Holy shit, there's basically no major mistakes in the usage of russian here. The only two things I can complain about are:
Page 13, she says "excuse me", referring to the "excuser" in plural, like she's either directing it at multiple people, or using polite business speech (in russian using singular "you" is fairly casual, and plural "you" is much more common amongst strangers or in business settings), and it really doesn't feel fitting in the context, there are more fitting words with the same meaning
And page 19, very similar situation, she says "don't move" in a plural way, like the guy is her boss or a client or something.
Why MC is so creepy?
she's your wife right?
Legally you can do everything with your wife. S*x in the mountain, the beach or etc?
why they relationship like middle school?
can you not make it sound like you're pro-marital rape