The raws look fine, and you're centainly right your translation is better than the previous group. Kind of sad they don't even ask someone for help with proofreading or editing, since their translations have annoying but harmless grammatical errors and look good besides that, but what can we do about it. Only kind-of-but-not-really complaint I have is some of the background text not being translated (like Ronove talking to two of the School council member on the background of Ameri talking to Iruma), but proper cleaning and redrawing of that seems like a nightmare if you're doing it solo so I can understand why it is like that.
Thank you for your effort, and hopefully things keep civil.