Holy shit, the MC is such a doormat. Yeah yeah, he may had a bad life due to his profession, but dude, despite the handicap you managed to be the champion. You even got the recognition you asked for, when the gladiator girl wanted to fight you once again, she acknowledged your fighting skill. How can a man who achieved much keep having low confidence to the point you're asking "Am I allowed... to make that decision and look forward to the future?"? Dude, you survived hundreds battles alive, how that didn't hardened you.