Tenshoku no Shinden o Hirakimashita - Vol. 1 Ch. 1

[MangaDex]

 

[Soham24]

WTF?! That magikarp looking monster on pg. 6 looks hilarious!

 

[DANDAN_THE_DANDAN]

Terrible first chapter.

1. They need to visualize how terrible the rats are. Is it a monster even a baby can kill? Is it a beast only the toughest of warriors can defeat? Got your answer? Then show it to us, don't tell. The chapter was trying to create some sort of urgency without properly setting it up which makes it seem like noise. This is also not relevant to the story at all, if you remove the part about the rats suddenly attacking then would the story be affected? No? Then remove it, it's just noise and dampens the pacing.
2. Worldbuilding has all been told rather than shown. Is the church greedy? Show us church members being greedy. Is there a class divide between specialized jobs and villagers? Then show class discrimination.
3. All characters seem so paper thin. Even at the beginning of the story, it's not hard to create 3 dimensional characters. These are just boring self-inserts which make it even worst. The point of a self-insert is to more easily slide into the role of MC to dive into the world and interact with the other characters. This world shows zero potential by the end of the chapter and the other characters also have zero personality.
4. There is absolutely zero hook before inciting the conflict. The conflict isn't even brought up by the MC, the prince brought it to him. That is a passive character and the MC is something you want anything but passive. And as for the hook, at least explain the flaw of the world just beyond "greed and class discrimination" - which the first chapter didn't even show. No hooks = no readers.
5. The manga art is just so generic. It's not memorable at all. It seems like an amateur did it.

 

[Ghajik]

@DANDAN_THE_DANDAN you just told what I had in my mind, it feels so fake and we weren't even introduced to the plot and drama gets played in.

 

[olbi4]

It feel.like there are some unfinished sentences

 

[CommieJohnTeh]

Only one chapter in, and he's already embroiled in the isekai politics. Oh joy. Press F for Kaname

 

[Kanami-chan]

what urged someone to create trash like this?

 

[Locke_Smithy]

Yo, im already HOOKED by the idea of it all XD

 

[justforthelulz]

The Job Change ability piqued my interest, but as others have said, the execution is far from great.
A tentative follow for now, but dropping if it doesn't keep my attention.

 

[SoundSpark]

not a bad start to the series so far.

 

[welcome2atlantis]

No! Oh god, that is such a dangerous proposal by the prince.

 

[andrmnh]

Would it be funny if the prince's job is [Hero] and he wants to change into [villager]

 

[diino18]

Let's create an uproar sounds awesome

 

[athros]

Why is she wearing high heels tho? Even when she's training hard to be a lancer as her goal, wouldn't high heels just ended up having a detrimental effect on her movements?

 

[Hollow7F]

You can make a religion out of this!
so basically making a new church and adquiring an ass load of political power?, sounds risky as fuck, but honestly the church would findout about him later anyways

 

[Agis]

when I pictured "job change" I imagined him being able to change jobs, I think that would've been cool. This is pretty cool also but he has no fighting ability so that means we will just be watching him change jobs of others and be protected by the two women there.

 

[BoatyMcBoatface]

@DANDAN_THE_DANDAN the concept is good but the execution is bad I think. I havent seen a isekai character power based only being able to change other people classes. If the author clever enough they can spin this into an interesting story with good themes. But from what I'm seeing so far its doubtful

 

[pipiru]

Political yikes

 

[mismarca]

Woah damn, the rats is made out of Satan or something... scare the shit out of me.

 

[Saviticus]

So I guess Ricardo is just a name for any hot dude huh.