Oversimplified SCP - Ch. 9 - The Things Dr Bright Is Not Allowed To Do At The Foundation
- Thread starter MangaDex
- Start date
Supporter
- Joined
- May 12, 2018
- Messages
- 2,959
ok, this one is my favorite BY FAR
Member
- Joined
- Nov 26, 2018
- Messages
- 247
Dr. Bright... Dude... KEEP GOING! I LIKE IT!
Member
- Joined
- Jan 18, 2018
- Messages
- 62
Would probably generate a great deal of Revenue in Japan .......? Seriously, even Japanese accept that their taste is weird
Contributor
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2018
- Messages
- 342
our guy
Dex-chan lover
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2018
- Messages
- 1,956
Dex-chan lover
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2018
- Messages
- 1,043
is that a MOTHERFUCKING JOJOKE?
Dex-chan lover
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2018
- Messages
- 1,379
DADS HOME SCP version
Dex-chan lover
- Joined
- Jul 4, 2018
- Messages
- 5,153
Can he convince SCP-682 to read the Bee Movie script in front of SCP-504 tomatoes?
- Joined
- Jun 24, 2018
- Messages
- 17
found some of my favorites:
39. Chainsaws are not the solution to every question.
Nor is 'More Chainsaws'.
Or "Chainsaw cannons"
Except for that one time. And yes, it was awesome.
71. The Foundation motto is "Secure, Contain, Protect", not any of the following:
"Stab Carrion Powerfully"
"Suck Cock and Penis"
"Let's use it on 682!"
"Throw the cheese!"
"That's it, you're on Keter Duty."
"Can we put it in 914?"
"Blood makes the grass grow, kill, kill, kill!"
"Fuck trees, I climb clouds motherfucker!"
"Someone is getting stabbed."
But some days, it should be.
"Whose hand is that?"
"If all else fails, poop on it."
"If all else fails, there's always the sun."
"We need bigger kittens."
"Society of Creepy Perverts."
"Fuck Death, War, Famine and Pestilence. We've got Clef, Gears, Kondraki and Bright."
"Throw D-Class at it until it stops."
"447 and dead bodies, two great tastes that taste great together."
"The FBI are a bunch of pansies."
"Who wants to see what I can make the president do in public?"
"For the Horde!"
"Science for the Science God!"
"Make sure to wipe your feet on 2558!"
"When in doubt, feed it to 682."
"Slapstick, Clowns and Puns"
"Drop the blanket now!"
"Seduction, Coitus, and Pregnancy"
"We always need more Dakka!"
"Still Alive, and Found the Cake"
"Don't Worry, O5 won't ever figure it out!"
"Will it blend?"
"Commies love us!"
"Snap Crackle and Pop"
"Sex, Cocaine and Powwahh!"
80. Yes, empirical evidence is the foundation of science. Yes, blind faith is the death of reason. No, this does not logically imply that anyone is ethically obligated to demonstrate the existence of breasts under laboratory conditions.
90. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to accept or use the following as payment for bets:
Your soul
Anyone else's soul
Virgin's blood
Reproductive organs
SCPs
Memories (real or imagined)
Pieces of your past I have no idea how that worked with Clef, but apparently he can do it.
The island of Manhattan
Beads
Firstborn children
Second-born children
Red-headed stepchildren
Rented mules
Gold spun from straw
A child's laughter
A child's tears
Virginity
Anal virginity
Aural Virginity
Nasal Virginity (I do NOT want to know)
Navel Virginity (What does this even MEAN?)
Ponies
Anyone's grandmother
Anyone's grandfather
Anyone's sister
Any blood relative
112. Dr. Bright is not allowed to order anyone to infiltrate the women's locker room.
128. The SCP Foundation does not have any such position as "Chief Defenestrator".
Wrong.
Agent Clef is not allowed to create new positions.
136. Dr. Bright possesses the ability of consciousness transfer and the artifact SCP-963. He does not possess any of the following:
"laser" eyes.
"laser" nostrils.
"laser" [REDACTED].
a Green Red ANY Lantern Ring.
an "adamantium" skeleton.
Anduril.
Mjolnir.
a map leading to "ALL OF THE NAZI GOLD".
the "Ancient" medallion.
a copy of the Necronomicon.
A King James version of the Necronomicon.
cybernetic implants of any kind.
the "Dragonzord". I don't care how you did it, put it BACK.
the 7th Element of Harmony.
infallible "gaydar".
infallible "jewdar".
the touch.
the power.
the "secret"
telepathy.
telekinesis.
the original filming model of any fictional spacecraft.
