Yep, this is actually good.
Nice translation (almost literal from what I could gather). It makes some sentences a bit awkward (like in page 6), but overall this is really good.
@
Askun
Your version would have been fine as a "work in progress" chapter, but you really should find a manga that isn't covered by such a big group, the comparisons will of course be brutal.
Maybe join a group, almost all of them are constantly searching for more translators. And they are usually pretty lax with the translators, not pushing for excessive work or timelines, treating them like royalty.
This could also improve your English. You would have to talk with your proofreader often on the meaning of sentences, which will improve your overall translations.
And you wouldn't have to spend time editing, redrawing, typesetting and uploading. You also wouldn't suffer shit reactions from ungrateful jerks (critique is fine, insults aren't).
And you would be part of a community. That's a lot better than doing all of this alone.
Just know that people's reactions on the internet a usually black or white, no grey there... They either adore you, or treat you like shit.