indistinguishable from platonic love. But she's also not repelled by romance or sex and is probably indifferent more than anything else since her reason for wanting to break up is that she didn't see it as a "proper" romantic relationship.

She clearly cares about Gin as a person and as a friend but without any additional feelings of attraction. It's the difference between specifically saying someone is not a lover and not having the concept of a lover to begin with.

It's notable how well this manga captured the feeling of not feeling attraction. The feelings of frustration and confusion you can feel trying to understand everyone or feeling patronized by them expecting you to feel the same way. "annoyed by his correctness" and "We don't need to think the same, to do the same things and feel good together." are extremely familiar feelings for me.

 

[Kuraiaku]

So I think the point is, Ricchan is laid-back and didn't have too many emotional up and down compared to other people, and while seeing other people being visibly happy she's confused that she cannot be like that. She's content with her life but cannot express it in a clearly visible way, and it bothers her. But she now probably think it's ok being that way, which is good.

 

[Mashii52]

Man chapters like this make me hate the people who gave this series a 1 just because of the premise...
This shit is so good holy

 

[pip25]

So I think the point is, Ricchan is laid-back and didn't have too many emotional up and down compared to other people, and while seeing other people being visibly happy she's confused that she cannot be like that. She's content with her life but cannot express it in a clearly visible way, and it bothers her. But she now probably think it's ok being that way, which is good.

This, so very much. If this chapter showed anything, it's that Ricchan doesn't display much emotion (except maybe annoyance) in general. It's not just about love, it's just that the dissonance with what she sees around her is the biggest when it comes to romance.

 

[Drett]

chapters like these really do make me believe fujii is aromantic, and meguro being asexual

I really like that this manga is really exploring what constitutes an "intimate relationship". I don't know how in the know the author is about the discourse, but it's really cool to see more explorations of hetero and allo-normativity in Manga.

 

[Tuddle_10265l]

glad i accidentally found this series

 

[yetanothergeek]

Great chapter, I do hope the people that were hating on chapter 65 get to read this one, it does makes things much more clear to readers.

 

[Rogojinen]

I'm still so confused on what to think about this whole affair, but I do appreciate the nuance added and the thought put into it. I think I'm simply always unsatisfied with stories when there's no resolution.

I still think she should have gotten through with the break-up. On one hand, it's great that they're embracing their bond and confusion, but I still think they're falling for labels that don't fit them. They're friends. They love each other, care for one another, but they're only friends. So they shouldn't call one another what they aren't, gf and bf, and sure as hell not leaving marriage up in the air.

You either have it or you don't. You either feel it or you don't. You either know it, or you don't. And she knows she's not feeling the same. Just going along with the flow because it doesn't bother her, is exactly where we found Meguro at first.

I think it's possible that she is aromantic, and I hope she's now at the stage where she can question if that's an identity fitting her. But I think young people especially are liable to fall prey to notions and pressure put on us by the media we're flooded with. There's so many about romance that have no basis in reality yet we grow up not knowing any better and wondering what's wrong with us if we don't feel what's depicted, if what we live is 'It' if it doesn't seem as strong and earth-shattering as in that one love story.

And that's without considering the guy who's a dumbass who would be happier if he didn't latch on to her. There's an unbalance here that's not healthy for both and it won't go away as long as they insist on playing house.

If they were people I knew, I would advise them to stay single for a while and see how they fare. Then to meet other people. And I bet the guy would forget his one-sided feelings for her once he experiences shared ones, and real intimacy — because she hid her real feelings for ages before coming clean. And maybe she would feel something with someone else, or on the contrary see that it's unlikely to ever come, or even that she has no desire to even try and she's perfectly fine single.

Anyways I love this story. This is the good stuff! Relationships are fascinating and a lot of mangas, well, shonens are robbing themselves of nuanced characters portrayals by never going through that stage and using romance as flavor instead of a dish.

 

[pip25]

You either have it or you don't. You either feel it or you don't. You either know it, or you don't. And she knows she's not feeling the same. Just going along with the flow because it doesn't bother her, is exactly where we found Meguro at first.

