Fed-Kun's army
- Joined
- May 18, 2019
- Messages
- 638
Yasudaaaaaaaaaa
Love the art from this guy (Jiken Jaken, Kusanagi-san), nice to see a new series... also, pits
[ul]The plural form of "advice" in English is "advice"[/ul]
[ul]Overall, I think your TL/PR style's a step up from most scan groups*[/ul]
[ul]* ...but a few lines, like Sasaki-kun on p. 6 ("Just because...") and Meeko-sama on p. 8 ("Use your...") are on the awkward/overliteral side of things -- that is, they sound unnatural to native English speakers[/ul]
[ul]Watch out for overuse of "that", such as (again) Meeko-sama on p. 8 -- you can save some TS space by deleting extraneous "crutch words"[/ul]
[ul]When in doubt, read it out loud (to a native English speaker, if you aren't one!) if you're unsure about a line[/ul]
The last bullet in particular does wonders for many, but it can only reach full potential when you have someone around with innate knowledge of the target language of your TL. It's difficult to succinctly describe what "natural" means, especially when a given line is grammatically correct... it's best laid out with contrasting examples and the connotation(s) given off by each example. I won't bore the crowd with details here, so it'll suffice to say the issues I see in your TL/PR are more advanced and nuanced than I see in other groups where it's clear neither TL nor PR are native speakers of the target language. The kinds of issues present are both blessings and curses, all considered. Difficult to detect, but difficult to correct.
Hopefully you see this as food for thought, rather than raw criticism -- I do like the general direction your TL/PR is going, and I look forward to seeing even better things in the coming chapters. Also, pits.
Love the art from this guy (Jiken Jaken, Kusanagi-san), nice to see a new series... also, pits
Prepare... to receive
[ul]The plural form of "advice" in English is "advice"[/ul]
[ul]Overall, I think your TL/PR style's a step up from most scan groups*[/ul]
[ul]* ...but a few lines, like Sasaki-kun on p. 6 ("Just because...") and Meeko-sama on p. 8 ("Use your...") are on the awkward/overliteral side of things -- that is, they sound unnatural to native English speakers[/ul]
[ul]Watch out for overuse of "that", such as (again) Meeko-sama on p. 8 -- you can save some TS space by deleting extraneous "crutch words"[/ul]
[ul]When in doubt, read it out loud (to a native English speaker, if you aren't one!) if you're unsure about a line[/ul]
The last bullet in particular does wonders for many, but it can only reach full potential when you have someone around with innate knowledge of the target language of your TL. It's difficult to succinctly describe what "natural" means, especially when a given line is grammatically correct... it's best laid out with contrasting examples and the connotation(s) given off by each example. I won't bore the crowd with details here, so it'll suffice to say the issues I see in your TL/PR are more advanced and nuanced than I see in other groups where it's clear neither TL nor PR are native speakers of the target language. The kinds of issues present are both blessings and curses, all considered. Difficult to detect, but difficult to correct.
Hopefully you see this as food for thought, rather than raw criticism -- I do like the general direction your TL/PR is going, and I look forward to seeing even better things in the coming chapters. Also, pits.
