Dex-chan lover
- Joined
- Jan 18, 2018
- Messages
- 738
This part is a bit stupid.
They are having a duel. In public. And talking aloud - outright yelling at multiple times - about the champion's circumstances: how he was undefeated, how there are 8 super-strong gladiators who could only dream of taking him down and 7 of them are actually still trying to do so, and more importantly how he rigged one match to lose it on purpose.
So everybody around should be made aware of his full set of circumstances.
But this noble comes up and "reveals" that the former champion rigged "matches". (Though it's only one.) Which everybody should have heard right now, with tons of added context. Somehow it seems like nobody heard the two fighters talking despite being right there in the open. They're not in an arena, with distance and noise to mask their conversation. They are right there and everybody is fully attentive to the match.
This is obvious inconsistency, the kind of bad writing symptom that I dislike the most. Particularly when it's so easy to avoid. Stop making characters talk in public or don't make them reveal important elements that you need to keep secret, even for just a few pages more. Just not mentioning the rigged match would have been better, making it borderline ok. (Though knowing that he was truly the undefeated champion he's presented as should already be enough to discredit this talk of rigged matches.)
I understand that these dialogs are useful to build the relationship between these two characters and the MC's personal character arc... but it's breaking the immersion, at least temporarily. The pages of the match don't occur separately from the pages of the "reveal". It's not a different dimension or a little dream the two fighters have. Their public dialog should have consequence, or should not exist at all. Not in this context.
They are having a duel. In public. And talking aloud - outright yelling at multiple times - about the champion's circumstances: how he was undefeated, how there are 8 super-strong gladiators who could only dream of taking him down and 7 of them are actually still trying to do so, and more importantly how he rigged one match to lose it on purpose.
So everybody around should be made aware of his full set of circumstances.
But this noble comes up and "reveals" that the former champion rigged "matches". (Though it's only one.) Which everybody should have heard right now, with tons of added context. Somehow it seems like nobody heard the two fighters talking despite being right there in the open. They're not in an arena, with distance and noise to mask their conversation. They are right there and everybody is fully attentive to the match.
This is obvious inconsistency, the kind of bad writing symptom that I dislike the most. Particularly when it's so easy to avoid. Stop making characters talk in public or don't make them reveal important elements that you need to keep secret, even for just a few pages more. Just not mentioning the rigged match would have been better, making it borderline ok. (Though knowing that he was truly the undefeated champion he's presented as should already be enough to discredit this talk of rigged matches.)
I understand that these dialogs are useful to build the relationship between these two characters and the MC's personal character arc... but it's breaking the immersion, at least temporarily. The pages of the match don't occur separately from the pages of the "reveal". It's not a different dimension or a little dream the two fighters have. Their public dialog should have consequence, or should not exist at all. Not in this context.