Ignoring the manga itself, I see two big problems immediately.
1) The translators lettered with a monospace font. That is a font where all letters are the same width, no matter if they are an "i" or a "W". These fonts have their uses, but lettering a manga is not one of them. Looks wrong, and is hard on the eyeballs.
2) The translators wanted to show how awesome they were by translating all the honorifics. THIS NEVER WORKS. It makes any dialog between two people of different social statuses seem stilted and clunky. Even in the official professionally-translated English language releases, they still cannot make it work...because it cannot be made to work. English does not have all the proper honorifics nor the precise inflectional modifiers to communicate the proper relation between the speaker and one being spoken to. Japanese honorifics are deeply entrenched cultural signifiers, and English-speaking cultures do not have enough cultural similarity to properly express these signifiers. This might be a translation problem, except that 99.9% of people who are currently reading manga off this site have learned their honorifics by heart now. The rest will learn them in the course of reading a few dozen chapters. So in addition it never working, translating honorifics is completely unnecessary. Just like no one here needs an explanation of what an onsen is, what happens at a cultural festival, and what and when White Day is.