Look, it's not her.
It's the author, they forcing this for some bs plot to go "look MC so cool" yet it makes zero sense, cause she is going out with a spear in new condition, doing something she is obviously experienced at.
Even the "I don't want to die" is stupid, for a seasoned warrior her reaction would be more "Well shit, guess I'm gonna die, wish I listened to that kid."
What would have made sense is if her spear was worn out, and wouldn't last the subjugation and her ego was relying on it too much.
Cause, the sudden "I should have listened to him" makes no sense with the initial personality they gave her, because with such a big ego over a new weapon, she would have still found fault with others and not herself.
With the damaged weapon, it would have been ego but also sentiment since it is a weapon she has used often and may not want to give up.
Anyway, author ruining the story with this chapter... wounder if they will do better, or just keep adding BS in such a forced way.