1337 H4x00r sKi11z.
the 6th sense.
The ability to distinguish between butter and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.
216. Although "Secure Contain Protect" is an anagram of "Erotic Teen Cactus Porn", Dr Bright is specifically forbidden to either produce, or arrange to produce, any such material.
259. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to commit "Seppuku."
Even if he has an audience.
Especially a captive one.
295. Dr. Bright is not allowed to tell new Foundation recruits fictional horror stories involving his family.
296. Dr. Bright is not allowed to tell new Foundation recruits factual horror stories involving his family.
39. Chainsaws are not the solution to every question.
Nor is 'More Chainsaws'.
Or "Chainsaw cannons"
Except for that one time. And yes, it was awesome.
71. The Foundation motto is "Secure, Contain, Protect", not any of the following:
"Stab Carrion Powerfully"
"Suck Cock and Penis"
"Let's use it on 682!"
"Throw the cheese!"
"That's it, you're on Keter Duty."
"Can we put it in 914?"
"Blood makes the grass grow, kill, kill, kill!"
"Fuck trees, I climb clouds motherfucker!"
"Someone is getting stabbed."
But some days, it should be.
"Whose hand is that?"
"If all else fails, poop on it."
"If all else fails, there's always the sun."
"We need bigger kittens."
"Society of Creepy Perverts."
"Fuck Death, War, Famine and Pestilence. We've got Clef, Gears, Kondraki and Bright."
"Throw D-Class at it until it stops."
"447 and dead bodies, two great tastes that taste great together."
"The FBI are a bunch of pansies."
"Who wants to see what I can make the president do in public?"
"For the Horde!"
"Science for the Science God!"
"Make sure to wipe your feet on 2558!"
"When in doubt, feed it to 682."
"Slapstick, Clowns and Puns"
"Drop the blanket now!"
"Seduction, Coitus, and Pregnancy"
"We always need more Dakka!"
"Still Alive, and Found the Cake"
"Don't Worry, O5 won't ever figure it out!"
"Will it blend?"
"Commies love us!"
"Snap Crackle and Pop"
"Sex, Cocaine and Powwahh!"
80. Yes, empirical evidence is the foundation of science. Yes, blind faith is the death of reason. No, this does not logically imply that anyone is ethically obligated to demonstrate the existence of breasts under laboratory conditions.
90. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to accept or use the following as payment for bets:
Your soul
Anyone else's soul
Virgin's blood
Reproductive organs
SCPs
Memories (real or imagined)
Pieces of your past I have no idea how that worked with Clef, but apparently he can do it.
The island of Manhattan
Beads
Firstborn children
Second-born children
Red-headed stepchildren
Rented mules
Gold spun from straw
A child's laughter
A child's tears
Virginity
Anal virginity
Aural Virginity
Nasal Virginity (I do NOT want to know)
Navel Virginity (What does this even MEAN?)
Ponies
Anyone's grandmother
Anyone's grandfather
Anyone's sister
Any blood relative
112. Dr. Bright is not allowed to order anyone to infiltrate the women's locker room.
128. The SCP Foundation does not have any such position as "Chief Defenestrator".
Wrong.
Agent Clef is not allowed to create new positions.
136. Dr. Bright possesses the ability of consciousness transfer and the artifact SCP-963. He does not possess any of the following:
"laser" eyes.
"laser" nostrils.
"laser" [REDACTED].
a Green Red ANY Lantern Ring.
an "adamantium" skeleton.
Anduril.
Mjolnir.
a map leading to "ALL OF THE NAZI GOLD".
the "Ancient" medallion.
a copy of the Necronomicon.
A King James version of the Necronomicon.
cybernetic implants of any kind.
the "Dragonzord". I don't care how you did it, put it BACK.
the 7th Element of Harmony.
infallible "gaydar".
infallible "jewdar".
the touch.
the power.
the "secret"
telepathy.
telekinesis.
the original filming model of any fictional spacecraft.
1337 H4x00r sKi11z.
the 6th sense.
The ability to distinguish between butter and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.
216. Although "Secure Contain Protect" is an anagram of "Erotic Teen Cactus Porn", Dr Bright is specifically forbidden to either produce, or arrange to produce, any such material.
259. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to commit "Seppuku."
Even if he has an audience.
Especially a captive one.
295. Dr. Bright is not allowed to tell new Foundation recruits fictional horror stories involving his family.
296. Dr. Bright is not allowed to tell new Foundation recruits factual horror stories involving his family.