I think it's exactly this "labelling" that often does more harm than good. Feelings, heck, even food preferences or sexual orientation are not binary, "either/or" topics. They're almost always in a spectrum. There are many ways to love another, just like there are many ways you can dislike someone's company. Having some kind of "definition" for what constitutes the feeling of love only leads to the same problem you describe below:

I think it's possible that she is aromantic, and I hope she's now at the stage where she can question if that's an identity fitting her. But I think young people especially are liable to fall prey to notions and pressure put on us by the media we're flooded with. There's so many about romance that have no basis in reality yet we grow up not knowing any better and wondering what's wrong with us if we don't feel what's depicted, if what we live is 'It' if it doesn't seem as strong and earth-shattering as in that one love story.

The idea of love you mention, as popularized by the media, is yet again another constraining label that fails to take the many variances of real life into account. You don't have "butterflies in your stomach" every time you look at him? You're surely not in love with the guy. You don't understand what's all this fuss with romance is about? You must be aromantic, or in other words physically incapable of romantic attraction. There are people who fit these labels of course, and they certainly have their uses, but they can be just as much of a shackle and a vast oversimplification if we're not careful.

 

[Rogojinen]

I think it's exactly this "labelling" that often does more harm than good. Feelings, heck, even food preferences or sexual orientation are not binary, "either/or" topics. They're almost always in a spectrum. There are many ways to love another, just like there are many ways you can dislike someone's company. Having some kind of "definition" for what constitutes the feeling of love only leads to the same problem you describe below:

Labels are good frameworks to simplify things. Aside from that, yes, mistaking them for absolute laws that suffer no deviation or nuances is reductive and can be harmful. I reread Ch 65 and it reminded me of my problem with this: Rika isn't confused at all. She did state clearly what they were and why they should break up. Gin is her friend, and he would be happier if they stopped pretending they were a couple.
And Gin completely misses the point by trying to frame their relationship with labels and behaviors that don't fit. He says he wants to be the closest one to Rika so that he can take care of her, but he doesn't need to be her boyfriend or husband to do that.

Shameful reference, but just like in Grey's Anatomy, he can simply be her person. Like Cristina is Meredith's person! Even if Derek was the love of her life, Cristina is the one she trusts the most in all things, she's her best friend. And it makes sense, there are friendships that deep, going pretty much above and beyond filial and romantic love. So much so that if a love interest makes the mistake to ask them to choose between them and that friend? It's that friend that's going to be picked, the one that's been there for them for decades, through thick and thin.

If Gin really cared that much about Rika, he wouldn't have stayed around hoping that she would change her mind at some point. That was selfish of him. He got to hold her hand, go on dates, kiss and fuck her, all that helping to sell his delusion.
If he wants to 'marry her as a friend', meaning sticking around all their lives as friends, he needs to stop hogging the partner seat, and vice versa. Friends see partners come and go in their friends' lives like a carousel, but they're a constant. His childish proposal is just him bargaining and wanting to stay in denial about the true nature of their relationship, when it's clear now for Rika.
And finally, I'll say that I'm never a fan of long-winded promises and faraway deadlines. It's usually framed as romantic but it's so strange to depict people being able to be kept in stasis for years instead of getting a resolution now.

 

[the_legendary_klobb]

So I think the point is, Ricchan is laid-back and didn't have too many emotional up and down compared to other people, and while seeing other people being visibly happy she's confused that she cannot be like that. She's content with her life but cannot express it in a clearly visible way, and it bothers her. But she now probably think it's ok being that way, which is good.

In short, she's overthinking it. Looked from afar, I would call "love" what she feels for Gin. She's just not really expressive, but all this overthinking about their future and the desire to not hurt him or make him sad, shows that she cares deeply about him. That goes way past friendship in my opinion. Also, you don't go out, kiss or have sex with a friend just because...

 

[JoJoBar]

what i get since the chap earlier and this one is that, they're that one inseparable duo of best buds, they're somewhat always together and seems like they'll always be..... til death do em apart
(imma be very honest, im a lazy motherfucker, if i could just be my best friend's househusband ((glorified freeloader)) then i'll do it but eh, i don't think that how shit works so guess i'll keep on being hoeless until i get one or i just stop being lazy and get productive in life)